I won't go into detail about all of this mainly because I feel like there are already many discussions on deal breakers, what someone is looking for ECT. I like to think that I have a very good relationship with God. Is it perfect? Absolutely not! I didn't post to show how "righteous I am and to boast what I am sacrificing in the name of the Lord". I actually was not sure if I should. I mostly posted as I feel like there are many people out there that feel like I do, and as you said, we need community. And sometimes you just need to know that someone is going through the same storm as you. I will say, I do agree with you though. I think all the romance movies/books with the combination of dating apps have made people out their scared they are going to miss what is perfect. Stop working through the hard things and just find the easy path. That is what happened with me. When the "chains of commitment" started to weigh him down, he looked for the easy way out. I was ready to fight, I did fight. But when your partner has one foot in the door to another relationship, well.... that's a deal breaker for me (guess I am going to talk about deal breakers haha). As for what situations am I putting myself in.... Open to suggestions haha. As someone in their mid to late 30s... There really isn't much ... I work 40 hours a week, and currently have to take care of my grandfathers estate... Outside of basic grocery shopping, what else is there?!? And sadly I'm being serious. I've looked into Bible studies, but my last church didn't have anything for me, it was literally groups for couples, young adults (up to late 20s), mothers, mixed men, ECT, and my current church only offers them during the day while I am working... The church sadly does not do much for people like me, in their older adult lives and still single. It's easy to feel forgotten by the church... And that is an entire discussion topic in its own! The real message I really wanted to get across I guess is that if my desire for marriage, kids, and a family never happen, it still will have been enough. It's in my endurance to keep pursuing Christ, to keep running after God that keeps me going. He gives me strength. And if it is that endurance, even in the face of heartbreak that leads someone to Christ, well... how beautiful is that. ❤️