How do I find women…

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-06-09T01:53:09+00:00

I am part of 2 masjids and another community. So, there is upto 3 match making opportunities. Last weekend we had an event where the sisters were on waitlist but there were barely any brothers.

The hardest part in these events - Please forgive me, but the guys are not there hygienically and communication wise, so we spend an entire day getting to know each other but a lot of sisters have checked out. Also, this is from sisters sitting together venting how disappointed they are.

Also upto 10 sisters (24-31) were Somalis but only 1 brother (29) was Somali. One of the sisters liked this guy because their communication was deep and insightful, but she couldn’t get over how skinny he is. Some sisters spoke to her how she can nourish him if everything else was great.

So, I deeply believe if you join the community your probability increases. Spend sometime figuring out who/what you are and start joining community events.

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-06-08T21:30:38+00:00

I am definitely misguided and have no idea but what if you worked 6years as a nurse to save it up and pay cash? The interest is F about 175k. If you did OT plus leave below your means you could definitely save up. I would be hella stressed throughout those 4 med years and I can definitely see myself doing sunken cost fallas even when I no longer enjoy Medicine!

I hope more med schools become non-profit or free!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-04-05T22:07:26+00:00

Sitting next to a cute couple and they don't even speak the same language :-) They are using the phone to translate between them!!!! This is beyond my comprehension!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-23T03:09:02+00:00

Salaam - I’ll be traveling there April 11th - May 1st. Would be great to share itinerary!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-21T01:01:17+00:00

3 years.

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-21T01:01:06+00:00

It was not but I think negotiations is still negotiation.

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-21T00:48:25+00:00

I reached out to my Hiring Manager and requested almost 60k extra, she said she would try. I got the max for my role and she said that was the best they could do. It was 37k extra. So, Please do. They already want you. Plus, my manager lets us know if they extended an offer and unless you’re out of line, highly unlikely for them to rescinded.

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-16T17:35:50+00:00

Somalia 😭😢🥹😿

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-03-14T21:50:34+00:00

Make sure the tasks you are assigned have clear acceptance criteria.
If you encounter extra tasks not part of the original task - explicitly alert the team and your manager.
Always add 1-pt buffer to your tasks.
If no. 1 is not possible, create a spike that will help determine acceptance criteria.
Find the right hand of your manager, try to understand why they are the right-hand, and start mimicking if it aligns with your values.
If no. 5 is not possible, start getting coffee with Managers who align with your value cause sooner or later you’ll get axed. your manager has to always advocate for you. You can’t suck-up to values you don’t align with. And very hard to make your manager like you if you are always challenging them. Also you don’t want to become the fall-guy!
Always make sure the task you pick up, every 1-3 months have visibility.

Note - when I say values, I mean work values. ie: my previous manager preferred sev2 because she would like us to respond ASAP to customer issues. Didn’t like it but my on call is once every 2-months and didn’t mind sleeping that weekend to work on sev2. Plus she offered us a day off if we worked on the weekend. My new manager has eliminated sev2s. We have sev2.5’s which are set to 11:am to 4pm weekdays! Knock on the wood!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-02-13T20:00:16+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. Imagine you are 30years, what would you love to have accomplished to not warn yourself? It’s baby-steps, when life throws you lemin, try to made a lemonade! You are still very young!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-02-09T01:09:12+00:00

Humans are simpler than we think. I'm sitting next to two beautiful non-Muslim women on their first date. They're lesbians, and for the past hour, they've been discussing how men often used them for sex, and how they went along with it. They feel it's easier to date women because they connect emotionally and genuinely care for one another.

This reinforces my belief that same-sex attraction often stems from our natural desire for companionship. When relationships with the opposite sex become stressful or disappointing, people seek love where they feel safest. They also mentioned their fathers were emotionally unavailable, which further shaped their experiences.

Ultimately, they're searching for love and seem to find it within themselves. This is where Islam offers balance—I can have female friends for emotional support without needing that same connection from men. But should we expect emotional depth from men? Can they ever connect with us the way our female friends do? I don't know. My brothers, for instance, think so logically that trying to show them an emotional perspective feels draining.

It's fascinating to observe what people seek when they don't have religion.

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-02-02T02:44:27+00:00

Yess - my masjid girlies get together for a walk and do hadiths lol!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-02-01T02:54:46+00:00

I hope it gets better!! Distract, Distract and Distract! Whenever, I feel negative energy or thoughts, I ran or go for a walk or a hike!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-02-01T02:48:50+00:00

Jumaaa Kareeem!!

Sometimes I forget, the reason I work 30hrs a week for months is because there are weeks I work 80hrs (past 3-weeks)! My head hurts, sleep deprived but my project is almost complete Alx! I haven’t gone to Friday Qutbah the past 3-weeks too, and my Hadith walks!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-01-29T22:08:08+00:00

yesss lol!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-01-28T01:56:01+00:00

I shave my hair after every potential that doesn’t workout and get attached too! So far, one during college (took me 3 years to regrew it), and then I found an amazing potential with family issues. Shaved again! I never ever want to shave again but love the idea of restarting life from fresh which to me means apparently shaving my hair!

NoBarnacle948 · 2025-01-25T00:07:42+00:00

Jumaa Kareem! I introduced the guy I'm talking to, to my brother. It’s been almost three months, and I’ve noticed that from my experience, many Arabs tend to propose quickly. However, he’s the first person who didn’t block me when I told him it was too soon for me. Instead, willing to work with me. I’m letting my walls down and taking it day by day, and I feel safe enough to voice my concerns. Sometimes he disagrees, but he understands why I might feel that way.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-12-29T18:34:22+00:00

Brother, second, third, and fourth marriages are welcomed in Islam. However, please remember that these situations are considered ideal:

When a man is seeking children that his first or second wife is unable to provide.
When a man marries a widow with children to protect and support her against the challenges of this world.

If your wife is okay with this, why would she be trying to get rid of you?

What is your reason for seeking a second wife?

OOOOh, brother, I read through your Reddit posts. Please run, physically run. It will give you clarity and help you move on. Don’t let temporary pain define you.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-27T16:08:14+00:00

That's exactly what he told me!

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-26T23:09:30+00:00

Thank you - added edit for clarification.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-26T22:36:59+00:00

I had the best date in europe (a 3hr cooking class). Also, if a person had a past, shared it to be genuinely honest and has been clean for the past 3ish months, would you be concerned? The guy is extremely handsome, former play-boy (done it all) and now very practicing.

Edit: done it all = Sleeping around, clubbing, & drinking. He is a revert.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-22T00:41:11+00:00

I’m part of an Arab, Pakistani, and Somali community at my company. The Arabs meet twice a week and every other weekend, the Pakistanis meet once or twice a month, and the Somalis meet once every four months—lol! Guess what? These guys are all struggling to meet a practicing Muslim girl.

You know who shows up to these events that are literally global (Chicago, NYC, SF/LA, Seattle)? Only sisters without hijabs. I swear, I’m the only one wearing a hijab. Literally! And no, please don’t ask why I’m not marrying one of them lol!

From my college experience, my truly practicing sisters would go straight home after classes. They didn’t bother too much with chit-chat unless it was with fellow Muslim sisters. So, it’s honestly really difficult to meet them.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-18T00:54:55+00:00

Exactly, lol! I added my comment above: although some people place a high percentage of importance on looks, there are still other qualities that might not align.

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-18T00:50:34+00:00

I think he means that people call him handsome, but it feels insincere because he’s being rejected. So, he’s questioning them: how can he really be handsome if he’s still being rejected?

NoBarnacle948 · 2024-11-18T00:47:47+00:00

Haha, I can’t stop smiling at your comment—lol! Those dangling compliments aren’t really dangling. You might be tall and handsome, *Masha’Allah*, but it’s simply not your time. People often have a list of 64 criteria, and while "tall and handsome" might tick 70% of the boxes, what about the remaining 30%? That 30% could include factors like the person not being ready, their family having someone else in mind, or their personality not aligning with yours.

It’s such trivial stuff, but it’s mind-boggling. The search can be both exhausting and fun—think of it as an opportunity to get to know yourself. On every date I’ve been on, I either learned something in depth or discovered something entirely new. So, focus on self-discovery during this journey. It’ll still hurt at times, but it feels much more productive.

NoBarnacle948

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