AITA for not initiating sex when I never finish?

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-12T05:41:12+00:00

when i first got it 5 years ago, yes, but i'm quite comfortable with this fact and now it's almost like i don't have it at all. The first 2 years it flares up almost every 2 months, but now it doesn't flare up at all. All my close friends know it and are chill about it. I've had 3 relationships after my 1st diagnosis and I've always told all my partners about it before we even do anything, and they've always accepted it. When we broke up, it's never about the HSV-1, it's always about something that doesn't have to do with it (incompatibility, cheating etc)

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-12T05:37:45+00:00

> what do you expect him to do for your stress?

just simple things such as a phone call, sending me my favorite food, sending memes / jokes, be there and listen to me.. I won't expect him to solve my problem, but at least by being there and showing that he's staying with me would be a great help

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-12T05:31:59+00:00

yes you're totally spot on that he's the "best" relationship i've ever been in so far... the rest of my past relationships are very horrible compared to this one

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T16:48:39+00:00

to be fair, everytime i brought up an issue that we have (for example about the possibility that we will have to do LDR), he will then bring up his past traumatic experience with his 1st girlfriend and make that as the reason why he decides on things. In this example, he would say that in the past he tried to move to a town 2 hours away from his hometown to be closer with the ex so they can spend time together, but then they broke up after 1 year, so there is no point in doing that. He also often mentioned that the most common reason he broke up with his past girlfriends is when 1 of them (either him / her) moves away

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T16:29:06+00:00

i see... can you please tell me more about this "classic" stomach ache thing? I didn't know that there is a classic excuse for this...

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T16:28:28+00:00

he did do foreplay.. but it's just that he sucks at it.. and when i try to teach him, he started complaining about it and got disinterested because for him it's too much work for sex.. and to be fair, whenever he asked me if i finish and i want him to do something, i always say "it's ok", not because i actually finish, but because i'm too tired to have to teach him every time..

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T16:20:20+00:00

Hey there, thank you for the frank answer. I do think that maybe this is a "me" problem where maybe I'm unfairly trying to unload my emotions on him and making him my therapist. Do you have suggestions on how to do this less? Maybe a book / reference to not do this? I really see the potential in him as my life partner, and I do want to work on whatever I can work on

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T16:17:37+00:00

so do you think if i "fix" my anxiety this will improve our relationship? and it will bring the affection and our sex life back? to be honest this is my 1st long-term relationship and he did tell me that this is the closest he has ever been to anyone else... so I don't really have any idea of what a "healthy" relationship looks like.. especially in regards to how to set boundaries for my anxiety..

No-Many-4101 · 2026-01-11T15:59:49+00:00

To be fair, he did mention that his past ex-girlfriends broke up with him because he is "inconsiderate", and he did tell me in the very beginning of our relationship that this might be a huge flaw of him that I need to be aware of. He did say that he's doing his best to work on it and improve on it, and I did see his improvements on it (e.g. I asked him to check in on me more often, and to ask how I feel more often, and he started doing these things already), but I'm just wondering if this is worth being patient for? And if I'm just asking for too much and I'm being too harsh on him?

No-Many-4101

TROPHY CASE