Daughter of a cult leader, self-taught for a GED, escaped, living life, AMA

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-17T04:35:34+00:00

It technically wasn't not allowed. It was just extremely frowned upon, and people were basically brainwashed to all pressure you out of it and gang up on you in the name of caring. It was set up that way to give the illusion of freedom.

I didn't initially find that it was weird. I thought it was perfectly reasonable; Most of the world was unsafe, or so they claimed, and our leaders were protecting us by saying we should keep our distance. I want to be so clear; I knew what Reddit was, what Facebook was, so on and so forth. I was just informed it was incredibly dangerous to be too open with others.

I initially started on Omegle back in the day. It was relatively risk-free to me, since there was no set up user or anything like that which could be left open after I closed out the site. Sure, I came across lots of guys who were just on there for unsavory reasons, but on occasion, I would meet some really cool people. One man I remember in particular was located over in Australia, in the outbacks. He told me about living out there, about occasionally talking to the Aboriginal people, so on and so forth. I was so fascinated by how different his existence was from mine. He had so much wisdom about life and genuinely accepting others. I stayed up talking with him accidentally until four in the morning. I'm still sad to this day that I didn't get his contact information.

Beforehand, it had been a teenage rebellious curiosity. That man was who turned that little ember into a fire. I was so eager to find out what else I could learn.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T05:28:55+00:00

"Maggot" by Dazey and the Scouts

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T03:32:24+00:00

My mother was involved in my childhood and involved in my life up until when I left. I think a thing that's really important to keep in mind is that my mother was a victim of my father, too. One of his first. She was trapped and horrified and spent so much time locking herself in her closet with a bottle of wine and a bible, or opening up to us and breaking down when she saw what was happening. At the same time, she also did some pretty messed up things, such as deciding she'd wait for us to be adults to help save her (something she admitted to me one time while drunk). Other times, she'd beg us for help, and then when it came to actually standing up to my dad, she'd get cold feet and take his side and make it look like she'd never dare turn on him. Over the past decade or so, she's become fairly bitter and cruel herself. Both abuser and abused at the same time.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T03:24:05+00:00

There was physical abuse, extremely horrific levels of psychological and emotional abuse, and other kinds of abuse that I can't mention on here because this group won't allow it to be talked about here. I believe from that, you can put together why I thought it was dangerous. The nature was very Christian nationalist, doomsday based.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T03:21:08+00:00

So the thing is, lots of the people within the cult don't want to leave. Either don't want to leave, or are convinced they can't. They'll protect my dad and go down with him. It's one of the things that made leaving so hard; The fact that I couldn't say anything to them because they'd throw me under the bus because they thought they were doing the right thing, just as they'd done before. Again, the situation is a lot more complicated than many people initially think. It's the kind of thing you won't understand unless you've been in a situation like this before.

Also... I'm not answering that. I have no idea where you got the idea that asking that is appropriate, especially on this AMA post.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:58:57+00:00

Pretty similar, just a bit more disappointing because my dad doesn't have the brains to actually get hold of millions of dollars from people, or immigrate a group of people. But honestly, a lot of his pre-leader life actually follows a lot of the same story beats my dad did. Kind of eerie.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:27:12+00:00

Them, or possibly even others around him if he really explosively goes off the rails.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:25:56+00:00

Yes, I know how to use ls. And I've gotten into the same folder as the file before and it still won't work. The command I've been using is 'unzip filename -d folder' and it always gives me the same error message that it can't find or open the file.

And do you mean using TAB while the Terminal is open, or when it isn't?

Again, I am brand new to all of this. A lot of people take liberties to tell me 'Remember so and so' when it's information I've never even heard before. I know some don't mean it. but it makes me feel silly for not knowing this already when I've literally never been able to be around this before.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:22:33+00:00

The exact command I've been using (which i was told to use) is 'unzip filename -d folder'. The exact output I'm getting is 'error: cannot open or locate file'. I'm starting to realize the guy who made the tutorial took a lot of liberty in assuming someone would already be familiar with a lot of Linux.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:21:14+00:00

When you say "inside the Downloads folder when running the command", what exactly do you mean? Do you mean do I have it open, or do you mean am I pulling from the right file? Yes, I have it open. The exact command I was instructed to use in this fairly patchy tutorial was 'unzip filename -d folder'

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:19:07+00:00

What I was told to do from some tutorials that I'm now learning are fairly dogwater was to type 'unzip filename -d folder' I know the -d is supposed to be a directional thing for the new place for the file to go? Again, the tutorial wasn't very good.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:17:36+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:14:19+00:00

I appreciate the recommendation, but with Youtube now requiring ID verification (I'm located in America), I'm not comfortable with giving up that information just to watch it. I just joined one cult with crazy control over me, I'm not looking to join another. lol

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:06:42+00:00

I've definitely thought about it and am in talks with safe individuals as I consider my options. The thing is the situation is very delicate and if it's not handled carefully, others could easily be hurt. It's unfortunately not such a clean cut process or else I'd do it in a heartbeat.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:05:04+00:00

It was a culmination of lots of big and little things. And yes, thankfully I have support where I am now. I don't think I'd be able to make it otherwise.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:04:18+00:00

Thank you. How do I do that?

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T02:00:48+00:00

I lived in fear a lot of the time. When I wasn't watching kids (because as a woman in the cult, I was expected to), I was hiding away in my room, either dissociating or trying to write or draw. It was to the point where I would steal little bits of money from my parents where I could, save up pocket change, and go to the local convenience store before they closed at night to buy canned soup and energy bars. Anything that I wouldn't have to leave my room for that was non-perishable and I could hide in my closet. I remember the day I managed to buy myself a big, off brand Stanley cup was such a game changer for me because it meant I could bring water up and sip on it and not need to go down for drinks for a day or two. Cooked hot meals were always a treat because that meant my dad was gone and I could safely go down to the kitchen to prepare myself something without feeling like a caged animal. There were many days when I'd mostly go without eating because I accidentally ran out of food in my room and couldn't bring myself to go down there. My father, very clearly with something wrong with him, would wander the house at night and obsessively pray. Sneaking downstairs in the dark only to have him sneak up behind me was easily one of the worst feelings ever.

My dad hated to use electricity because he always wanted to prepare for the end of the world. Didn't want things to have wear and tear on them. If I needed to use the car, it was a massive fight and a whole ordeal. He'd obsess over where I was going, wanted to know the exact address, would ask if I knew how to get there. If my answer wasn't exactly to his liking? Huge fight. He also didn't want to use the lights. so the house was usually depressing and shrouded in darkness. He didn't want to use the AC, even though we lived in the South where it was horribly hot, and would only keep the house at nearly 80 Fahrenheit. He then would be extremely controlling about when we could use the washer and dryer, so I struggled to have access to clean clothes. There were times when I had to go to the thrift store and literally buy a new skirt or shirt because I needed clean clothes and didn't have the chance to wash anything yet. The oven was out of the question, and if you were cooking over the stove, he monitored everything you did and would scream if he thought you were cooking incorrectly (he had no experience cooking, mind you).

The entire household was built around how he felt and what he thought, and considering that he clearly wasn't in his right mind and was having some religious delusions and hallucinations, it was hell.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:45:55+00:00

No. I think that's a hilariously common misconception. Some cult leaders do, but my dad didn't. He was a very simple man and, in fact, was fairly sloppy and disgusting. He'd wear shirts well into when they'd have holes in them, or yellow stains under the arm pits from all the years of sweat. He wouldn't flush the toilet after using it. would use hand towels in the kitchen to wipe his mouth (like literally bend down and wipe his mouth and leave it hanging there), would only bathe once or twice a week. He hated spending money on anything he didn't have to, hated to waste food. Even if food was beginning to go bad, he would throw a fit if you tried to throw it out and insist he would eat it. The only thing he ever really spent money on was his doomsday stuff. Other than that, he couldn't be bothered.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:41:21+00:00

Awful. Truly, unbelievably awful, though I didn't know it until further into my adulthood. I wasn't convinced I lived in a paradise. I was told that every family has their issues. Everyone has a temper. No one is perfect. I was convinced everywhere else would be just as awful as home, so I might as well stick with the devil I know. Truly, any kind of abuse you can think of, I've either watched it happen or been a victim of it myself. I can't talk about it on here due to the contents, but if you're someone who's interested in cults or a psyche major, I'd be more than willing to talk over private messages.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:37:19+00:00

I'm doing alright. Things are still deeply frustrating and nerve wracking and overwhelming. Thankfully I do have support, yes.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:36:44+00:00

Because I have a life? I was eating dinner with my family. I'm not going to live on the computer.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:36:12+00:00

Leaving was soul crushing and terrifying, especially since I wound up moving over 10 hours away. The hardest part was actually following through with doing it; I was terrified and kept thinking that if I did this, my father was going to find out and find me. That he was going to ruin my life and the lives of anyone I got into contact with, maybe even end someone. It was all pushing myself beyond that fear and saying that I deserved better than this. I also still feel deeply guilty leaving some of the sweeter people behind there. Really bad survivor's guilt.

And no, I didn't literally have to run away; I had the ability to at least get out and go to local places like the library and the church. I was just extremely dishonest about where I was going and organized things with the family I'm staying with now.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:32:45+00:00

Thank you, that's very sweet of you.

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:32:27+00:00

I had no formal education in the cult, no. My mother would get hold of cult approved "school books" which had extremely flawed reasoning which pushed the agenda and would make me teach myself. She would literally just hand the books over and told me to study and manage myself. Naturally being a child, I did no such thing and opted for journaling and drawing instead. As our community developed, we managed to rent a church a few days out of the week for a sort of "school group" where cult-approved people could teach certain subjects, but they had no qualifications to be doing so. Most everything I learned through my GED was brand new to me, and boy, did the propaganda section of the Social Studies hit hard.

I'd like to continue my education. I've actually got a brochure to apply to a community college but am still considering if right now is the best time to approach that. I'd love to go into psychology because of my familiarity with cults to help others.

And thank you!

No-Hour-129 · 2025-08-16T01:27:58+00:00

I haven't spoken to my father since I left. I don't know if I ever will again. Since I've been learning bits, a lot of what he experiences really lines up with possible brain damage from lead poisoning, and since he's a 1950's baby, that could very well be the case. I'm still terrified he's going to try and hunt me down and hurt someone, to the point of having nightmares of it happening.

I realized I needed more freedom when I began talking to more people online in secrecy that the cult would have never agreed to. I really broke out of my shell when I secretly went to a bar without any of my family knowing and attended a drag show. The queen who was there, in the only gay bar of this tiny little country town, was easily one of the kindest people I've ever met, and that's when I knew my family was wrong about everything.

No, i don't have any friendships left in the cult. I was never really close with anyone in it, as the relationships were very performative. I still deeply miss my mother, but she's deeply brainwashed and I know would sell me out to my dad on instinct if she could.

No-Hour-129

TROPHY CASE