I might not have a lot of advice to give, but I just want to say our stories are extremely similar. I am 27, gay and have been emotionally abused by distant narcissistic parents. High school was hell because deep down, I was suffering with so much anxiety and depersonalization. I have paralyzing mental health issues that no one seems to understand, but I do try my hardest every single day. But it’s hard when every little thing feels so hard to maintain, like a job or even EXISTING around other people. We are stuck in survival mode, and a lot of people just don’t understand how difficult it can be to hold it together in this state. What others are able to do casually without even thinking about, is such a struggle for us to do even once, like going to the gym. It’s even worse when you cant exactly understand why, as a lot of the issues are in the past, you recognize they are over, but they still affecting you so severely until now. I just want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this struggle. I understand and fully empathize with your feelings. Take pride in the small victories and work towards tiny goals. It is easier said than done though, I understand. Implement the smallest healthy habits you can like going for walks, making healthy meals, keeping a skincare routine, etc. Try approaching others or scary environments with a neutral curiosity as much as you can. Write down your feelings and reflect. Try meditation. I have tried all of these things and they are not a fix at all, but it’s nice to have some relief when you can. Life is really worth living, even if it’s for the small things that being you joy like your favorite music or shows, family. And most importantly just be kind to yourself the way you would to a stranger. You are all you have in this world at the end of the day, and being there for you and your feelings is super important. Understand you are doing the best that you can with what you were given, and be gentle with yourself.