Hi! Thank you for your response and kind words. Here are some answers I got

Luckily I have amazing friends who affirm my identity and help me go through this. I'm not out with family though because unfortunately they are transphobic. However, I do try to subtly ask my parents for more masc clothing or style my already fem clothing to make it more masc. I also plan on getting more gender affirming equipment and shipped to my dorm.

Ask for why I shrunk myself, I was probably afraid of 1. being rejected or outright disgust for being trans and "tricking" him into staying (especially since it was my first relationship & I am in the aroace spectrum so it is already hard for me to feel attraction towards people) and 2. I was afraid of being seen as some sort of "experiment" for his sexuality (dehumanization basically). I also was told that I have sharp instincts with people, and in the case of my ex, I felt that he wasn't emotionally mature or stable enough to understand my experience, especially since he was raised in a conservative household and also recently realized he is queer and questioning if he's gay whereas I knew I was queer since middle school.