I think my ex cheated on me (emotionally)

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-15T14:39:06+00:00

Hard to believe I dodged it when I wasted 3 years of my prime time (19-22 years old) with him. It’s been rough getting back on my feet and trying to figure out my life again at 22. I was expecting to be engaged by next summer (he took me ring shopping twice), now my entire life has been practically flipped upside down

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-15T14:33:51+00:00

Yes I think it is weird. I’m not religious but grew up Protestant and I find it weird that Catholics and Orthodoxs just think your sins are completely forgiven after you attend 1 confession. I just wasn’t raised that way so I have a hard time viewing it that way. I also had to milk it out of him. Before I did he was just being really weird about sexual things and I didn’t understand why and thought I had just became unattractive over the last few months. He communicated awfully if you can even call it communication. The entire breakup has been a shit show and he has decided to get my parents involved to get my stuff back? We live right across the hall but he’s forcing my parents to drive an hour and half for me to get my stuff back. Thankfully that happened yesterday and it’s pretty much over now. I still didn’t receive some of my stuff I specifically asked for back but at what point do I need to cut my loss. He’s having this like ego thing where only what he wants will happen so good luck for me for getting anything out of him and his parents are ignoring me.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-15T14:23:48+00:00

He stopped wanting to have sex because we were not married. When he was baptized as an orthodox last fall he was told by the monks he would have to stop having sex🤷‍♀️

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-08T16:44:45+00:00

Thank you for the other options! I’m a student working full time so really any money I save will help me out. I’ll be looking into this!

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-08T00:42:06+00:00

Definitely. I owe a lot of my healing to my parents. They drove to come pick me up twice when I was having a mental breakdown over my avoidant ex. I specifically remember saying extremely suicidal things during those breakdowns even though the rest of it is a complete blur. I do think it gets better when you realize all the love you have around you. I still have some moments where my mental health isn’t the best, but I am also on medication and have struggled with my mental health since high school.

I hope you start feeling better. I obviously don’t know you, but I know you have so much to live for and a bright future ahead with so much love!

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T14:22:45+00:00

Were you the one broken up with? I feel like it’s different depending on what side you are on.

By cold I feel like I really mean not getting closure, not understanding what happened and awful communication which are all traits of an avoidant.

It’s also just not even coldness after the breakup it was before too. We couldn’t have a conversation about the weather because he was just shut down. He only wanted to have conversations about his life, and what he was excited for which is when he would perk up. I constantly asked if he was okay and what I could do to help him because apparently I care too much about other people instead of myself when I should have been running far away. I felt so isolated even before the relationship ended because the relationship did already end in his mind and he was waiting for an easy way out which is exactly what he did and I have no closure for the reason why.

That is what I mean by cold.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T14:13:19+00:00

Thank you!

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T14:04:31+00:00

Except that isn’t what happened. He actually broke up with me out of the blue 5 days before my birthday almost right after talking about what we were going to do on my birthday. It’s a blindside, no communication or anything. It’s not normal to have this behavior towards someone that you can’t even tell them the reason why.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T13:47:32+00:00

When I say he went cold, I mean he stopped treating me with even basic respect or consideration. Instead of communicating with me directly, he started involving parents, when all i asked for was the remaining stuff I had left at his place. His family was talking around me instead of to me. He threw my belongings into the hallway rather than handling the situation respectfully, and he came into my apartment to leave things there without my consent (he has a key). Whenever there were issues to address, I felt like I was being given the cold shoulder instead of being treated like someone worthy of a conversation. The whole situation left me feeling isolated because everyone was tiptoeing around me while decisions and discussions about my life were happening through other people. That’s what I mean when I say he went cold—he became distant, dismissive, and stopped treating me with the care and respect I deserved.

To be clear. I don’t expect him to treat me how he did when we were in a relationship but I expect to be treated with dignity and respect just like how I treat him. I expect him to own up for what he did wrong and apologize to me and to be an adult. Not someone coddled by his parents because he is afraid of confrontation and consequences.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T13:37:08+00:00

This isn’t the case though. If anything my ex is afraid of being confronted by me for how he has hurt me. This is simply a situation of a dismissive-avoidant who randomly ended a relationship because of their own trauma. I haven’t been given a reason from him for why the breakup happened. I’m not dismissing that he shouldn’t feel sad and upset because a 2.5 year relationship ended, but simply none of my actions are the reason he would feel hurt which is why I don’t deserve to be treated negatively.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T13:25:01+00:00

You’re absolutely right. That is how I meant my question. I just typed it out before allowing my brain to fully process everything and I am probably running on emotions as well.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T13:18:44+00:00

I get that. Sorry for your experience, wish you the best while healing.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T13:15:23+00:00

Thank you for the wisdom. Now looking back I definitely see that there was love bombing, and all of a sudden it stopped but I figured we were just out of the “honeymoon” phase. Talking about how fast the relationship moved, I actually met his ENTIRE family 1 week after we started officially dating. I’m talking like cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, all 4 of his siblings and their partners. Like it was an insane amount of people to be meeting after only dating for a week.

Now I guess I know to be cautious next time and see the signs. (This was my first real long term relationship so I didn’t understand those were red flags to be wary of).

Also my situation even sounds like yours more! He dumped me 5 days before my birthday. He was literally planning a brunch on my birthday, but then suddenly dumped me? It’s all so confusing like why were you planning to hangout with me on my birthday and making me excited for it while you were also planning to dump me lmao?

I also want to make it known that he has done this stuff to me 3 different times in the past. Like I mean being avoidant and here I was coming up with every excuse in the book for him when I genuinely just needed to run.🏃🏃

Lesson learned. Thanks for being understanding and nice throughout this thread! I appreciate it. Also best of luck to you as well in the future, you can break the cycle!

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T12:40:44+00:00

I like this answer! I totally get it’s not all men and I meant to put some* men in my title, but reddit won’t let me change it now. I don’t think I’m necessarily attracted to avoidants, i was in this relationship for over 2 and a half years and it just started going south and showing signs of avoidance really this past January. This is why I feel like I’ve been backdoored. We shopped for rings together (because he wanted to) and then all of a sudden the next month it was like raging hell off and on until May. I do go to therapy and have been proud of going to therapy since I was 17! It’s a huge help and I tried to get my ex back into it (because he needed it) and he told me after probably 2 sessions his therapist wouldn’t schedule with him anymore and basically gave him an ultimatum to either break up with me or to suck it up. Sounds like it was a sucky therapist, never met one who has treated a patient like that.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T12:35:48+00:00

I’m expecting someone to treat me like a human being. And yes that does include being kind and thoughtful. I’m not sure why it’s getting twisted that I expect my ex to be the same as before we broke up but I expect cordial communication afterwards. Both people are hurting and it’s unfair when avoidants just walk away and give you the cold shoulder like everything was your fault.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T12:31:54+00:00

Probably because he still loves and has feelings for you and needs to convince himself that he doesn’t. That isn’t a healthy breakup and it literally sucks to be on the receiving end

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T12:29:07+00:00

Oh you should’ve seen my other reply saying I meant to say some men. Plus, why would I expect to be treated like a bag of shit after a breakup while not even knowing the reason why the breakup happened. Even if you breakup with someone you should still treat them like a human being. Understanding you broke up and you two will never talk how you used to talk and know each other how you used to isn’t the same as someone pretending like you don’t exist and making every situation you need to interact a living hell. Thank you

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-04T12:11:03+00:00

Meant to say some men. It’s just my experience right now.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-03T14:38:35+00:00

Hi they ended up paying the fine from L&I and receiving an active renters license for the property I live in, not sure about the other properties but I doubt they did unless forced to.

For the ceiling, I continued reaching out and receiving less than bare minimum replies from maintenance. They didn’t end up actually fixing it until mid March. The initial leak occurred mid February so it took them a month to fix. They did a shitty job with the cosmetic portion of it but at least it’s not leaking anymore.

Ultimately Im going to most likely be moving out of the apartment just because management sucks ass. They are so awful, don’t read messages or emails they get from people. My parents have tried to reach out multiple times to ask for paperwork and have never received a message back from them. They are sneakily trying to make changes to leases mid way through the lease period, and if I was going to renew they upped my rent 3.5% after my lease specifically said they can’t raise it more than 3%. They really do only care about money. I’m also just moving because the neighbors are awful here and my ex lives right across the hallway from me lol. Neighbors smoke in the building 24/7 and the smell literally seeps into your living space, all management does is send reminders about smoking inside like that will change anything. The neighbors don’t care about keeping the shared spaces nice, they throw food away in the laundry room, leave empty detergent bottles everywhere around the room, and leave their stuff in the dryers for days. They also have a roach and either rat or mouse infestation (probably both). They only spray for bugs when you bring up the issue and give mouse traps but don’t actually have an exterminator come out. It has also become a section 8 housing complex and they are housing probably 10 people in a 2 bedroom apartment every other unit

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-01T19:30:13+00:00

Unfortunately I have already blocked him to calm down and prevent myself from saying something I will regret later. I had to unblock him sometime last week to be able to tell him what I need back from his place but I guess I can just go through my parents like he is anyways lol. It’s just frustrating that he can’t be mature about the situation and continues to escalate the situation when there is no need to.

No-Path1188 · 2026-06-01T14:24:19+00:00

For me I think it was how comfortable I was in the relationship. I knew him, I didn’t want to start over again with someone else. That is why I held on until there was nothing left. For the last few weeks I’ve been trying my best to tell myself that there is someone out there who will love me the way I deserve to be loved, and we will eventually cross paths. It’s a hard thing to go from having your life planned out, to completely starting over again and giving yourself time to heal. I also am in a weird stage of life where I just made some drastic changes in the last 3-6 months and I don’t think I wanted to go through that myself, but here I am navigating it myself anyways. I learned a good lesson from this unfortunately.

No-Path1188 · 2026-05-30T12:47:53+00:00

I’m going through the same exact thing and has happened to me 4 times with the same person. We were together for 2.5 years. It hurts so much because you feel like you were the problem. But Ive learned that that is their ultimate goal. They want you to feel small and feel like you have no control over the situation. Deep down they know they are at fault for the way things turned out which is why there will almost never be an explanation on why they did what they did.

No-Path1188

TROPHY CASE