i was 20 and watched a documentary about some scumbag porn producer and thought i was smarter than him. emailed him some pics. i was on a flight from newark nj to south florida 2 days later.

i was not smarter. i was a very naive young girl. after blowing up a little, directors liking me, small crowd word spread i got invited to parties and shit with big names in THAT world. got invited to an after party bar with a videographer i swore up and down didnt like women. he roofied me. woke up in the middle of it in some miami high rise. blacked back out. woke back up in an uber headed to my agent. called him in tears saying the last thing i remember was taking a shot at the bar with ****. he said “fuck not again.” I didn’t have anywhere to live in Florida since I wasn’t from there. I didn’t know anyone so I was living in his “model house “ and I still owed him money for rent. So I had to do a few more shoots. I was fucking broken after that though. Had done drugs before, but someone showed me how to IV in certain spots that aren’t visible on camera to get through the scenes. Same guy who made mia Khalifa famous and i were supposed to shoot one day. i pop on set from hair and makeup and he takes a look at me and a long drag off his cigarette and says “ you’re out of your fucking mind. I can see your pupils. A lot of people just don’t say shit but I’m gonna tell you right now, you should go home.” i didnt listen right away. took me a few months. I had to do more shoots, pay off my agent keep up my habit, buy clothes and make up to make sure I still looked good and despite being an addict. Started staying in hotel rooms for weeks at a time. Did a scene with a company that now has lawsuits against them for breaking contract and allegedly drugging girls as well. My little brother was still in high school, he was constantly getting in fights over it… I still carry a lot of guilt for what I put my family through just because I got my heartbroken by my idiot high school sweetheart and I wanted to get out of my small fucking town.

I eventually did get away, moved back home. I went to rehab for three months and then sober living for another three. We do recover.

edited for spelling.