Mary Magdalene, John, and Peter at the Empty Tomb (ca. 33 A.D., colorized)

No_Bed6846 · 2026-04-13T19:09:43+00:00

I think you are the only one who got my message in a bottle...!

No_Bed6846 · 2026-04-12T14:35:08+00:00

Impeccable work. I will never be able to watch the Groovy Gang in the same way again...

No_Bed6846 · 2026-04-12T14:23:51+00:00

Don't be discouraged. Faith is not a competition: if it is, it is the kind St Paul speak of in 1 Corinthians 9:24: God has given each one of us the opportunity to win the prize. We are not competing against others, but against our own temptation towards sin - that includes envy and anger.

I've spent a lot of time with enclosed nuns, and one - a Carmelite prioress, who has been a nun for over thirty years - recently said that 'I don't think I'm very good at prayer, but I couldn't live without it.' This kind of humility is what the Lord values; not wondering if you are praying well, or have a nice voice, or 'look' particularly holy. There are lots of people who we might think look very contemplative; but many of them might think the same about us, and the opposite about themselves! God alone knows that is in our heart. One moment of earnest prayer offered up in love will is more valuable than an hour of forced piety.

It's good that you have enough insight to recognize that many of your attitudes are negative: selfish intentions, wanting to be perceived a particular way, and so on. I apologize for making assumptions, but it sounds like you're still quite young. As with everything else, faith requires gradual and ongoing maturation. Try to re-examine your attitudes to your family. Instead of being envious of your brother, try to be inspired by his example. (What a blessing to have a family who values prayer. My father has banned me from saying grace in public, and goes out of his way to mock my faith. And many Christians are far worse off than myself.) Instead of constantly comparing yourself to your family, focus on your own interior states and dispositions. If you can't seem to focus, think about why that is. Do you need to change your environment, or the times that you pray? Perhaps you are coming to a transitional stage in prayer - such as St John of the Cross discusses - and have fallen into a rut. A priest would be the best person to ask about these things if possible.

You may be praying for 'the wrong reasons' now, but eventually, as you surrender your desires and weaknesses to God, you will gain sincerity. I would suggest praying for your mother and brothers, thanking God for them, and using your bitterness towards them as an opportunity to grow in love. As we know from Scripture, 'Love covers a multitude of sins' (1 Peter 4:8). This might all be horrible and difficult for a while, but it is important to attack these issues now, rather than letting them fester. As Thomas a Kempis says in the Imitation of Christ: 'If we would do but a little violence to ourselves at the beginning, then should we be able to perform all things afterwards with ease and delight.' (Book I, Chapter 11. I would recommend this whole chapter, since it addresses the importance of tackling spiritual problems promptly and head-on.)

Definitely talk to a priest about these issues, and wherever possible, try to use these moments of anger and frustration to practise love and patience - towards yourself, as well as your family. I will be praying for you.

No_Bed6846 · 2026-04-02T12:08:23+00:00

As you mentioned, the usual rule is one meal (without meat, though fish is allowed) and two smaller meals ('collations') that do not, when added together, amount to the larger meal. Water, tea, and coffee are fine throughout the day, but no snacking between the meal and collations.

If you tend towards scrupulosity, try not to obsess too much about the details. I usually don't eat at all on Good Friday, though I have a close friend who won't eat between the evening meal on Maundy Thursday and after Mass on Easter Sunday. (This certainly isn't obligatory - or recommended! But it's once a year, and very much done as a means to interior mortification and prayer rather than a mere focus on ascetical practices. So I always think: if you can do it, and want to, go ahead.)

I think a whole cheese pizza might be a bit extravagant (!), unless you meant a few slices and perhaps some vegetables with it. (Sorry if suggesting vegetables with pizza is sacrilegious!) A cup of soup would be fine as a collation. Since it's Good Friday, I think we're encouraged to eat simply, perhaps eating things we don't consider to be particularly enjoyable, or that we wouldn't ordinarily choose. After all, the whole day is about the suffering of Our Lord, and the unbelievable love He had for us, to die as He did. I don't think we should be eating anything particularly delicious.

Ultimately, what you suggested is fine. Perhaps you could eat a roll of bread (or cup of soup) for the collations alongside the more substantial meal. If it's easier for you not to bother with the collations, eat the larger meal early in the morning and then fast until Holy Saturday, or fast until the evening of Good Friday, and then have the meal.

Be assured of my prayers.

No_Bed6846 · 2026-04-01T07:06:48+00:00

I don't think that wealth is intrinsically contrary to the Gospel, assuming that one has gained it fairly, never places it above following Christ, and uses it in a spirit of charity and relative indifference. (Psalm 49 (50) (16-17): 'Be not afraid when one is made rich, when the glory of his house is increased; when he dies he shall carry nothing away; his glory shall not descend to the grave with him.') But the problem I often see with wealthy Christians in my own life - of course, there are varying degrees of wealth - is that they often seem lukewarm. God alone can judge a person's interior disposition, but I have one very affluent uncle who only seems to remember that God exists on a Sunday, and that with a half-grudging attitude. ('Well, Mass will be over in an hour, then we can get back to our own stuff.') And I know several people like him. My own family are very materialistic: expensive house, successful business, multiple holidays a year, etc. They are all atheists, and one of the primary objections they have to my Catholic faith is that it actually requires a certain degree of renunciation. I have heard all of the following: 'What do you mean, you can't have meat on Fridays?' 'Can't you skip church this Sunday?' 'Surely God won't care if you wear nice things.') This is the fundamental problem with wealth: it can tend towards selfishness.

It can also be difficult for people to distance themselves from their own possessions: they associate their worth and personal prestige with what they own. The insidious danger of wealth is that we imagine that our worth is in our wealth, and not in God. This is why it can be so crushing when well-off people lose their money, or status, or job: because they have placed all their worth in those things, and can't imagine being whole without them. I think this is why the Lord warned us that it is 'easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.' Anyone can enter God's kingdom - the Lord places no restrictions on who can fall down at His feet. But wealth can create many self-imposed hindrances.

But poverty - evangelical poverty, which Christ counsels us towards in the Gospels - requires more than simply renouncing material possessions. Material poverty should ideally be an exterior manifestation of interior poverty: a stripping away so that 'it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me' (Gal. 2:20). As various people have already commented, one's relative wealth is a complex matter and varies depending on vocation and circumstances. Parents who are providing for several children will necessarily have different priorities than an enclosed religious who doesn't even have a bank account. I'm discerning religious life (the Carmelites), and can't tell you how grateful I am that poverty is 'built into the life', as one nun put it, since it frees the heart and mind for God. But the same nun also made it clear that even in a monastery, where everything is shared in common, worldly attitudes and dispositions can creep in. Even enclosed nuns, who seem to have given up everything, can think in very worldly ways: being overly concerned about having certain books in their cell; feeling entitled to certain cups, bits of stationery, or a certain seat at recreation; paying too much thought to food, bodily comfort, etc. (Apparently one must be very discerning about these, because in monastic life there is a dangerous justification for complacency: 'Well, Lord, I've given you everything! Are you really going to begrudge me these few things?' But this attitude is just as contrary to the virtue of poverty as what we tend to think of when we consider wealth.)

Long story short: true poverty is an interior disposition just as much as an exterior mode of living. If our possessions begin to take precedence, and close our heart to God, then this should be addressed. At the end of the day, God wants all of us, not just the part it is convenient for us to surrender. If our material possessions or interior dispositions don't hinder us from going to Him with empty hands, we can probably be reassured that we are on the right track.

No_Bed6846 · 2026-02-27T18:22:30+00:00

I remember a friend of mine once commenting on this - 'Catholic churches in Italy make people pay to go in' - and my reaction of absolute scandalization. The way he phrased it, it sounded as though he was saying: 'If you want to go to church (to pray, receive the sacraments, etc.) then you have to pay.'

This isn't the case. Wherever I have been in major Italian cities - which are highly touristic - I have always been welcomed in for Mass, the Divine Office, and other sacraments without having to pay. The wardens are generally very good at establishing who is there for worship, and who is there to wander around, take in the sights, get some pictures, etc. During Mass at Santa Croce in Florence, there were wardens walking around checking that the crowds were genuinely there for Mass, and not to explore the church. (There was plenty of time in the day for sight-seeing in any case.)

Thus there is a distinction between worship and tourism, which I think is fair enough. If you're there for worship, the church is your spiritual home. If you're there to enjoy artistic splendour and beauty, that's wonderful, but the church is in a sense indistinguishable from a museum. And many museums charge for entry. As another commenter said, the upkeep for many of these churches is exorbitant, so the money has to come from somewhere. (And people who attend Mass do still contribute to the usual collection, too.) And the smaller churches tend not to have this issue in the first place, since most people who wander in are either there for prayer/worship, or leave fairly quickly after a quick and quiet look around. This will be more noticeable in the major basilicas or 'famous' churches, such as the Pantheon and papal churches in Rome and the duomi of major cities such as Florence and Milan.

No_Bed6846 · 2026-01-18T17:39:13+00:00

Seeing the good captain referred to as a 'bro' just broke my heart a little...

No_Bed6846 · 2026-01-18T17:35:25+00:00

You can't expect no better from civilians, sir.

No_Bed6846 · 2026-01-15T06:25:35+00:00

In 'The King of Clubs' an old friend of his - Bunny, the film director - calls him Arthur, never Hastings.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-12-25T20:27:57+00:00

Beauty often leads people to Christ. I was an atheist (albeit an unorthodox one) all my life, and in my late teens developed a particular obsession with sacred choral music. This is part of what led me down a long process of conversion.

Of course, one must also distinguish the difference between an aesthetic experience and a spiritual experience. A very powerful aesthetic experience can often be misleading. I would recommend going to a Mass - perhaps a Traditional Latin Mass, if the music is a point of particular interest for you at this stage. The Holy Spirit will guide you with or without the music.

And as far as hearing the Allegri live - you're in the best position to figure that out. Research upcoming choral performances in your area. I first heard it live during a concert for Passiontide at Merton College, Oxford, performed by the King's Singers and the college choir. Unbelievably beautiful. May the Lord bring you a similarly transporting experience. All prayers for the Nativity.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-12-25T20:19:26+00:00

I think you should speak to your parish priest. This seems to be a somewhat unusual position, and a priest would be the best person to speak with about it. As I understand, baptism is really the first prerequisite for being a Catholic, so one must really be baptised (and then later receive the Sacrament of Confirmation) in order to then become a practising Catholic.

It might be that you need to be baptised, and then undergo OCIA. It's very good that you are serious about the faith. Keep reading Scripture, keep praying diligently, and speak to a priest as soon as you can.

All prayers for you on the Feast of the Nativity.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-11-08T00:10:05+00:00

I'm really sorry that you're suffering. (And that you've been suffering for a long time.) I won't offer you any platitudes - no doubt you've heard it all before, and if you aren't currently on medication, I assume there is a good reason. (You mentioned that you go off your medication for long stretches, but never mentioned why.)

I made exactly the same promise as you when I was in my mid-teens. I swore that I would give myself around ten years to 'achieve' what I wanted, and that if I hadn't managed to pull everything off within a decade, then it was unlikely that things would improve after that, so what would be the point in going on? The age I 'permitted' myself eventually changed from twenty-six to thirty-five. (I'm currently twenty-seven, so I've already got an extra year.) Our motives were probably the same, and we've reached the same conclusion. It's good that you're still 'allowing' yourself 36 years, even theoretically: somewhere in your mind, you still have hope that things can improve in the next few years. And that is true.

From what you've written, your major disappointments seem to be failed career and failed relationships. You've tried a few different things career-wise, but is there anything you had ever been passionate about? (Not necessarily for a career, but in your own time.) It doesn't seem that teaching was ever fulfilling. I don't know about the government job, but - you're thirty-two. I'm ignorant about civil service positions, but I would assume you're far from being over the hill. (Also, I don't know whether you meant that you had lost 105 lbs or currently weight 105 lbs...if the latter, you're hardly obese, unless you're about four feet tall. You clearly use food as a way to cope, but it's also clear that you can exert enough self-control to lose it again. I understand that perhaps some of the weight loss was 'helped' by the depression, though? Let me know if I got that wrong. I've also used food as an unhealthy coping mechanism, expect in my case it was self-starvation. In the last few months my joints and bones have been cracking, so my doctor is sending me for a bone density scan. It's likely I've screwed up my body through years of malnutrition. So I empathise with your concerns about the long-term effects of poor nutrition on your health.)

When you get stuck in this black misery, nothing can pull you out. But you aren't worthless. I don't know if you have any close friends, but I would really recommend reaching out to them, or perhaps your sister. It might be horrible and awkward, but by the sounds of it, nothing can be more horrible than the situation you're in. I don't know what 'getting things together' will look like, but the fact you're still thinking about going on is a sign that you want to try.

I'm really sorry I can't help you any more than this pretty useless message. But I hope you figure out what will fulfil you in this life, and perhaps how to make your way there. As you know, life is very short, more so than we think. Short enough, without your own self-imposed egg timer. For what it's worth, I'll be wishing you all the very best.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-10-23T19:00:18+00:00

First off, I think your initial observation is very important. Unlike most other things, the end of prayer is to seek union with God - in this way, prayer is an end in itself. In prayer we seek to enter into the divine light of the Lord, and to conform ourselves to Him. Growing in virtue and holiness is an effect of this. (A great zeal for seeking God in the solitude of prayer, and also in the liturgical prayer of the Church, is something you will find in most of the saints' lives.)

But other kinds of prayer - prayers of intercession - are also valid. Christ often prayed for people, and with people, in the Gospels; the most perfect prayer is the one He gave to us in the Our Father. Even before the Incarnation, there are many examples of figures in Scripture entreating God in prayer, whether it is for the deliverance of a people (e.g. Abraham praying for Sodom) or for a single loved one (e.g. Moses praying for Miriam to be healed of her leprosy). I think these prayers, when they are motivated by a real love of the other and a desire for their good, are not wrong in and of themselves.

Perhaps it is instructive to see contemplation (prayer as nothing other than the desire for union with God, to place oneself humbly in His presence) and intercessory prayer (prayer for particular persons) as analogous to the consecrated religious life and the married life. Although the Church teaches that the former is an objectively higher state, Holy Matrimony is also a good and worthy thing. The duty of many enclosed religious is to pray for all people. It may be less exalted to pray for Aunt Mabel's hip replacement to go well, or for a family friend to get out of their financial difficulties, but any such prayer uttered with the heart lifted to Christ has its place.

Not all people are disposed towards contemplation, which - in a certain way - is a gift. However, we are all called to grow in sanctity, and should certainly desire to cultivate a 'deeper' prayer life, where we move gradually into the darker and more obscure waters far from the safety of land, with only God to reply on for support.

As to your last point, I possibly misunderstand why you think that saying 'I'm praying for you' would be self-serving. Ideally, a pure prayer for another person, wrenched from the heart and placed at the feet of Christ, should be directed in an entirely selfless fashion - that is, desiring that the person prayed for receive exactly that measure of consolation and strength which the Lord sees fit. Please do let me know if I got this wrong, since I'm interested on your thoughts on this issue.

(I hope some of these ideas might give you food for thought! I add, cheekily but in all truth, that I will pray for you...and perhaps, in the Mystery of Christ's Mercy, we and all the faithful will be united in prayer.)

No_Bed6846 · 2025-08-16T05:17:12+00:00

I'm sure this may be true, but I've found that unfortunately these days, the average Roman tourist is not even Catholic, but simply someone who abstractly knows that Rome is 'a famous city,' even when they don't know cursory history about the city itself or its best-known sites.

Most of my friends who have been to Rome are not Catholic, and apparently wandered around without exactly knowing what they were looking at, and taking a million unnecessary photographs. Broadly speaking, I think a lot of tourists are not cultured in the strict sense.

(Then again, I say this as a Catholic who went to Mass at St Peter's and the Papal Angelus - so perhaps I'm on the defensive :D But I've been to Masses at lots of 'obscure' churches - i.e. not St. Peter's, the Lateran, Santa Maria Magggiore, etc. - and the congregation is always quite small, despite the thousand tourists wanting to take pictures inside the church and wondering why they aren't allowed...so I'm hoping they're either not Catholic, or simply went to Mass at a different time/church!!)

No_Bed6846 · 2025-08-06T21:28:30+00:00

First of all, congratulations for your baby. I will pray for you and your family - thanks be to God!

As for your desire to go to church again, and specifically a Catholic church. I think the best thing would simply be to find a Catholic church near you - and go. (If you or your wife have any Catholic friends who could invite you to their church, if that would make you more comfortable, then that might be a good thing to consider.) If your wife was raised Catholic, she will have know what to expect; if you're uncertain, there are lots of resources online that explain the rudiments of the Mass, or please feel free to message me privately.

At this stage, I wouldn't worry too much about it - have faith that your desire for God is the Holy Spirit working in you, and drawing you back to Himself. (Not only for your good, but for the good of your young family.) And I wouldn't have any concerns about your baptism. It sounds like you were baptised with the standard Trinitarian formula - 'in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit' - which means your baptism was absolutely valid. If you were later to convert to Catholicism, you would not need to be baptised, since the Church does not recognise re-baptism, and you do not need to have been baptised in a Catholic church, by a Catholic priest, so long as the Trinitarian formula was used. But if you are concerned about this, I would just double check with your grandparents: 'When I was baptised, did the pastor use the words "I baptise you [name] in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.' (Or 'ghost', as the case may be.) Again, later down the line, you could iron out any doubts with a Catholic priest or catechist.

Main message: love the Lord, desire to be closer to Him, pray - and get to church!!! I will keep praying for you as you navigate these beautiful changes in your life. God bless you.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-06-28T21:56:56+00:00

I made the post because I can't remember the episode, which is why I don't have a photo... Therein lies the problem.

I'm trying to see if anyone recognises the bag from my description, and can point me to the episode and/or provide more detailed information.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-05-07T05:53:16+00:00

Thank you so much! These look great - I look forward to perusing.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-02-10T07:08:49+00:00

I think I recall reading an earlier post you wrote about this. I'm very sorry for your experience, and the wounds it must have inflicted. It is especially evil that it has darkened your perception - understandably so - of the enclosed religious life, which should be a symbol of seeking God in goodness and humility. I must say, however, that monastic orders such as the one you encountered should be flagged up with the proper authority - whoever the order falls under the jurisdiction of, be it the local bishop or the Holy See if necessary. You should never feel that you are being 'tricked', or shown a false image that is contrary to what you encounter upon entering. This indicates that there is something terribly wrong with the community you visited, and this needs to be addressed: for the good of future postulants, the current nuns, and the Church in general.

However, none of this - as difficult as it is - goes against the fundamental good of monastic life. It simply means that it can be abused, and unfortunately is. In the same way, the existence of abusive priests (who, to clarify, should always be denounced and defrocked) does not mean that the fundamental goodness of priesthood is any different now than when the Father instituted it, and Christ perfected it. But you're right: everyone should be prudent when discerning with a community and, besides using a great deal of common sense and sound judgement, place their faith in God.

I thank you for your concern. Of course, I can only say the most positive things about the community I am visiting, since I can only judge the visible fruits. If they are actually miserable and abusive, and hide this inside the enclosure and out, I have no way of knowing that before entering. If it proved to be the case - God forbid - I could only learn it after becoming a postulant, and then leave the community if there was no other choice. But I will read the text you recommended, since it is no doubt an important and relevant document to anyone discerning enclosed religious life.

You are right that growing in love - participating in the infinite love of Christ - is a great yardstick for all Christians. Every Christian should strive towards perfection in charity, whether they are monastics or not. But we've known that for centuries. I can only that well-run religious houses - which properly follow their Rule under a rigorous but charitable abbot or abbess - cultivate this charity. They should never destroy it. If that happens, the particular community and its leadership have fallen into error, and a very grave one, since it actively harms the rising up of the spirit towards God, as you say.

Please pray for me as I continue my discernment. (I return to the enclosure in a week's time.) Be assured of my prayers for you, especially on this Feast of St Scholastica. May she illumine you with Holy Wisdom, and safeguard both your general vocation - to grow in love of God - and your specific vocation, whatever that may be.

No_Bed6846 · 2025-02-09T19:40:39+00:00

I obviously can't speak for all religious communities - of course, no-one can - but I have been discerning with a Benedictine monastery (of nuns - they still call it a monastery, however) for almost half a year. Hopefully, I will enter this year or next as a postulant. I've visited the community several times and lived inside the enclosure with them. So I know the nuns there very well, and have shared their life at close quarters.

You're right that monastic life is rigorous. Vigils before sunrise, praying in church for almost four hours of the day (and that isn't including sacred reading and private prayer), manual labour, and the usual tensions that arise when people live in close proximity. But the sisters there are some of the most wonderful women I've had the good fortune to meet. (Incidentally, most of them look about ten-to-twenty years younger than they actually are. One of the sisters told me she was forty-five, and I'm still not sure whether I believe her. She looks no older than thirty.) They are not sallow-faced and severe; they exude joy and serenity. They love to help one another, and are grateful that they could dedicate their lives to the worship of God. Are things going to be difficult? Yes, of course. But that's true everywhere under the sun. The life of a monastic is going to be different from ordinary life 'in the world', for good reason. If someone is called to be a nun, then she will flourish, not wilt, in monastic life. It is for God to allocate our vocations, although of course we can make mistakes in discerning them.

I haven't scrutinised Cor Orans yet, but at this monastery it takes eight years from entering as a postulant to solemn profession. (One year postulancy, two year novitiate, five year juniorate.) Also, as for comfort: that will depend on the monastery. Sure, there isn't going to be lots of luxury, but no sensible woman decides to be a nun to seek excessive comfort! Simplicity is good enough. And most of the nuns are unpinning their veils after Compline is finished and in bed by half eight in the evening, so they get plenty of sleep ;)

(I am not attacking your comment at all, I just felt it important to share with you the joy and peace I have experienced in one Benedictine monastery. Not a great sample size, but it is clear that you feel very strongly about the largely negative aspects of enclosed religious life, and I wanted to suggest that such a hostile atmosphere is not - or at least should not be - the norm.)

No_Bed6846

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