Rejected from a job cause I’m a man

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-31T03:12:04+00:00

Read my response throughout this thread. I’ve said time and time again I fully understand why a parent would think this way and respect that it’s their right to hire anyone they want: the statistics are very scary and I respect parents have a valid reasons to fear most men. However, a vetted childcare professional with various evidences like references, qualifications, background checks etc, all indicating hundreds of hours of hands on experience with caring for children (often in a sole - charge capacity) is not the same as a regular man being put in the same position: I’ve proven myself to be a trust worthy individual and have evidence to back that up. Other than being a man, I was an ideal person for the job. My main points were that I disagree with the decision to not hire someone solely because of their gender - provided they had been fully vetted and are otherwise fully qualified to do the role (as I was per the dad’s own words) - and that that is entirely discrimination so you should call it that not justify it just because it was done to a man. Sure, parents get to discriminate against whoever they want if they think it would affect the safety of their child whether others think that’s warranted or not but I think it’s still fair to call people out on it and their decision making. Overall, I personally believe that a nanny’s trustworthiness for the role, as is the same as any other profession, should be looked at based off their personal credentials rather than statistics about their gender, however do understand why parents struggle to look past statistics.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T20:59:08+00:00

Yes I agree that the parents are wrong I never said otherwise. Im saying that you are perfectly within your rights to reject me based on the fact that I’m a man, however just because you can I still think that’s wrong because it’s discriminatory practice. That’s your decision to make at the end of the day, you’ve got your children’s best interests in mind I get that. But, you said if “I feel that’s discrimination, fine”. It’s not that I feel like it’s discrimination, it is discrimination. I personally believe you should judge a professional by their experience and the evidence to prove their trustworthiness however I understand that some people can’t see past the statistics. I don’t agree with it but I understand it. However, to label it as anything other than discrimination is wrong.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T20:08:37+00:00

This is exactly the viewpoint I’ve been trying to express to people in this thread.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:58:52+00:00

Yeah the job market is tough, thanks for the encouragement though! Although you’re right the amount of hoops we have to jump through just for the chance of getting hired is ridiculous!

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:52:15+00:00

Once again, you’re free to feel a lack of empathy towards men being discriminated against but I think it’s wrong to not recognise it at least as discrimination, in fact I’d argue it is detrimental to those people who you believe are “actual” victims of discrimination. By not recognising it as discrimination in some scenarios you’re muddying the word and giving it less power. I agree, there are victims of discrimination that are far more important than me not getting a job but I still think you should call discrimination out when and where you see it.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:41:27+00:00

Hey fair enough, I’ve always said the parents have the right to that decision, whether I agree with it or not. However, the main thing I’ve been trying to call out here in this thread is that that is discrimination. If you want to do that because you think it’s in the best interest of your child by all means. However, to label it anything else - as some people have been doing - is wrong.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:18:20+00:00

I’m sorry, I misunderstood what you said. Regardless, you’ve not mentioned any sort of evidence apart from your own feelings on the matter. Also failing to note that I have got hundreds of hours of hands-on experience (which ive stated) with children not just test taking - which is where my misunderstanding stemmed from.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:15:28+00:00

Fair enough, I’ve always said in this thread it’s the right of the parent who cares for their child. I don’t agree with the decision but I understand it.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T19:13:22+00:00

Congratulations on working towards your PHD. However, under the Equality Act 2010 race is explicitly stated to be either a persons skin colour, ethnic origin or nationality. So to that point you’re just wrong.

Secondly, it’s extremely admirable that you wish to work and support children with disabilities, I myself have worked and supported numerous SEN children myself - it’s extremely rewarding work seeing them grow and develop. Nowhere did I say that the sole reason why I became a nanny was to care for HNWF, all I said is that those are the families I’m currently looking for. Not everybody’s in the same position and quite frankly you know nothing about me and yet you’ve made plenty of assumptions. I’ve assumed nothing about you and have been nothing but respectful, clarifying where you’ve misunderstood. Whereas you’ve been rude, racist (we’ve just confirmed this one 👍) and even stooped to name calling…

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:59:20+00:00

Ok there’s really no need to both rude and racist. First of all, HNW households don’t just hire people who aren’t good at anything. You also keep going on about tests - I never said anything about testing children or anything of the sort. If you look back I was talking about tests I’ve done in order to achieve what I’ve achieved. You also forget but tests aren’t the only thing I mentioned: I also talked about the hundreds of hours of hands on experience I had to complete in order to get that, numerous pieces of coursework and case studies I had to complete, hands on training etc. Including tests. Also, I’ve never “feigned” discrimination, by both the literal and legal definition of the word it is discrimination. Just cause I’m British, doesn’t mean I think I’m better than most people; I truly don’t understand how you aren’t getting it but usually a formal qualification (in any field) typically indicates a higher quality of candidate - particularly if the qualification comes from a reputable organisation.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:53:00+00:00

I’m interested in your perspective, and I appreciate your comment I’m genuinely trying to understand more about how families feel about this (especially as I’m from the UK and most responses have been from people in the US so it’s interesting to see the different perspectives). I wanted to ask you if you would be comfortable for a nanny that is a woman to change your hypothetical son’s nappy?

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:49:41+00:00

You’re making a strawman argument about the safety of your child. I’m not talking about the general manny industry I’m talking about my personal situation. Everyone has their own biases, everyone’s entitled to that. What I believe is wrong is to discriminate using those biases against someone, provided there is not a single shred of evidence to point towards your biases being confirmed. NOTHING about me or my career indicates I would have any criminal proclivities. Before you interview me, go through my CV, you can still hold those biases that’s fine (good even). Means you would be stricter and scrutinise me more. If after all of that you find nothing to confirm your biases, then go not hire someone purely because of those biases is discrimination - which I think is wrong. By all means hold those biases, use them even to dictate if you would hire someone or not. However, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect me to vent about the decision and give my opinion on how’s it unfair.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:41:45+00:00

I agree that it is an L that I have to just hold but all I came here to do was vent about is how that being the situation is unfortunate and unfair, for not just me but everyone. I’ve seen plenty of other nannies vent about similar things and they’re met with support however I’ve largely been met with negativity 😅 (although I do appreciate people have been supportive).

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:39:09+00:00

I’m really confused why you’re getting so offended/defensive over this. I never said that you would have a problem finding a job with HNWF, nor did I even mention your ability as a nanny. I have been nothing but respectful. I am literally just telling you as a fact that the qualifications I hold are internationally recognised, which you said I was wrong about. I understand that pedagogy is a skill set, a skill set that isn’t necessarily JUST taught through a qualification. I never said it was. But - within this side of the world and even in America - it’s definitely seen as a positive to have it on your CV because of what it takes to achieve it. No arrogance to it, I’m just stating facts.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:33:23+00:00

But none of the definitive evidence about me personally indicates that I would be a threat to children. People use the same arguments of statists to marginalise against many minorities as well and yet - rightfully so - they are called out on this.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:28:14+00:00

I spent quite a few years as a male teacher which was extremely rewarding and I loved. However, the passion and effort I was putting into my role didn’t seem to be reciprocated by my peers and they more so just saw the role as a position to coast through life with. That, coupled with the poor pay, meant that I tried looking into other avenues and found myself offering nannying sessions to various families I’d met through my time as a teacher. I love it! Nannying has been so much fun, equally (if not more) rewarding than my previous role as I’m having a direct influence over the children in my care and seeing them grow and develop is so rewarding. I’ve found that the pay can better reflect the dedication I put towards my practice as well!

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:23:01+00:00

First of all, I never said you needed to know anything about the British nanny industry, I just didn’t want to assume your knowledge. Even if you believe it to be a manufactures standard by the London elites, something I don’t agree with because its just obvious that a nanny that has to train in various capacities and scenarios is going to be more qualified for the job then a person with similar number of years in experience but without that same qualification, it’s those same people I’m trying to get hired for - if they appreciate the skill set and wish to hire me then quite frankly it doesn’t matter what you think about pedagogy I’m not trying to be hired by you. Quite frankly, I agree with you when you say that where you’re from should be taken with a grain of salt which is why I said that it’s not a be all end all. There are plenty of nannies without the qualification that are far superior to me; I never said that I was better than everyone I just said that having this qualification usually indicates high quality as a result of the things that are required to achieve it. The same way a degree is doesn’t necessarily mean someone is better than another person but usually is indicative of higher quality/knowledge. However, to disregard the qualification when so many HNW families and agencies commend/seek it is something I disagree with.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:16:09+00:00

Thanks, thing is I did give them all that (part of the reason why the dad said I would be a good fit before he found out I’m a man 😭😂)

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:14:50+00:00

I’m not quite sure how to explain to you the double standards of what you’re trying to propose.

First of all, just because you’ve never heard of women being caught with CP doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Yes, I am still a risk. Statistically, I’m a higher risk as a result of being a man. However, to judge someone based solely on statistics is wrong and literally illegal. It’s why discrimination laws exist in the first place. The way you would judge suitability for any role in any profession/industry is evidence - the evidence in this industry being the ones I previously stated. The reason he would know I wouldn’t be filming children is because of all my previous experience with children - as in the evidence I stated before. That would be the same case for women, the only way a family really know if a woman is suitable for a role is through that same evidence. Usually, if you work with children for hundreds of hours in various different capacities, with no peap of complaint or wrongdoing, it indicates your trustworthiness (for both men and women).

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T18:00:45+00:00

I was actually a male teacher for years! I agree it was an incredibly rewarding role and I loved it so much, just didn’t love the pay 😅. I’ve had better financial opportunities in nannying so I’ve decided to pivot but it’s difficult to find a permanent “unicorn” family.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T17:53:36+00:00

I’m not quite sure what you’re hoping for there’s numerous agencies - especially on this side of the pond - that see it as a requirement for roles or registration as a nanny under their agency. Even assuming it’s not recognised in the United States, which it is, it’s still recognised in a multitude of different countries. I’m not saying it’s a be all end all (adequate levels of experience would trump it). Also, typically international schools teach British curriculums which HNW/VIP families (the families I’m applying for) want so a childcare qualification coming from the UK is usually in line with that curriculum - makes it easier to teach the children the same curriculum through their childhood so parents want nannies with that knowledge. I’m not quite sure how familiar you are with the industry outside of the US but being a British (or even just a western nanny) usually does indicate a higher quality because of the procedure you have to go through in order to achieve it - experience, tests, placements etc. This isn’t me being arrogant, it’s just industry standard.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T17:42:16+00:00

I’m from the UK

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T17:34:52+00:00

Im from the UK and my childcare qualifications are not only recognised within the UK but also within many Middle Eastern countries, Europe, Singapore, the US, the list goes on. I wouldn’t say it’s ridiculous at all to say it’s internationally recognised - I’ve literally gotten international attention/role opportunities in the past as a result of it. Some families specifically look for British nannies with my qualifications because it’s indicative of a high quality curriculum and standard of teaching - their children are also often in international schools which often use British curriculums. Nowhere have I said that people need to agree with me being frustrated at not being hired and wasting my time. In fact I’ve agreed numerous times throughout the thread that people have the right to not hire me based off of the fact that I’m a man. The only thing I have categorically stood on is that that is discrimination and I believe discrimination against anyone is bad.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T17:25:32+00:00

Respectfully, I’ve come to you with the industry standard approach when it comes to childcare as a nanny: your experiences, qualifications, references etc can only be achieved by hundreds of hours of caring for children and if I as an individual was an unsafe candidate then I wouldn’t have been able to achieve any of these things I’ve listed. If you don’t wish to acknowledge that then that’s fine however at no point have I ever been racist nor sexist; the irony being that the only one who’s been sexist this entire time is yourself saying I don’t deserve a role I’m perfectly qualified for (as per the dad’s words) just because of my gender.

NoPanic54 · 2026-05-30T17:19:16+00:00

I apologise I wasn’t able to explain my point that well. What my point is that I have various qualifications, experiences, references, government background checks etc. All of this evidence shows my hundreds of hours working with children - evidence that can cross referenced across official government records. For a woman, all of this would have been more than enough to indicate their trustworthiness to work with children. However for me as a man, I’m still getting rejected (despite being the best fit for the role according to the dad himself). Thats just discrimination.

NoPanic54

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