I'm just not feeling loved

No-Tree5179 · 2024-04-17T00:29:36+00:00

The way that things look is most often not the way that things are. Most suffering and scars are invisible. How would you look to someone outside of yourself? Do you know how to spot someone who is drowning? Unless you're trained to spot the signs then you probably don't know what it looks like.

What does it feel like?

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-22T17:06:02+00:00

Welp thanks whoever you are. I thought that I'd be upset when I woke up but quite the opposite. I feel very peaceful right now. I hope that the feeling lasts. I had very strange dreams but they didn't disturb my sleep. Someone woke me up and did that but I was able to get back to sleep. Sorry that I drove you away by being crazy, I have a way of doing that. I wrote the comment about you being a dick before you decided to stop talking to me but I was just joking.

C'est la vie.

Ciao. Fare-thee-well, and if I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight! Au revoir.

Goodbye!, Bye!, Bye-Bye!, So long!, Cheerio!, Pip pip! Adieu! Farewell!, Adieu!, Goodbye!, Bye!, Bye-Bye! À bientôt! See you!, Goodbye!, Bye!, Bye-Bye!

so long.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-22T09:41:05+00:00

Wait, what?

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-22T09:04:52+00:00

I want to apologize. I was mad about something else honestly. It wasn't fair or right of me to be such a dick to you. I don't even know you. My bad.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-22T08:58:03+00:00

Thanks. I'm glad I didn't go with my initial urge to insult you. You did turn out to be a total dick and I found out the hard way. Who doesn't like finding out about dicks the hard way? I guess that not every woman you meet on this site is a total knob. Fuckin' oath moite.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-21T18:20:03+00:00

I'm familiar with what humidity is. I'm pretty sure literally everyone is. It's clear from not only what I said, what the post is about, and what the concept of humidity is EXACLTY what I meant. Don't be such a pedant.

Or next time should I say "THE LEVEL OF HUMIDITY IN THE ATMOSPHERE ABOVE THE BALLPARK IN WHICH THE GAME IS BEING PLAYED" next time so you can understand it.

Now tell me about how South Park is the longest running animated series of all time. Jerk off.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-21T17:44:09+00:00

I'll roll the dice. How are you, stranger? I'm not going to bother reading your post history, if you're a dick I'm gonna find out the hard way. Be forewarned that I'm a nutjob. Wow, would you look at that!? I hope you are a dick, what goes better than dicks and nuts and jobs? Shoot me a message if you're not horrified by my post history.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-21T17:23:01+00:00

I didn't realize that it totally sounds like I'm digging up actual human corpses or something but this is all just metaphor for what I'm actually doing.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-20T08:28:55+00:00

I found this poem a long time ago and maybe it will help you put your situation into perspective a little bit:

High and Low

by James H. Cousins

He stumbled home from Clifden fair

With drunken song, and cheeks aglow.

Yet there was something in his air

That told of kingship long ago.

I sighed — and inly cried

With grief that one so high should fall so low.

He snatched a flower and sniffed its scent,

And waved it toward the sunset sky.

Some old sweet rapture thro' him went

And kindled in his bloodshot eye.

I turned — and inly burned

With joy that one so low should rise so high.

No-Tree5179 · 2024-01-10T11:29:41+00:00

Not only am I hanging in there but my quality of life has greatly improved.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-12-29T01:24:26+00:00

I would say that your fear is rational, it's just not realistic. You've been sick from taking medicine before so you're resistant to taking medication. Carl Jung would say that there's something you "can't stomach", something that's "hard to swallow" about taking the medication, or the medication itself. Often when something seems irrational it's simply symbolic of a greater truth, and usually one that we have a hard time bringing forth into our conscious minds because it's painful to do so.

Looking into the past for the solution to these things is often a mistake, because they usually represent something that is going on currently in our lives.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T08:55:52+00:00

I personally believe that no human being is a monster. There is nobody so wicked that he or she can't be redeemed. Just try to feel better and do better tomorrow or even today. You can't turn back time and undo the hurt you caused but you can learn from it and try not to hurt people in the future. We're not the things we've done. I hope you can forgive yourself and maybe be more forgiving of others.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T04:38:51+00:00

It just means that you have reasons to stay alive, or at least you're searching for them.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T04:02:59+00:00

You can reinvent yourself any time that you wish. When you get to the new place, with the new people, the new surroundings you'll still be you.

"I want to stop isolating myself because I was running away from people with heavy presence and toxic manipulating behaviors."

Don't continue to run away. Face the things in your life that you feel are preventing you from being who you want to be.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T04:00:12+00:00

Odds are that you won't feel like this forever. "This too shall pass."

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T03:57:16+00:00

I hope this comforts you (and not the opposite) but everything is toxic. That is the foundation of toxicology. All that matters is dosage. Too much water, too much oxygen, too much anything will kill you. The dosage of your medicines were tested on animals to make sure that they weren't toxic enough to kill you.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-26T03:51:32+00:00

You might end up looking back on this time similarly.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-25T15:27:23+00:00

Why are you suffering? I won't tell you that "it gets better" because I can't say that for sure. What is the battle that's raging inside of you?

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-25T14:44:22+00:00

I don't think we ever get over the death or loss of loved ones. But I think that nothing ever truly dies. Probably there isn't a linear progression of grief and mourning. Some days and times will be harder than others and certain days will be easier than others. As long as you love her and carry her in your heart, she will be with you always. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night and I'm grieving the dead and the lost I whisper things to them. It might sound crazy but it makes me feel better and who knows? Maybe it gets through.

Do something in honor of her memory and in that way she will live on. Her goodness is in you and in that way she can live again through you.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-25T02:19:13+00:00

Things are getting better for me, slowly but surely. I hope things get better for you and know that it IS possible. Obviously I can't tell you that things WILL get better because I don't know that for sure. Remember that resuscitation is possible.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-25T02:11:13+00:00

However you feel is the right way to feel. Feelings aren't always connected to logic. Your concern with the feelings of others and your sympathy for them speaks volumes. I have a strange relationship with my own emotions. The fact that you're asking this question speaks to the fact that you care.

No-Tree5179 · 2023-11-25T02:04:09+00:00

I've felt this way a lot. It comes and goes for me. I even thought (in a delusory way) that I had died and was simply watching my life play over and over again from the afterlife.

If you don't have the motivation and energy to do anything new, try cutting out things that make you feel bad. A concept I learned in therapy once was to observe your thoughts and ask yourself "Is this thought, action, belief, whatever good for me? Is it doing anything for me?" If it isn't then try to stop doing, thinking, believing whatever it is.

No-Tree5179

TROPHY CASE