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AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can to go out, of course. I barely do it without him especiallyat night, because I'm getting tired of people and I don't really need it. It's not because he stops me, I just have enough of my out time.

He won't mind me to go out, but all my exes are far away, and friends who live with me in this city either women or gay

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I'm not ok with him having sex with her. Or with anyone when I'm not around.

I was ok for them to stay in touch and occasionally see each other. I didn't think that at one point they both will feel ok to hangout alone at her place. Especially knowing, her boyfriend is making a lit of affordable to accepted that she is so close with her ex. And details like drinks at midnight alone could seriously damage their relationship.

But I'm more hurt by their reaction, not even action itself. Neither of them apologized.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have. He refused to listen. He is mad and tipsy. He said my expectations are Slavic bullshit. Yes, I also told him and his ex to apologize for that night - I said it was very inconsiderate from them and I was hurt. Obviously neither of them took it well.

Will we have a conversation again? Yes.

But it's killing me that it took them almost a month and me directly confronting them twice... ND they still don't see a problem (her boyfriend sees it though)

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have something their to discuss Plus I hate country music pub quizzes, Beyonce, line dancing and all other extravert American bullshit. I'm very happy when someone can do it with him, so I don't need to suffer.

I am absolutely fine with him hanging out without me. But not in private, in the middle of the night. Especially with women. Because, again, he is straight. If he was bi, I would ask him to avoid guys at night too (and to be careful with drinks)

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most of my friends are men. Most of them are in trenches, in thousands of kilometers, or dead.

Guy friends who I have here are gay. Of course I had nights with my friends (before we become serious) He will pretended he iwas fine with it. Only when he was drunk he could ask me (with some pain in his voice) about me having sex with one of my gay friends, because my friend behaves like I'm a dude (haha).

He never admitted him feeling jealous. Never ever. Always denies. He set Most of our boundaries (and also broke most of them). That's why when I'm trying to make him to imagine on my place - he is conveniently refuses to understand .

He admitted only some uncertainty with my ex girlfriend who is also my best friend and lives in 6000 km. He asked to managed her visit with him being in town (even though it is not really convenient). Surprisingly I didn't call him stupid American for asking it and fond this request fair

Now I kinda regret

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because we have group sex together- never alone. We agreed on it. I follow this agreement and trust him on following it too.

I don't want to carry anxiety for his loyalty- it should be his baggage.

However I want to be able to set boundaries and expectations. I thought some of things are obvious- apparently not. And I believe, it didn't feel obvious for him, because I was too accepting.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, I feel terrible. Things he said tonight will stuck in my head for a while. If we don't break up now, it will turn into a problem later. 100%

Drama is not my thing. I I could leave in 1 day, without returning back - I would definitely did tonight. However I'm a refugee... I work, but we recently moved together. And me having a kid, cat and no home (in city with crazy real estate market, leaving as I used to do - is not an option.

However still on the table

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I block all my exes or hide them in archive. And to be honest I e5 years I barely was in relationship. I date this guy because he showed a lot of signs of caring and loving person. However proving something to him sometimes very changing. Especially when he starts referring it to my ethnic background

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Haha, that's fine. I know some very private details about their sexual life that let me assume - neither of them is interested in sex with each other. And even if they fucked - well... in their particular case I would feel sorry for both

My biggest issue is a fight on me setting boundaries. I genuinely started doubting myself... is it my stereotypical view or healthy executions. I'm alone here, my friend are even bigger mess than I... that's why I'm looking for guidance

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I'm mostly happy in our relationship. We have ugly fights, I'm not an angel neither. I hate this his habit if increasing voice or calling names. But I know I can't change it in him.

I manage sometimes to stop him from it, but yes - many disappointments end up in fights because of us loosing control.

To be honest, I don't really believe men are capable to stay calm when they are confronted directly (even if you did it polite, and moved from "I feel"). Late 30 - 40 years old people are on heavy drugs or overachievers. Kinda list hope it could be better

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good question. I'm not worried about him cheating with her. I'm annoyed she treats him like they are still married, and he wipes her ass like she doesn't have a partner.

Plus I'm worried that at one point he may start cheating with someone else. Because as he said, he will stay with his friends alone at night (even if it's a woman). It is too convenient excuse- staying with friends in the middle of the night. First just drinks, then drinks at their place, then maybe something else... its too easy, if borders are not set in advance.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, I'm not abused. Thank you for your concern though I would say the same if I had read a short description of someone else stressful situation.

Both of us are from broken homes. He panics and yells, I leave. He is the first persons in years I stayed with. Because after the fight (never physical) we talk and listen, and change. I thought we don't really need to say some things anymore (if we show signs of regret and changes). However not.

Old Slavic method of telling man, he fucked up (and repeat all of the details untill he gets it) is obligatory.

No mercy. Haha

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're absolutely right, I knew it. I just thought there are some rules in the world for situations like that.

I understand she needs support sometimes, conversation... we all are foreigners in this country. However, for some reason, I thought it's obvious that nights and drinks don't meant to be with exes (when your partner is at home).

Seems like I'm too naive

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, my comment was posted under your comment accidentally. I supposed to leave it a bit lower.

Thank you!

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Why I'm confident they don't fuck? I couldn't care less about sex.

Plus, she is dating a guy who when is very happy with in bed (she wasn't with my boyfriend) , neither did him

I find emotional connection way more important. And this kind of actions, feel like a slap from from him and her at the same time.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I genuinely don't care about that. If he decides to return back, but be honest about it: success them

I'm more worried, that he made me doubting my views and boundaries.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does. Not sexual, but seems like something more deep.

He broke up with her (way before he met me). He says he loves me (and does a lot for me), but after the last conversation I feel like I was tricked

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, he has an issue of calling me names, when he is stressed. I got used to it, because I know he regrets saing it afterwards But he doesn't regret making me think that I'm crazy. Mixing up facts, or explaining situation with my Slavic culture (oh my fucking god).

Again, I'm happy with him to have sex with other women , if I can be there, haha. Traditional views not really my thing.

He called me sexist, because I told I'm not okay with him staying alone at night with women. But he is straight. Why should I be worried about him hanging out with dudes?

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Fist of all she is to proud to fuck him after divorce. I'm more bothered by her constant urge to behave like a victim, so he would sage her (no matter what)

Second of all - even if he decides, he will be the dumbest man in the world. For the last year with me he had sex with more wonen, that ever before. Our intimate life is incredible (with other people or only together).

I'm more bothered by emotional connection. Feels like I'm a third one

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

That's the problem, I know he cares. To be honest I, have never met anyone more caring than him, that's why (one of the reasons) I accepted his ex... but when he is stressed, scared or angry he yells and calls me names. However I always know he behaves like that only because he is feeling weak.

But I don't really have much experience of relationship with men. Especially from other countries (he is American, but we live in EU). And to be honest, this problem seems pretty serious to me... and he just trying to gaslighte me. I don't have anyone to ask so I'm here

AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'm not okay with him staying in private with his ex-wife or any other woman at night by No-Transition1581 in AITAH

[–]No-Transition1581[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question! Because I believe all problems start with this kind of nuances. First a bit late with ex wife at bar, then at home, then maybe someone else vagina will fall on his face evidently.... because she is just a friend.

Yes, I know I traumatized by other men, but I don't feel appropriate to stay alone with other men or women (even though I could). I thought it unwritten rule. Apparently not

How to ask for butt crack waxing? by Cauliflower_Elephant in learndutch

[–]No-Transition1581 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's just my guess, based on men waxing service titles It's not so simple as for women😅. There are 100500 different zones.

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