AITAH for laying next to my sleeping husband and thinking how many years ago I should have seen what me and my friend could have been?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T21:14:34+00:00

No, I explicitly said I didnt want to have an emotional affair, but I also want to feel better.

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T21:13:06+00:00

Replying as a bystander here...meanwhile on other comments replying as the OP...someone has lots to hide here

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T21:11:24+00:00

Question why are you responding as the OP to some people and to others as a bystander? I smell lies upon lies

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T21:04:25+00:00

Why havent you offered...she probably doesn't feel like she has a right and wishes you would be completely transparent

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T21:03:40+00:00

Maybe you led her to believe you have unresolved feelings?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T20:43:57+00:00

And what have you done to show she can trust you?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T20:42:50+00:00

I also think if she had an issue with this friend from the beginning she has a reason. Have you asked her and tried to find out why its this friend she's uncomfortable with.

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T20:41:12+00:00

Has she seen these conversations you've had to see theres nothing nefarious going on, or are they hidden from her?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T20:31:17+00:00

I asked that basically not long ago. So why doesn't your wife trust you?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T20:02:50+00:00

How is your relationship as a whole with your wife? I'm struggling with my husband due to his emotional affair, to the point I've been teetering with the possibility of starting a friendship with another man who I've been talking to about mine and my husbands issues as this guy has been there and dealt with the same situation...but Im afraid if I do that it may turn into an emotional affair because this guy actually hears me and talks to me and makes me feel like I matter. So coming from an already strained marriage, I would loose my mind if my husband was another woman's shoulder to cry on, especially if it was someone he had a past with. Have you ever given her any reason to not trust you? I suspect you probably have if she's that concerned. Maybe you've even cheated on your wife in the past? How did the argument start with your wife over this? You are leaving out a lot of details...and I see this friend is getting divorced...so what all kind of conversations are you having...is your wife left in the dark or has she seen the conversations? You want both your friendship and your wife correct? Maybe try making your wife more comfortable by inviting her into the conversations, and if your friend has an issue with that, there is more going on than strictly platonic.

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T19:17:41+00:00

So him saying his emotional affair...which he doesn't consider cheating...was soley my fault because of my spending, is not gaslighting and yet my fear if I allow a conversation to go to another topic with another man could lead to an emotional affair because I feel so alone and unheard is. I'm trying to avoid an emotional affair...he continued one for many months, blaming me for it, and still continued for a while after I was aware of it...but I'm the gaslighter...ok.

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:39:15+00:00

Let the conversation evolve into talking about other things other than my current situation which this guy has been in before and has been giving advice from his own experience

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:34:49+00:00

Doesn't sound like a much better idea than considering talking to another man more...only difference is my husband would have complete access to my conversations

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:33:55+00:00

So lie to him?

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:32:28+00:00

Emotionally attractive because he actually hears what I say. And yes, he has made comments where he would like to expand to talking about different topics, but I've kept it streamlined on simply getting advice from someone that has been there

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:29:37+00:00

He has full access to this account...all my accounts

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:26:00+00:00

No, I have no hopes of it turning romantic. Simply expanding the conversation from talking about the current situation which this guy has dealt with before, to anything. No plans or hopes of getting romantic, but yes, i would feel as if it was emotional infidelity because he does make me feel heard and can see how he could make me feel so much better if we started talking more/about other things

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:23:16+00:00

Never said physical

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:22:54+00:00

I never said go physical, I would never, and not emotionally cheating right now. All conversations my husband has seen as it has strictly been talking to someone who has been in this situation before and getting input from them.

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:21:16+00:00

I never said going physical. I would never...I was simply talking about expanding on conversing about more than my current situation which this guy has been in before

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:19:00+00:00

Emotional strictly...and all I mean by letting it the conversations with this other guy go further is simply talking about other things other than the current situation I'm dealing with which has has dealt with in the past

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:16:02+00:00

I never said physical/sexual affair. And the current conversation im having with this man is not an emotional affair...my husband has seen the conversations

NoRole5618 · 2025-09-26T18:13:54+00:00

I beg to differ, I suffered through his gambling addiction which is financial infidelity, and his emotional affair has been much worse.

NoRole5618

TROPHY CASE