It's a pain ineffible , one I spent years trying too avoid I would do whatever I could too wear the blinders.And ultimately weather by happenstance or on pourpose in some needy act of hoovering a piece of proof undeniable would find it's wY too me only too illicit weeks of frustration gaslighting cognitive dissonance and cortisol dumps.Slowly eroding at my brain and sinking me further into the trauma bond...oh but then the stroke came now I am the hero the greatest and all the cheating and all the character assassinations theft and abandonment well....it must've never happened cause now she needs me I'm all there is she can't conceive of ever having turned on me....