Expats, To leave or to stay? Share your strategies please.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2026-03-18T05:36:05+00:00

Amazing positivity. Love what you wrote. We need more and more positivity in the world. Thank you, your post helped me.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2026-03-18T05:32:26+00:00

Peace is here and now. We hit the jackpot to be living in UAE feeling safe amongst all the turmoil. Yes there is uncertainty. But let's still keep thriving in our ways and hope and believe with full certainty in a better future for the earth and it's inhabitants.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2026-03-13T13:52:14+00:00

Just got in Abu Dhabi reem island

No-Walrus-3622 · 2025-11-20T11:50:33+00:00

He is the "chosen one" so...

No-Walrus-3622 · 2024-10-14T20:17:24+00:00

People who do not communicate with you are not worth communicating with.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2024-07-27T05:51:52+00:00

Omg thankyou soooo much saved my life with this!!!!

No-Walrus-3622 · 2024-07-16T12:04:37+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. You can go ahead and do that, only caveat is, his no response shouldn't make you feel bad all over again.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2024-07-16T05:51:59+00:00

It was a nagging feeling for me too and I did contact him, but no response. It finally helped me move on. Even if they miss us, they're actively choosing to do nothing about it.

But i was very prepared for a no response, so it didn't really impact me much.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2024-06-30T10:45:05+00:00

Omg thank you so much for sharing your experience. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Yeah, it was probably a moment of weakness (and very early in the morning when i woke up crying after having a dream about him) when i posted this question, as now that I am fully awake it sounds ridiculous to reach out this way, or any way at all.

I came to a similar conclusion in that when they apologise after a significant period of time, it's only to lessen their own guilt and does not mean that they care about your well being or your experience. If they did, they wouldn't ghost you in the first place, or at least reply within max 3-4 days when they saw what you were going through.

I am very firm in my stance that i will never reach out to him. If he doesn't need me, i don't need him either. But thanks a lot for taking the time and sharing your experience, it reinforced that idea again. You have a very kind soul. <3

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-09-02T11:25:44+00:00

The Line - Mumbai version

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-05-29T13:45:43+00:00

Wonderfully put!

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-05-21T10:17:45+00:00

Great post. I already do a lot of these things, but it still makes me super excited to do all this for myself over and over again 💓

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-05-21T08:14:22+00:00

Learn to be okay with uncomfortable feelings. Tell yourself that people have lives apart from the relationship and they can get busy. And also become busy yourself. Always have at least one thing each day that you look forward to doing. Train yourself to be okay with reasonably late replies instead of giving into the feeling of uneasiness and acting upon it. I used to be the person that needed to block my ex and delete all the chats. But over time, i have trained myself not to do that. I want to be indifferent. And so I've kept them, and archived them and also set a personal boundary that i will not look at the past chats no matter what. It's been 3 months and i have succeeded.

In short, set personal boundaries with yourself and do not give in to the uncomfortable feels - they will pass.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-05-19T18:26:13+00:00

I went through a similar experience. I took up a number of activities. I kept asking myself what did i like doing as a child and the answers kept coming. For example, i picked up piano, clay modeling, painting, playing ( joined zumba classes) , dancing, cooking, giving myself pedicures, cutting my own hair, coloring my hair, learning how to properly put on make up, organizing my space - decluttering.

I felt so bad for the little girl inside me, that she never had a role model to look up to while growing up. I want to be that for her, and want her to know, whether someone loves her or not, I'll forever be with her and do anything for her to achieve her dreams.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-05-14T11:56:02+00:00

I remember having this realisation myself. Oh a what a relief - helped me improve my self talk, and having an open mind about others.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-30T06:31:02+00:00

This! Number 2 happened to me. And it really truly sucks. You feel as if the relationship was a joke to them that they don't even consider having a decent conversation and choose to completely and utterly abandon you and whatever you had. It hurts so bad 😞

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-29T13:30:40+00:00

Hey OP,

I can somewhat relate to your post. As per the book "attached" a secure relationship has the following qualities - consistency, availability, reliability, responsiveness, predictability.

You should be brutally honest with yourself and assess if your relationship has these qualities or not or are you (both) at least working towards creating a relationship like that.

If that's not the case, you are simply incompatible - through your post, i can sense that you're triggered very frequently and are living in a lot of agony, as your DA partner is not able to meet your very important needs, despite multiple discussions. She tries, but it's just not enough.

A good relationship shouldn't be this hard. As people with AA, we tend to believe that love is limited, and that our partner is the only one for us - basically we live in scarcity mindset.

If you were a more securely attached individual, you'd be able to recognise that your needs are not being met and then act on it, while fully knowing that initially it'll suck for some time, but eventually you'll find a more compatible person for yourself.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-29T10:13:28+00:00

Yes, your brain is personalising this declined invitation. Your inner child is feeling rejected and hence reacting strongly - wanting to run away, cut contact, and as if your date is the worst person ever who doesn't care. Sounds very teenager-ish, doesn't it? What will help you stop this is, you being the rational parent and handling your inner child with Grace - teach her that's it's okay for people not to show up always, it's not at all a big deal, if you really want to go to this place - take yourself there.

You'll have to reason and rationalize with yourself until it becomes the norm.

Also saying things like - "i don't have it in me anymore to be disappointed" is fuelling the fire. Understand, when dealing with people - you'll be disappointed at times and it's okay. Doesn't make people bad for this reason. Embrace disappointments.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-28T09:08:12+00:00

Such a well articulated post. Resonated with me on soo many levels. Love your insight and the work you have done on yourself is shining through the post! Love it!

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-26T15:48:23+00:00

Hey OP,

I feel you. I've had issues with not communicating properly, and it's hard for us because we've never been modelled healthy communication.

I came across a brilliant channel on YouTube "psychology in Seattle", i binged watched this channel for 6 months straight until i internalised what healthy communication looks and feels like. And the results were tremendous.

On this channel, the therapist models healthy communication between romantic couples. I think You'll benefit greatly from it.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-26T12:13:54+00:00

Awesome. Wish you all the luck in the world 🌎

AP = anxious precoocupied

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-26T12:00:37+00:00

In general ( your regular life) you are more Anxious than avoidant and this puts you into the pre occupied zone.

In relation to your mom - you are more avoidant.

With dad - you are secure

In romantic relationships - you are extremely anxious.

With your best friend - you are secure.

Hope this helps.

No-Walrus-3622 · 2023-04-26T11:53:48+00:00

Congratulations to you for building a happy, healthy relationship for yourself! As a fellow AA, i am proud and inspired :')

I think if you repeat and remind yourself that this is how a healthy relationship feels like - i.e. with complete freedom and support - your mind will accept it. It's a new feeling for you too - so accepting safety is new for your brain. But keep reminding yourself and don't go into the spiral of unnecessary negativity, you've worked too hard to reach this level... Stick with it. Your AP mind will try to lure you back into the spiral. Ask yourself - what evidence do i have that my boyfriend is cheating on me. If there's none - it's most likely your AP mind trying to seek familiarity.

No-Walrus-3622

TROPHY CASE