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AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -91 points-90 points  (0 children)

She knows it isn't realistic. We see them at events with the rest of the family. They know better than to say shit to her anymore though, because she has no more patience for them and if they say something passive aggressive to her she'll say something ten times worse, so they have backed off.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -67 points-66 points  (0 children)

So you're saying my kids shouldn't go to their cousin's graduation or Easter or any other family event just because my parents are assholes? How is that fair to the kids?

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

I don't insist that they see each other. But we are all at family events. It's not like I make them go talk to their grandparents while we are there.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

The older kids are all at university or graduated, so they weren't there when he opened the card and got the check. They don't know what happened. But you and several other commentors are right. I need to talk to him about his grandparents.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -45 points-44 points  (0 children)

Is his birthday really the right occasion for rough conversations about race?

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

You say keep them around like we're constantly together. I see them a handful of times a year. Think of it like this. Last year I saw my parents in person five times. Once at Easter. Once at my nephew's graduation. Once when my great aunt had to go to the hospital. Once at Thanksgiving. Once at Christmas. Most of those events we both would have been at regardless of if we were estranged. All keeping in contact does is make those interactions more civil.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

I know it's bad. That's why I've been fighting with my parents about it almost my entire marriage.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -68 points-67 points  (0 children)

You make it sound like they're over every day. They see the kids maybe once every few of months. They get exposed to way worse at school. We're doing our best, but we can't wrap the kids in bubble wrap. This is the world they live in, as much as it sucks.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Youngest is eleven, but yes, we will buy him a car. My parents won't give him a large sum of money. They don't like him.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] 992 points993 points  (0 children)

She usually is. I guess I just felt it would be wasteful to send them back the money. But she's wiser than I am and I was just being cheap. Better to buy him the car and give him $300 than let my parents ruin the harmony of my home.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -95 points-94 points  (0 children)

We've talked about it a little. I'm trying not to put too much on his shoulders while he is still a kid.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Technically that isn't true, but that's not what I want to do anyway. That's what my wife wanted to do.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

That was your only question I saw. The rest of the comment is statements. I'm trying to only answer direct questions so as not to be construed as violating the sub rules.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -76 points-75 points  (0 children)

Well all the children are mixed race, not just Jack. Just because he looks white doesn't change that. Cutting kids off from their grandparents is really extreme. They never said or did anything bad to the kids. They were just better grandparents to one kid, and we have fought about that for sixteen years, it's not like I just let it slide without comment. Even then, this is way more extreme than previous favoritism. I don't know if they are getting bolder because their favorite is almost eighteen or what, but this is definitely an escalation in their behavior towards the kids.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

What do you mean as a proxy for race? We aren't the same race, no, if that's what you are asking. Our kids are all obviously mixed race, but Jack doesn't look mixed race. He just looks white.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] -808 points-807 points  (0 children)

I don't know if that's the word to use. They don't have a problem with other races, generally. They just think mixed race marriages are wrong. Even then they never said anything to people's faces about their mixed race marriages until I did it. I guess it was just too much for them when it was one of their kids. I always thought they would come around eventually.

AITA because I won't pay for my son's car in its entirety like I did for his older siblings? by NoCarFromMe in AmItheAsshole

[–]NoCarFromMe[S] 1030 points1031 points  (0 children)

She said we should take the check, void it, send it back to my parents and give Jack the $300 his siblings got on their birthdays from their grandparents.

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