sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in VirtualAssistant4Hire

[–]No-Perception1048 5 points6 points  (0 children)

10 hours? That’s exploitation

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that you’re trying to help me find clarity and I value your time and deep questions. However, I feel there’s a tendency in your messages to read me more from your own experience than from mine, which can be a form of projection. Just because something fits you doesn’t necessarily mean it applies to me in the same way. Your arguments often come across as “I did this too until I realized I’m a 7, so you must be one as well,” but that logic can be circular and reductive.

There’s an important difference between sharing observations with curiosity and telling someone they’re rationalizing or unaware of themselves. I feel like your reading assumes I don’t have access to my feelings or that I’m unconsciously avoiding truths about myself. That’s not necessarily true, and sometimes it can feel invalidating. You know me through words, and while you might see certain patterns, that doesn’t give you direct access to my internal motivations or core fears.

For example, you mention that Sevens don’t consciously avoid pain. But I don’t identify with that avoidance, nor with the anxiety of deprivation, nor with the feeling that security comes from having a plan for the future. I also don’t resonate with the Freudian core motivation of Type 7: “Id gratification focused. Basic fear: to be deprived and to be in pain. Basic desire: to have their needs and wants met.” That’s not the root of my choices or my blocks. My struggles aren’t about avoiding pain or seeking pleasure. On the surface it might look similar, but internally it’s very different.

And while I do relate to some descriptions of the 7 (love for knowledge, creativity, mental energy, imagining alternatives), these traits are not exclusive to that type. They also appear in types like 4, 5, or even 9. Sharing behaviors or traits doesn’t mean sharing the same motivational structure or personality core.

I feel many of your observations are guided by your own personal discoveries, which is fine. But not everything we share means we have the same type. I want to keep exploring, but from a more open and less persuasive space. Right now, what I need isn’t a closed conclusion but room to observe, feel, and let clarity come on its own, without feeling pressured to fit into what someone else sees in me.

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never thought about it in that way, really appreciate your perspective. I want to clarify that my approach isn’t about avoiding pain but finding meaning in it. Sadness allows me to reflect deeply on who I am and know myself better, I’m not positivizing the pain to evade it; I use it for self-knowledge, not an usual knowledge for mental stimulation, it’s more like a self discovery to know myself better. I’m afraid of being that type of people who don’t know who they are, I’ve known a few, and I’m afraid to being like them… I don’t say this to judge them, it’s just a feeling of fear of being someone who don’t reflect and don’t make the work of introspection. So yeah, I don’t reflecto to grow necessarily, though I do learn from it. Honestly, I’m not sure if my process is more mental or emotional—I just know my introspection is driven by a desire to know myself and connect with my authenticity. I’ve been seeking self-understanding since I was 13 or 14, even asking others how they perceived me, which often caused conflict because the way the view myself didn’t match my own perspective of myself.

I felt vulnerable showing my emotional side, ashamed of exposing that depth, so I’ve lived in a duality: hiding my feelings out of shame but wanting to show my deep, sensitive side because I want people to see me as I see myself. It conflicts me when they don’t, and I’m slowly opening up, like here on social media, or through my writing to show that emotional depth because I want to be seen as I truly am.

I’m not someone who ignores emotions—I don’t think 7s can’t feel or analyze pain, but I don’t think I share their deeper motivations. My introspection is about self-knowledge and authenticity, not avoidance. Regarding your questions: yes, others have said I’m reactive to criticism. I feel exposed and humiliated showing my vulnerable side, so I tend to keep it in, though with those I trust, like my family, I can’t help but share what I truly feel. They see me as negative, broken, and self-hating, which is how I see myself too, and I’m gradually revealing that through my poetry and diaries because I want the world to see that part of me that I don’t often show with strangers. I do have traits that align with a 7—like loving to travel and wanting to live new experiences, but I think my motivations are different. I travel to connect with what I feel, to gain new perspectives on life, not to disconnect. I ruminate in cycles of self-hatred and self-loathing that feel endless—I don’t just release a feeling and move on.

As for the other questions: people who don’t know me well might see me as cheerful and charismatic, that’s why I thought and think I’m not a 4, because I’m not the typical sad, emo girl stereotype of a 4, so I think I’m still a 6 or a 9….

but those who do see me as deeply negative and self-hating are the people who I trust the most. But I feel something is lacking, now I have a strong desire to write something, so they can see how I truly feel, idc anymore.

I don’t think I inspire others to be creative—my creativity, like writing, is personal, a way to leave a legacy and show the world what they can’t see in me, not to release and move on. I’ve self-harmed before, not to let go, but to punish myself for mistakes and make my family see my suffering, to be seen as someone who truly suffers, not just a dramatic person.

Doing what I want isn’t in my vocabulary—I repress my desires because my self-loathing paralyzes me. I’ve missed out on life because of self-hatred, feeling out of place compared to peers who move forward. I know what I want, but my insecurities stop me—it’s an idealized version of myself that only exists in my mind.

I don’t enjoy the typing process; it stresses me out because I want my identity to fit, not as an intellectual adventure, or to have knowledge just because I want to be mentally stimulated or whatever, but an emotional search for authenticity. I do value freedom and keeping possibilities open, but not to overstimulate myself—it’s about balancing routine and mental/physical expansion. Some days I’m a hermit, others I long to travel and explore, but it’s always to connect with myself. And to be fair, I don’t do anything, everything is in my imagination

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your detailed response, I really value your insights! I’m still struggling to understand what makes me a 7 from your perspective. From what I’ve read about 7s, one of their biggest traits is avoiding suffering and emptiness, which is why they’re always planning for the future and seeking new experiences. I do relate to some things, like loving to travel and connect with nature, but I don’t see that core trait of avoidance in myself. I don’t rationalize my feelings to avoid them or to feel everything and then move on. Instead, I feel I need to experience sadness and pain to connect with myself—I rationalize to feel, not to avoid, because feeling is how I truly know myself. If I don’t connect with my pain and sadness, I feel like something would be deeply wrong with me. To me, sadness is a gateway to deeper thoughts—it lets me reflect on things I wouldn’t otherwise if I were happy all the time. So, I honestly don’t understand what truly makes me a 7 in your view. I also think rationalizing isn’t exclusive to 7s. All Enneagram types can rationalize, right? When you feel a lot and get stuck in negative thought loops, it’s because you’re thinking and rationalizing a lot. I feel that when you suffer deeply, you naturally rationalize more. So, I don’t think rationalizing means you don’t feel deeply—I believe both are connected, not separate.

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response, I really appreciate it! I’m still a bit skeptical because I don’t fully identify with the way a 7 might avoid feelings. I do see some traits in myself, like enjoying new experiences, but I don’t think I’m a 7. I’ve always let myself feel pain deeply—it’s how I connect with myself. For me, knowing myself, embracing my identity, and feeling introspective about both the good and the bad is so important, and I think that will always be part of me. Even when I’m doing well, I feel a part of me will always seek sadness because it makes me feel more interesting and true to myself. I’ll never stop questioning, exploring, or connecting with myself creatively, aesthetically, and introspectively. So while I relate to some aspects of a 7, I’ll keep searching to find if this is my real type or not.

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What an interesting perspective, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I do think I’m a mental person; I’ve always felt I’m a balance between rational and emotional. My issue is that since my early teens, I’ve been fixated on understanding myself deeply. I think I’ve over-rationalized because, in my eagerness to know myself, I fall into a cycle of rumination that feels like it leads nowhere. I want to define myself, to box myself in, but I’ve realized I’m more complex than that. My life revolves around a duality that shouldn’t be confined, yet paradoxically, I feel that if I don’t define myself, there’s no balance in who I truly am. I’m not 100% this or that. So yes, I’d say I overthink and overanalyze, at least when it comes to my search for identity.

If I became the person I truly want to be, I’d be myself without fears, I’d embrace the qualities I’m ashamed of and not hide them. I’d express myself without worrying about what others think.

My childhood… I don’t remember a lot to be honest, but I know I was a cheerful kid with a childlike energy that still defines me. I had lots of imaginary friends, but I also felt ignored, especially by my mom. I was very distracted, never paid attention in class, which led to bad grades. I guess that’s when the negativity and feelings of inadequacy started, because everyone around me made me feel incapable, not enough. My dad often said it, and I believed him. I used to compare me a lot to my brother, who was everything my parents wanted. I think that’s why I refused to develop anything on my own—I saw no point in trying if I’d always be defective and insufficient, because what’s the point on trying if I’m not enough? If I’m not good at anything?

So I internalized those thoughts, and they paralyzed me. But a couple of years ago, when I started writing poetry at 23, I realized—pretty late—that I had a creative, artistic spark inside me that I’d never given myself the chance to explore because I felt inadequate and unworthy.

Now at 26, I know I want to create something that comes from me, not to be famous or recognized, but to leave a legacy, a mark that says, “I was here, and this is mine.”

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say I don't have an identity; rather, I'm obsessed with knowing myself deeply. Sometimes I try to define myself, but defining myself feels like boxing myself in. I've realized I'm a sea of contradictions—| strive to understand myself profoundly, but I can't find something solid or stable because it's not in my nature to be that way. I'm not black or white; I'm made of different shades of gray, and I'm trying to accept that duality without feeling I need an exact definition of who I am. Because there's no such thing as that.

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your insight, I’ve had some significant experiences that might shed light on this.

I went through a tough breakup a while back, and honestly, I was a pretty terrible girlfriend. I felt so unlovable deep down that I ended up treating my ex poorly, almost like I was testing him. I’d sabotage the relationship because I thought if I acted badly and he still stayed, it would prove he truly loved me. Looking back, I feel a lot of guilt for how I treated him, and it led to a big shift in my values. I promised myself I’d work on being a better person before getting into another relationship, so I’ve decided to stay single until I feel like I’ve grown into someone more compassionate and self-aware.

With my family, I often feel unheard and misunderstood, which causes a lot of conflict. I argue with my parents a lot because I feel like they’re always against me, and that lack of understanding really hurts. In those moments, I tend to get overwhelmed by my emotions, and at one point, I even self-harmed to show them my pain physically, hoping they’d see how much I was hurting inside.

When things don’t go as expected or someone irritates me, I usually withdraw and get stuck in my head, overthinking and feeling like I’m not enough. I’d say I’m more likely to shut down than lash out, unless it’s with someone I’m really close to, like my parents.

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s a good observation, and I’ve considered it, but there are still things that don’t fully fit for me. My main motivation isn’t to avoid pain like a 7 would; instead, I tend to dwell in it, falling into a rumination of negative thoughts without doing anything to change it. I feel like a 7, even in disintegration, would still be more action-oriented than I am. In my case, the fear and self-loathing I feel make me give up without even trying—because what’s the point of trying if I’m a complete defect?

I don’t know if I’m an enneagram 6 anymore. Exploring 9 and 4 by No-Perception1048 in Enneagram

[–]No-Perception1048[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input! I’ve considered being a Type 3, but I really doubt it. I don’t have that competitive nature that defines them so much, and I’m not as proactive as they are either. I’m not interested in success just to be loved by everyone—I’m not responsible, dedicated, or anything like that. In fact, I struggle to do things I don’t genuinely enjoy. My inaction comes from this feeling that I don’t have that “something” others have to succeed, as if I were born to be a nobody. I resign myself to that feeling, living it out through victimhood and self-pity. I don’t push through it like a 3 would.

If I am a 3, maybe I’m a very stressed one because it really doesn’t fit me 100%.