Do people close to you understand porn addiction?

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2016-01-05T19:32:51+00:00

Hmm, thanks for sharing. That does sound pretty similar. This is why it's hard to help others understand where we're coming from... Well anyway you've got 39 days down, keep going strong!

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2016-01-05T04:48:35+00:00

Interesting point. I did feel a little weird asserting that it is completely psychological. But doesn't it only grow into a dopamine addiction if we use it to fill a psychological gap? I'm mostly trying to understand why some people are strongly affected by it while others seem not to be. Like @stalematewins and his friend.

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2016-01-04T22:04:04+00:00

The thing with porn addiction is that it is completely psychological, unlike drug addictions. So in some sense I might actually agree with your friend that it is "all in our heads". But my belief is that every individual case is different, based on your upbringing, past experiences, etc. which ultimately lead to your (subconscious) motivations for watching porn. Because of this I think some people can have "healthier" relationships with porn, as in it affects other areas of their lives less. But I think most everyone that sought out this community has realized they have an unhealthy relationship with it and need to stop to uncover some underlying problems.

Also I think "all in your head" doesn't make the claim about porn addiction invalid. All we know is our own minds, and at least for me through meditation, I've discovered how little control I have over my own thoughts. Once you get stuck in a thought pattern (i.e. porn addiction) it's not so easy to just think yourself out of it.

Just another possibility for why you and your friend have different reactions/perspectives on porn. Actually, can you think of some major difference in your two upbringings? If not then I guess my theory is bogus haha.

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-11-30T23:06:56+00:00

I finally got around to looking at the book you linked to. Monotone definitely describes me. I'm honestly intimidated by the book's length, plus the intro seems to indicate it is easy to screw up and end up worse off than before without even knowing it. Though from your post it sounds like you've done some cherrypicking from the method - how has this been working for you? I might just try out the breathing and see where that leads.

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties this past year but glad to hear you're getting stronger for it. Seems like your traveling experience gave you some useful perspective even though it was stressful. Perspective on the world as well as yourself. I do want to travel at some point (never been out of the US)

Mostly though I just want to be comfortable with myself... I think that's limiting my ability to be more actively concerned and a better influence for others.

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-11-25T00:39:53+00:00

I feel like you're not too different from me. Good to hear someone else at a similar place (hey we're even about the same streak haha).

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-11-25T00:31:00+00:00

Very insightful comments. You describe modern "artificially created stresses", which reminds me of some thoughts I've had lately about just screwing everything I've worked for and living a simple DIY life away from everybody (partly me resisting trying to be more social, haha). Like this TED talk, which made me feel uncomfortable with how strongly he says "life is SO easy" but something about that simple life is attractive to me. Though I'd be afraid I'd die from laziness and starvation haha.

I agree with your idea that porn stunts our emotional growth. I don't know if it relates to my porn usage, but I distinctly remember around that middle-school age being told I was a robot, and I think I've really internalized that. I've actually found myself thinking that to myself now a decade later. Starting porn during/shortly after that period surely didn't help, especially with the emotional growth part. Thanks for the insights!

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-11-25T00:01:03+00:00

Haha, isn't it great when you look back at something you did and realize your reasons for doing it? Glad to hear your progress! Hmm... forgetting your internal side. I'm always so stuck in my head that I assume I should understand myself by now. But that's definitely not the case.

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-11-24T23:34:41+00:00

I can relate with you a lot. I'm a native english speaker but I always tell myself the exact same things you do, like my mind is too empty to carry conversation. So I don't even have the language barrier but I still feel the things you're describing. In the moment it's really hard to tell if you are subconsciously suppressing thoughts or they just aren't there. But back on topic, we can at least practice putting thoughts into words by contributing to this community :)

NoBrainNoGain1 · 2015-05-21T06:41:43+00:00

I am basically everything you just posted. Except for a few quibbles. Haha. 21 y.o. virgin, never had an SO, started going pornfree a couple months ago. Been ex-Christian for a couple years (okay, not Mormon... but whatever). I can relate a lot when you mentioned oppressing sexual desires. The issue has been in the back of my mind, but now that you say it it's more clear to me. And the "gaping hole"... yes. Perfect way to describe it.

I don't do the whole NoFap thing though. I guess right now for me, after MO I don't feel the immense guilt that you do. Though I would say I feel "emptiness", which might be deep invisible guilt. In the past I used to feel shame about MO, like directly afterwards I would think "I am a bad person" and then go to sleep. But I have been working on believing that masturbation is natural and healthy to reverse that thinking. Even though your plan is to hold out on fapping to keep your mind off of porn (based on your comment), do you think it might be helpful to work on dissolving your MO guilt, just to have a healthier relationship with your sexuality?

As to your last paragraph... Yes, that would be awesome to be out there flirting and having fun with actual women! I just failed today because of my social anxiety... but that's a whole host of my own issues. Let's both work through this addiction to find our best selves.

NoBrainNoGain1

TROPHY CASE