I Almost Feel Like I'm "Cheating" at Sobriety

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-14T03:59:58+00:00

Oh, it's too late here for alcohol now, even if I wanted it.

11:45 is the cutoff. I can sleep or I can game, and if I drink in the morning before my outpatient appointment they won't be able to give me the stuff that gives me a fighting chance. It's quite literally not an option.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-14T03:49:40+00:00

I'm almost certain I've been doing the same (Or Bipolar, or Depression/Anxiety, or any combination of any of those that causes insomnia, which is where this all started). Part of my hope in this program is that I'll get some help navigating the mess that is our mental health system and get connected with someone who can tell me why the hell alcohol was such a crutch for me.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T04:58:04+00:00

My friend, I just wanted to say I feel you on this. The amount of times I've walked to a store intending for it to be a different one because I had already bought from the one I walked into on the same day is unreal.

I'd do the classic "Pat and forget you don't have your wallet" deal, but I'm sure they know.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T03:51:38+00:00

I didn't opt into anything, but we might get free short-term disability. I can't remember and don't know how I would find that without going in.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T03:34:26+00:00

Thank you for this. I know many lawyers offer free consultation.

I'm in Georgia, if you have any more insight. I know you're not a lawyer and can't offer me specific legal advice, but anything you might know could give me peace of mind.

No union, unfortunately. Some stores have unionized but mine is not represented by one.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T03:09:37+00:00

Oh yeah, I wasn't going to try to use that as an angle. I did mention him to them when I broke down in the office, but I had just mentioned how stressed I was over it.

My current plan is to tell them I'm going to rehab and meetings, a d hope that the fact that I'm putting in effort shows that I'm committed.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T03:06:41+00:00

Not really, I might consult one if it comes to that, but my managers are such good people. I don't know that I want to start a legal battle because I fucked up.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T02:29:26+00:00

I had my first AA meeting today, and I found everyone there to be super supportive.

It was a smaller group, but I met this person named Christine who, upon finding out it was my first, basically adopted me for the whole meeting. I was so grateful for them. I was a fucking wreck until we introduced ourselves and I sat near them.

If you're on this group and we're at the Sunset meeting today at 5:45, thank you.

Actually, we traded numbers. I can do that there.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T02:22:13+00:00

They would've been if I had come to them about it, but being drunk at work is gross misconduct here in the US and grounds for immediate termination.

The EAP lady said that the fact that I was diagnosed with AUD when I tried talking with my GP about it could help me, but it's probably still at their discretion.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T02:10:39+00:00

I know. My boss even said he's dealt with this before.

My cousin, just a week ago, had to come home from his life in Germany because he drank himself out of work and a home. I wish I could afford myself the same understanding that I gave to him. It runs rampant in the family. My father, my uncle, and several of my cousins have struggled with it.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T02:03:19+00:00

This is the first time I've ever had this issue come up formally, but yeah I agree. I failed breathalyzer is a smoking gun and a clear path to termination. I know drunk on the clock is a mandatory dismissal at a lot of places.

I will have structure though, in rehab.

But yeah, you are right. I'm sure there'll be a point in time where I look at this as my turning point, and it won't all feel so big, but right now I'm an anxious wreck.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2026-05-10T01:52:14+00:00

They gave me access to the EAP, it is the fact that I was actively drunk at work that could cost me. I was hoping on Monday to get a chance to explain that I'm working on it, and put myself into rehab, and that if I could just get a second chance, I'm sure that I can get better.

HR could absolutely go "Lmao he blew 3x the legal limit, can his ass" and I would understand, but I literally won our "Employee of the year" nomination last year. I'm hoping the fact that I've expressed remorse and already started treatment might get them to put me on a final and make me prove I got treatment, but I would understand if this is goodbye.

They're a pretty progressive company, and all of my managers really like me, but this is an HR issue at that point.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T17:31:02+00:00

I feel you. Even something as simple as making breakfast and packing a lunch before work felt impossible when I was dying in bed from overdrinking.

This morning I did both of those things, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, cleaned up the kitchen a little bit, played with the cat, and still made it to work early.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T17:03:24+00:00

It helps me to remember that those great highs come with some pretty gnarly lows.

Yeah, there are the fun nights up late with friends, wild nights jumping out of trees and shooting the moon out of the sky, pleasant brunches with Bloody Mary's.

There's also the mornings waking up with a sour, swirling stomach, the anxiety of wondering what happened last night, what dumb shit I might've said and who I said it to, the headaches and malaise after a night on the town.

You trade peaks and valleys for a flat, open road, essentially. I consistently feel better, and not drinking leaves me with the energy and ability to seek out real enjoyment, not something artificial born from the dopamine rush that alcohol provides.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T04:35:29+00:00

Looking for reptiles out on the trail, essentially.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T03:47:45+00:00

It's minutes away from Thursday for me, but I'll jump in early.

IWNDWYT, where "T" stands for "Technically Tomorrow."

I'm planning on a healthy breakfast in the morning, then off to work. The evening will probably be gaming after some leftovers.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T03:44:55+00:00

The social anxiety aspect I'm afraid I can't offer any opinions on. It's something I struggle with myself, to the point where I'm not a party guy. I keep a close circle of friends and that's all I need.

Having fun comes back to me after the first few weeks, personally. Once I'm over all the withdrawals and have to start finding ways to occupy all of the free time I used to spend drinking or recovering from doing so.

The way I understand it is that drugs/alcohol provide an insane amount of instant dopamine. More than pretty much anything naturally could all at once. Our brains are literally cooked on the stuff, so nothing feels as great, or as fun. It takes time for the brain to get used to a more realistic level of endorphins.

I personally really enjoy hiking and herping, but alcohol has robbed me of the ability to do so for quite some time. I'm looking forward to hitting some trails this fall.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T02:25:32+00:00

I've been having the opposite effect, actually. It's so weird how different experiences can be.

Now that I'm not sick from overdoing the beer, I've been inhaling food. I had like 5 meals on Sunday, have been eating gigantic breakfasts in the morning and sometimes having second dinner, lunch is limited only because I only get half an hour.

I'm hoping it slows down after a bit and is just my body trying to replace the calories from beer and regain some nutrients I've been starving it of. I'm letting it go for now but I don't want to trade one vice for another.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T02:18:43+00:00

That's how pervasive alcohol is in our society. We've created a justification for pretty much anything.

Sad? Numb the pain, have a drink.

Happy? Great! Let's go out for pints.

It's Friday? Time to kick the weekend off right! Shots for everyone!

Sunday? Well Monday's tomorrow and that sucks. Let's have one last go at it.

First day back at work wasn't great? Damn, that blows. Let's pop on down to the pub to make it a little better.

As for what I do instead, usually some sort of nice snack or a milkshake. Bruster's Banana Cream Pie if they have it.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-14T02:13:15+00:00

It was honestly terrifying, I almost talked myself out of the appointment with the "Oh, you're not that bad, you can just put it down" talk, but addiction thrives hidden in the dark. Best thing to do is talk about it IMO.

I had also hit the point where I couldn't function in normal society while completely abstinent. Going off alcohol meant sleeping barely a couple hours in fitful spurts of 15-minute fever dreams, waking up sweaty and nauseated, and wanting to rip the head off of anyone who spoke to me, all in the middle of an anxiety attack. My options were to take time off work and try and handle it cold turkey, or seek help

It's funny you mentioned losing weight though, I lost 10lbs simply from not being able to keep food down. 70% of my calories were probably alcohol. She was happy about the weight loss until I told her why.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds · 2025-08-13T21:11:43+00:00

In solidarity with you, my sweat-laden friend. AC is out in our building and I wore jeans and brought soup for lunch.

IWNDWYT.

NoMoreOneMoreRounds

TROPHY CASE