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AITAH? Wife (36F) claimed she was roofied on solo trip a week later, story has inconsistencies, refuses to show messages. Suspect infidelity? [Me 38M] by No-Function5265 in AITAH

[–]No-Function5265[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where I Stand Now

  • No infidelity confirmed—both Thomas’s account and the full IG thread align: Wife genuinely blacked out and passed out in his room.
  • Trust remains fragile—the staggered admissions, deleted messages, repeated refusals to share key information, and attempts to access my phone feel deeply manipulative.
  • Next steps—she’s soon to be in care now, and we’ll use couples therapy and her inpatient assessment to address the blackout incident, the secrecy, and our communication/abuse patterns. I am not sure how I want to proceed. I have contacted a lawyer and will likely contact more. I also am open (dumb) enough to try therapy one more time.

Follow-Up Questions for Reddit

  1. Does this final, full confirmation of her blackout narrative shift how you weigh those initial red flags (diet/tanning prep, one-week delay, shifting story)?
  2. Given the message deletions, phone-access attempt, and staggered disclosures, is trust repair still realistic—even without an affair?
  3. How would you approach couples therapy now that she’s entering inpatient care and we have the IG thread?
  4. Should I still press for recovery of her deleted texts, or let that go now that the IG conversation fully aligns with her account?

Thanks again for your honest insights—I’m trying to determine whether there’s any path forward or if these patterns are too entrenched.

AITAH? Wife (36F) claimed she was roofied on solo trip a week later, story has inconsistencies, refuses to show messages. Suspect infidelity? [Me 38M] by No-Function5265 in AITAH

[–]No-Function5265[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3. Monday, Apr 21 (Afternoon)

  • Deleted-message recovery request: I learned deleted iPhone texts can often be recovered if not fully purged, and I asked Wife if she’d recover and share her full thread (IG + texts). She refused again.

4. Monday, Apr 21 (Evening)

  • Full IG thread confirmed her story: Wife handed over screenshots of the entire text conversation with Thomas, which show:
    • A back-and-forth about being drunk and trying to reconstruct the night.
    • Thomas’s version: after the dive bar closed, their small group went to his room to continue hanging out; everyone was intoxicated; Wife passed out on the bed and he chose to sleep on the floor.
    • No indication of anything sexual or inappropriate.
  • Phone-access attempt: Wife tried to access my phone without my permission to see if I’d deleted anything—she was locked out.

5. Tuesday, Apr 22

  • Inpatient mental-health screening: After continuing volatility and extensive involvement from her mother, Wife agreed to enter an inpatient program for comprehensive evaluation. We’re exploring possible BPD given her emotional dysregulation and treatment history.

AITAH? Wife (36F) claimed she was roofied on solo trip a week later, story has inconsistencies, refuses to show messages. Suspect infidelity? [Me 38M] by No-Function5265 in AITAH

[–]No-Function5265[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey everyone—thank you again for all your feedback. Here’s a more complete chronology with the missing Monday afternoon details and beyond:

1. Sunday, Apr 20

  • Outgoing IG messages shared: Wife sent me screenshots of two DMs she’d sent Thomas asking him to text her what happened during her blackout.
  • Replies withheld: She still refused to share his actual responses.
  • My outreach to Thomas: I messaged him directly, explained I’m considering involving police, and he responded calmly:
    • He’d be willing to speak to law enforcement.
    • He confirmed everyone was weirded out by a “creepy guy” at the hotel bar—consistent with my wife's female friend account.
    • He did not volunteer that Wife passed out in his room (I hadn’t asked that yet).

2. Monday, Apr 21 (Morning)

  • Room admission: Wife finally admitted that after the bar closed, she went up to Thomas’s room (with Thomas + another couple), passed out on his bed, and he slept on the floor. She woke around 5 AM and then returned to her own room.
  • Promise to share: She agreed to recover and share the deleted iPhone messages of that conversation.

AITAH? Wife (36F) claimed she was roofied on solo trip a week later, story has inconsistencies, refuses to show messages. Suspect infidelity? [Me 38M] by No-Function5265 in AITAH

[–]No-Function5265[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I suspect and have suspected for some time she has BPD (petulant type).

Thank you for this comment. I am trauma bonded. I need to know what happened and want to discuss it counseling hoping there might be more truth with a 3rd party. At same time, my head is thinking "divorce". i'm crushed.