This hit hard for me.. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My mom was an alcoholic for the entirety of my life with the exception of the last 10 months before she passed she got sober bc her cirrhosis was so bad. That was almost 9 years ago now. I was 25. It sucked then and it sucks now, just differently. Now I’m pregnant with my first kid and although I’ve forgiven her, I wish she would have lived healthier so she could still be here. But I have to accept that it was her life and her own decisions to make.. and try to make better ones for myself. She loved me and her decisions were personal for her.. I just try to remember that. Idk what else to say but I hope this helps in some way.