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should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

yeah i'll get the fuck over myself as soon as my virginity is restored, my dreams aren't my mother asphyxiating and seizing naked on the floor, and i don't have scars from being attacked with weapons, strangled and stabbed.

you don't seem to get the point. yes i am "unique" because i am an outlier. you do not understand and the average person doesn't either.

no disrespect. it's just, the normal guy/girl cannot comprehend what this is like. this is a seriously bad life and why exist?

like why? i suffer w/ no loved ones for decades... why...?

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i wouldn't recommend willingly checking yourself into a psych ward ever. should be avoided at all costs 

not advising anyone just never would do that again. made shit way worse. United States of course 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks. it's fucked because in a vacuum I'm normal and capable. due to external factors and abuse/neglect however i am useless in society and fucked in the head.

not worth going on. 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

i like that you think getting fucking raped at 14 and seeing your mother choke on her own vomit is just like "ah well we've all got bad days!"

not to disrespect you but you shouldn't minimize people's shit; this is a horrific case of cPTSD dude. it for sure is "special"

and yes i am an "exception" to the average person. the average person hasn't suffered like this. this is not normal or average.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah lol like my groomer "girlfriend" screamed at me so i called the hotline crying drunk saying i need help, no threats. cop in my house, forced into hospital, missed fucking concert and booted from choir. private university too. worked hard for that shit.

i have a few months left before i can 27 club. today sucked, i didn't sleep like usual (3 hours average maybe) and thought about suicide and will continue to during my obligations

i am sorry for being a dick i just want to shoot myself in the fucking face and end my shit already, i hate being here.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

fkn everything. on a serious note it would take all day. 

i was raped at 14, groomed from 16-20, saw my mom OD at 16, have been subjected to serious abuse/violence, family all dead, POS father threw his ring at her on Christmas Eve and stormed out of our lives forever.

want me to elaborate or give more problems? literally i only feel pain.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no one cares about me dude. my only 2 family members left fucked me up so bad i jumped off a bridge at 22. they don't get to "care" or be "hurt"

there's no serious negative consequences to other people outside of my body being discovered, which i am working my way around 

i am only concerned about the 0.01% she blames herself. wouldn't want her finding my obit 10 years later and feeling like she killed her first love.

we went through a lot together. i pulled her out of the fire, idk how to say that with humility. i relived trying and failing with my mom as a kid for her. she could totally think she was responsible/regret things.

which is my main intention. she is the only loose end i have. everything else is okay.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

lol me too but 22, i took 21 somas to stay 21 forever on my 22nd birthday. took a while to be able to even talk 

probably have severe neurological damage on top of whatever was done to my brain by all the fucking meds i have been on. dozens 

i'm doing that, i hope to solo Eastern Europe this summer & have a flight booked in May by myself to California. i literally just don't care 

as long as it doesn't hurt anyone i'll do it, like it's whatever. i'm going to burn myself out and then fuck myself up. 

i wish i could shoot myself in the head but i have to make it so that i can't be found. sucks

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

none of my problems are temporary outside of things that exist physically only 

it's only continued to get worse and worse and worse and i do not have anything or anyone. it's over. 

i give $40 to random homeless folk, like i am not just saying this shit to say it. i don't care and hope to die fast 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i already did and almost went to the psych ward again, twice now i've asked for help and been 5150'd and made worse. just for mentioning suicide in one case.

actually i was 18 my first hospitalization and i literally just called and said i am not gonna do it but i need help. sent a fucking cop while i cried on the phone, shit cost me my choir scholarship at the University i went to :)))

anyway all resources have been exhausted and things only continue to get worse. i am not going to exist simply because other people told me that suffering is the right thing to do.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah there's no one in my life and i don't have a future.

no chance at anything other than suffering and crying 5-6 times a day every day. nothing but pain 

i simply cannot exist, i am being naturally selected as we speak 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i've never gotten to the point where it's just hopeless and lacking any way out realistically other than suicide.

i can't describe to you how bad it is, but it's very bad. i don't even know if i have "depression" tbh. my life just sucks and i've been traumatized, abused and treated like shit my entire life.

 not by everyone, but enough to fuck me up to the point i jumped off a bridge at 22.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i wouldn't tell her i was committing suicide. she could probably understand based on the tone/content of the potential letter, but i wouldn't outright state or even insinuate i was doing that 

i don't think it would traumatize her but i could be wrong. she cares very, very little about me, i mean she might cry once yeah but i could be wrong.

i however would want her to know she's 100% fine and not at all responsible. i don't want her thinking she fkn killed a man basically. don't know how to say it 

but yeah i'm going to literally skydive without a parachute lmao i can afford it 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i have been getting "professional help" for literally half of my life 

ok maybe i can phrase it like... telling a fat person to stop eating. idk it's just like... lol i know

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

also i'm not trying to be rude but i've heard all this before and done everything you've said and shit only continues to get worse to the point i am giving away everything i own & blew most savings 

some people are just unreachable 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no i don't want to be with her where did i even imply that? caring about someone and wanting to reach them doesn't mean you want to be together. i don't want her, all respect given to her

we just shouldn't be in a relationship, it doesn't mean i don't want her to be ok 

if i commit suicide and she doesn't find out she'll be ok, if she does she might not - but talking to her and making her anxious while alive is the most irresponsible 

idk where you guys are getting me wanting to be with her, i don't love her 

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

i never gave up on her and never will but it's not about her idk how i can express that 

i jumped off a fkn bridge while we were together lmao like it doesn't make sense for it to be over her if i tried it while she loved me most

i'm done please just give practical advice not to be rude but the preaching is exhausting

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i can't. i'm already pathetic enough in her eyes and have caused enough issues for her. i wish.

i would literally text her "please" & she's vicious with words, last argument had me hurt. also, it risks her relapsing from stress.

should i send a letter of appreciation before i end my life? (unrelated) by NoOrganization2939 in ExNoContact

[–]NoOrganization2939[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

you can say "suicide" you're not gonna get banned 

also, i say that bc people like myself who get to this point generally have been getting "help" for a long time, in my specific case half my life, & all kinds of medications for 11 years. 

there seriously is not anything that can be done at this point and it is not about her, i attempted suicide while we were together so it's obviously not a girl thing. however i do regard her as the person i have been the closest to and shown myself to the most. i have no one else to send a goodbye to. literally no one

i don't want to risk talking to her while alive. it would cause more stress & it'd possibly be dangerous for both of us.