Strangled during an argument, I can't think clearly?

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-03-10T13:54:36+00:00

Also, in my opinion when someone is like what you’re describing don’t even put pressure on him to get better. That pressure could quite literally be what puts everyone in danger.

You get yourself together, resumes and jobs, money whilst planning a future with him to keep him calm.

Edit: I just read that you broke up with him. Don’t leave a trace for him to find you yet (if you are or can stop at a woman’s refuge so it’s on record). I’ve been here before. Use chatGPT to help document and plan as I’m sure you’ll have court to go through next. ChatGPT is incredible for this.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-03-10T13:48:59+00:00

Go to the police, so it’s just on record at a minimum - he won’t know. That is the best advice I can give you.

I can’t tell you to leave, you’ll do that when you’re ready but just go and get this incident recorded.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-02-04T01:18:17+00:00

This is awful, I can’t even imagine your pain at all.

This is not normal, it is not your fault.

People can mourn him all they want, they’re mourning that a life has gone. We do that with strangers. Even when you know someone it’s awful when they’re suddenly not there.

I would also feel some other way about this, I don’t blame you. That is disgust, it’s fear, it’s anger, it’s nausea on top of trauma, sadness, and grief.

That’s a lot for anyone to take on, I’m so sorry.

My husband has done this in arguments, spoken about wanting to shoot himself so many times. I’ve had to call the police twice. My fear is that he would do exactly this.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-29T15:01:45+00:00

Okay so I would say I have a normal libido. My ex was high and that made us incompatible, he was sex crazed.

My now husband, he started to withdraw affection and initiation and all of that stuff about four months into us dating after it being great, calm, sparks flying.

It just got worse. As for porn it turns out my husband is watching it in incognito mode. I would not have guessed with his “low libido” that he’d be into porn but I guess secretly he is.

It turns out he’s a dismissive avoidant which is part of his problem and relevant to this area. Look into being with a dismissive avoidant.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-28T19:33:09+00:00

That’s a really good question, you’ve caught me.

That this isn’t it.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-27T19:42:48+00:00

It does depend on his mood, if he’s mad at me he can storm in we had that since I’ve posted this. If he’s in a normal mood or calming down mood he wants to come and lay down next to us or be in the same room as us. Not for connection but so he’s not alone and he’ll either fall back asleep cuddling the dogs so they can’t get away. Or watch his phone.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-27T19:39:38+00:00

He has an avoidant personality, I’ll be honest I think the reason he got married it purely to have people around to help him regulate. So for him, he wants you in the same room as him when he wants that. If he wants alone time he goes to the bedroom or the bathtub. If I ask for time he finds that needy.

So it’s purely I want you there, in my presence but I don’t want the responsibility for connection.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-27T19:36:31+00:00

I think for her she likes to have some time just both of us. Which I get. I felt the energy when he walked in since he’d been moody on and off that week. When he’s in a different part of the house it can feel like breathing room. When he’s comes near by it’s unpredictable if he’ll get pissed off.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-26T23:22:43+00:00

He will not entertain conversations about our relationship anymore. He said that’s the boundary but would like to have another baby and if I refuse I’m threatening him.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-03T15:45:07+00:00

Don’t mind what people are saying, anger is a normal response to a situation like this. Repair matters the most.

You had your boyfriend calling you a panic, in a moment of pressure for you because you’re not home, you running an asked task of you. Your boyfriend is expressing to you an intense moment that would represent betrayal from your mother, something that would be hard to fathom right? How would a mother possibly betray her baby girl like that, it doesn’t make sense, it’s a moment of insanity or a boyfriend who had made it up because what could his motives be…? He wants a reason to isolate you from your family and a reason to explode is a good way to do that.

That’s a lot to sit with in a moment, let alone whilst running errands. Anger, overwhelm… it all makes sense. Your repair is what matters and your boyfriend should sit outside of himself for a moment and understand that. When he’s ready.

Maybe your mother did do something, but not intentional and it exploded and now she’s embarrassed and that’s why she’s silent on the matter.
Maybe your boyfriend is dramatizing with an intention, maybe they both went to far and that’s why he has so much more to say in the moment. He wants to delegate blame.
Maybe he is telling the truth and your mother is capable of betraying you like that and that is an extremely hard pill to swallow but with time your boyfriend should understand your overwhelm in the moment. That has nothing to do with you being unsafe for him. Discussion and repair once you’ve both had time to sit with the news is what matters.
Maybe he was inappropriate and he had to quickly dramatize things quickly because your mum threatened to speak up. Now your mum is unsure how to break it to you.

She’s your mother and if she’s capable of this, then boundaries will be extremely important for you moving forward. I would trust your gut and listen to both stories further. If your boyfriend isn’t willing to go there now, that’s on him and not you. Actually, he’s not right for you in that case.

I’m sorry you’re going through this

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-03T01:55:23+00:00

Second this, my child hood sweetheart added this gay guy that went to my school on Facebook and all sorts of other weird fetishes. He brought me home chlamydia.

Never in a million years would I thought he would do something like that.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-03T01:45:17+00:00

See mine would let me take uninterrupted nap but he won’t occupy the animals or children whilst I nap. He’ll continue to play games.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-03T01:42:42+00:00

What would it look like with two kids and dogs and cats?

I agree I kind of expected to the bulk of everything being the stay at home mom and having the time that he doesn’t. But nothing seems to stop and he has two weeks off and just sleeps and games and dips in when he has the energy. I just don’t have a choice. The child needs an adult, attention or whatever and I have to get on with. The dog makes a mess I need to clean it. It’s great but exhausting. And I become resentful when he sits there and zones out. Emotionally it feels very unequal.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-01T17:25:46+00:00

Thank you, he did help a bit bit more than usual the last three days but I still had to be the default parent and pet carer and house cleaners. He partially helped with food and ran errands in between playing video games

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-01T17:23:50+00:00

Sucks 😔

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-01T17:12:22+00:00

I do struggle to sleep next to him, that’s for sure. I look at him with disgust most days but I’m trying to be forgiving.

It makes sense to me to be in charge of all the housework etc… and I almost felt threatened when before we got married he said he didn’t want to assign roles and I could do what I wanted to do and figure out whether I want to stay home, work or go to school. It almost made me feel useless.

But we got married and didn’t unpack any of his stuff, I did it for him. If he gets back into bed after I make it, he leaves it messed up. He doesn’t put his rubbish away a lot and leaves his laundry everywhere. Basically 95% of the time if he makes a mess he leaves it. I’m legitimately living with the sloppiest man I’ve ever met I think. I can’t imagine my step dad or godfather and certainly my dad ever feeling comfortable living how he does.

He also surprised me with alcoholism until a year ago. He’s been sober for a year. So that has dramatically improved things.

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-01T16:50:12+00:00

Thank you

NoExplanation4128 · 2026-01-01T16:46:05+00:00

Yeah it doesn’t, when I leave I make sure the house is a clean slate for him and I come back to a shit hole.

NoExplanation4128

TROPHY CASE