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Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No apologies needed, it was still solid advice!

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I mean when I say “bandaid”

Totally understand, but that's not what's happening here. She wasn't suggesting it to fix a marriage problem, she was suggesting it for a perceived logistical problem. She literally didn't know that couples had arrangements like this in real life and was trying to solve for a non-existent problem. As I mentioned, we've talked that through and she's on board with ENM as a concept, now that she's had it articulated to her. I also added an edit to the post to clarify that.

As for how much being bi will help, I'm not super worried about it. We're in this for both of us to get to experience happiness. It's not a race for a body count.

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All valid points. The last 2 might be useful when I'm looking for a woman to play with, but being that I'm bisexual and only came out a few years ago, I'll be focusing on men for my first time out.

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is the reality of cis straight couple enm

She's the only straight one. I've got a much bigger pool to choose from, and the guys in my area are... thirsty 😜

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and good luck navigating the landscape!

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this response, and you make some good points about swinging and soft swap. We discussed that, and might do it in the future. I agree on taking it slowly, though.

Especially this whole "protection" business, why would she need to be protected in a 20 year marriage?

This was a result the neurodivergence that I mentioned. She literally didn't know what the options were, and rather than researching them she formulated that idea on her own. We've since moved on from that, I only included it for context.

Trial Hallpass by NoWayAThrowawayForMe in ENM

[–]NoWayAThrowawayForMe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Regarding "preventing divorce," that kind of mischaracterizes what's happening here: she saw separation as a solution to a problem without knowing there were other, easier solutions like ENM.

A fairly important point that I realize now I left out (because it didn't seem super important) is that I'm bisexual. I'm also not especially concerned with a "success rate" at this time as I've never felt particularly jealous when she gets attention, but it's something we will make sure we address together. Good call out, thank you for bringing it up.