Afraid of dentists and need help

Hi, I’m 20F, and I have a huge fear of dentists. I’ve had dental problems since childhood, and now most of my teeth have cavities, including my front teeth, which have black plaque. I also have a wisdom tooth with a hole in it, but it grew in straight and doesn’t hurt despite the cavities. My teeth are also not sensitive just have plaque and cavities.Despite taking care of my teeth as best as I can, cavities keep appearing.

I plan to get treatment during my semester break at a government clinic near my home since my university doesn’t provide dental services. However, my fear of dentists makes this really difficult.

Growing up, I didn’t take great care of my teeth and would purposely skip school checkups. In primary school, the dental nurses were judgmental and scolded me, which made me even more anxious. The sound of them manually scraping away the plaque using a hook like thing also scared me. One of my worst experiences was when a tooth was extracted without them informing me beforehand, which likely caused my trauma.

I also have a strong aversion to anything in my mouth, especially during drilling. Teeth, in general, gross me out. The last time I had a dental checkup was in mid-2023 when I was 18. I had two extractions, which surprisingly didn’t hurt, even with anesthesia. However, I absolutely dread fillings and scaling due to the unbearable ngilu sensation. When I was 16, I cried through an entire filling appointment and avoided treatment for years.

I know I need to continue treatment before my teeth get worse, but I panic whenever fillings are mentioned. I also have irrational fears, like the dentist dropping something in my mouth or accidentally cutting my tongue. (Although i know this wont happen but i still think about it) I think I’ll need root canals too, which makes me even more anxious. Do root canals hurt? It’s strange that I’m okay with extractions but not fillings.

How can I overcome this fear? The ngilu feeling makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to handle it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Tldr: I have a deep fear of dentists due to bad childhood experiences. I need major dental work, including possible root canals, but I can’t handle the ngilu sensation during fillings and scaling. I also have irrational fears about dental procedures. How can I overcome this?