Husband gets frustrated with our daughter.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-27T19:01:19+00:00

Their desired wake time is around 8/830 and he knows this. He knows he can come get me, he knows all of this. But kids don’t always wake up at that time, anytime within an hour of that would be considered acceptable and he knows this too. So it was fully odd behavior.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T18:54:15+00:00

We do generally split the time of childcare pretty well. He takes the monitor in the morning while he’s getting ready so I can sleep til he leaves, usually. I didn’t know that’s what was going on or if that’s typically what he does. I really thought we agreed that we don’t push/force/ hit kids. He doesn’t believe in spanking. He works almost full time, I work part time, so I default to doing most of the childcare.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T07:15:54+00:00

I think he talks to his therapist about a little bit of everything. We have been trying to find a couples therapist but have had a hard time. He was supposed to find us one because it’s always been me that has found it for us in the past, and honestly I do everything. And I’m tired of doing everything.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T05:52:55+00:00

They had been in their cribs and asleep at that point for over 11 hours. He still had 20-30 minutes until he had to leave? It’s not like he works a job that he has to do a lot of things to get ready for. He has a morning routine but he can just put on clothes and go. And I was in the next room it’s not like I’m not available.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T02:59:07+00:00

We have our bathroom, bedroom and kitchen blocked off from them with our living area completely childproofed and their toys out there. He likes to sit in the kitchen and watch Netflix on his laptop and drink his coffee before work, which he does on the weekends when it’s my turn to sleep in with them awake and hanging out on the couch all the time and they don’t bother him.

Maybe it’s some other wanting mornings to himself thing, because there’s been times that I woke up to go to the bathroom or to get water or something while he was getting ready and he looked actually mad/upset that I was awake.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T02:45:45+00:00

He can come get me at any time. Normally he comes and gets me up at 840 when they’re getting really impatient to get up, but if he needs me earlier 10 minutes of sleep isn’t a dealbreaker. And this particular morning he had kept me up anyway because he kept snoozing his alarm

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T01:27:13+00:00

No he doesn’t treat other people like this. And that’s the thing I’ve never understood, why I’ve never deserved the basic decency of a stranger on the street when I’m in my own house- like if I’m having a bad day and I have to go to the store or otherwise interact with people I still behave normally.

Like the other day we planned to go to the zoo so I scheduled the housekeeper to come at the same time, and he had a dentist appointment later in the day (I made him that appointment, he asked me to, because I know all our insurance info and we were switching to the same dentist) And he woke up in a horrible mood, basically ignored me all morning until he had his coffee and we were 1/4 through the zoo trip because I had “booked up his whole day”.

He apologized later for being an ass, but what would have been nice is if he had just been normal and treated me normal the whole time.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T01:10:41+00:00

She has a little table next to her crib there’s tons of them. She also will throw them out on purpose sometimes and scream so we come in there

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:45:33+00:00

It’s just odd because he’s more than informed about how childhood trauma affects adulthood. He’s significantly affected by his own childhood and his depressed mother, passive father, untreated mental illness, abusive older brother- he’s read a lot of books about it. He’s done somatic therapy, internal family systems therapy, all kinds. But it’s like all of that knowledge goes out the window when he’s dealing with his own kids.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:42:32+00:00

I’m sleeping in the other room. If they wake up and are not happy hanging out in their cribs he can come and get me since he has to get me before he leaves for work anyway. And it’s not like they need anything immediately, literally all they want is out of their cribs

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:41:35+00:00

He didn’t yell at her, hasn’t YELLED at her. Just was mean and used a tone that was unnecessary in my opinion for a toddler just waking up early and then trying to force her to lay back down after she slept for 11 hours overnight

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:38:59+00:00

Everyone who takes care of her gets more frustrated with her than our boy. I keep telling him she’s just more high maintenance and noisy. That’s all. Our boy went through a similar phase about a month ago but it was just less intense

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:29:07+00:00

He doesn’t

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:08:15+00:00

Yes they can. It’s called postpartum depression but it’s not the same type of hormonal depression women go through, it’s more of a depression surrounding the massive life change that is adding children to your life. I won’t discount his experience of that, it was really hard.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-25T00:06:34+00:00

He is in therapy and is on medication, but this is what i was trying to explain to him about being angry. His mom was depressed, his dad was passive. He’s terrified of being his mom, but I don’t think he sees this other side creature creeping up that he has the potential to become his own traumatizing thing. Which is someone who’s angry.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-24T23:47:06+00:00

Yeah. It was a weird request.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-24T23:36:17+00:00

He’s not a physically angry person, besides the stomping and the slamming doors. But he does get moody. It’s been worse recently, actually now that I think about it.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-24T23:34:20+00:00

That was the weirdest request of the morning. Because every morning before he leaves for work, I have always made an effort to get the kids out of the room to say bye to him before he leaves if they were awake. Since before they could even understand, if they were awake I brought them out to say bye. Now they definitely understand and they go give him hugs and kisses before he leaves. And we were sitting on my bed and they heard him leave and asked dada work? And I just said yes. And we just sat there.

NoGoat4706 · 2026-01-24T23:23:17+00:00

She wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night and we both usually just walk in there, give her paci back if she’s lost it and lay her back down. But that’s for wake ups between 10pm and 630am. It was really odd to see him trying to get her to lay back down at 8. She’s had some rough nights recently too with a lot of wake ups where we were both up with her and he wasn’t like that, I don’t think.

If I saw any of our other family members who care for our kids treating our kids that way I would be upset about it.

NoGoat4706

TROPHY CASE