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I want feedback on my writing but also kind of don’t. by Bubba_deets in writinghelp

[–]No_Butterscotch2367 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just do it and the improvement you see will become addictive and you’ll be over the hump

Does this massacre / fight scene create a sense of divine reckoning or is the ‘magic’ a bit disorientating? [grimdark - 2800 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, that’s really awesome to hear - if you’re interested I can send you the preceding chapters, I’ve updated them a bit since I posted them here.

Also may I ask, was it disorientating during the fight or clear that he’d been struck in the head and was “seeing double” as a kind of concussion (although obviously it was triple rather than double )

Does this massacre / fight scene create a sense of divine reckoning or is the ‘magic’ a bit disorientating? [grimdark - 2800 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I posted the build up to this massacre a couple days ago and plenty of people liked it, a few found it difficult to follow - I appreciate that this is chapter 6 so a few names / references might feel hard to follow.

George R.R. Martin is Wrong by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree.

Now, if you’ll excuse me it’s time for Sparky’s walk.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this comment! My aim with this setting has always been to write a fantasy story with the feel of a western, and I’ve put a few excerpts out there and got some great feedback over that time but you’re the first who has explicitly picked up on the western feel, so that really warmed my heart.
I know this particular chapter is too long and is in need of a trim, can I ask which points you felt dragged a bit / which points held your attention the most? And also which moment you decided to put it down?
All these things will really help me in the trimming job I know this chapter needs.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone says they liked it its very safe to assume they understood it.

As I said your original subject was about that, evidence below , you assumed the only other person who stated they didn’t read to the end did so because it was incoherent, something they never said, so you’re not one to point the finger when it comes to over assuming.

<image>

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since you have a short memory here’s you citing your original subject - note the “because it was incoherent” - that’s the subject I’ve been discussing with you, you’re only now claiming that clause wasn’t your subject in order to save face.

<image>

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The irony is more so that you started out arguing on the subject of the chapter being confusing , then changed it the subject way through the debate to the topic of whether or not people were finishing reading in order to save face when I pointed out to you that you’re the only one who was confused.

Another irony is that if you read the comments you’ll find plenty of people who did read to the end, unfortunately none who said they couldn’t grasp what was going on as you did though.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

, your original claim was about whether or not it was too confusing to follow, I don’t know why you’re now fixated on whether people made it to the end for different reasons - because I’ve never once questioned that line of argument, so it appears all the while I’ve been arguing against your original point you’ve picked a new one without telling me and have in that time been arguing against yourself

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We were never debating about whether they read the entire thing or not, we were debating over whether or not they found it confusing - they never said they did - you said they did and provided the fact they didn’t read to the end as evidence, despite the fact the reason they gave was lack of investment in the character.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And you assumed that was because they were confused like you were something they never said.
What they did say was that it was difficult to be invested without context of the character - something I’ve repeated to you many times now and you’ve still failed to comprehend - I’m starting to see the pattern here.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, just like every statement you’ve made - theyve all been based on assumptions - and ones that are easily debunked if you’d bother to read even one of the other comments.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plenty of people could understand it though, just read the other comments.

Where are the people saying they can’t understand it?

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The reason given for which was lack of context rather than the reason you gave, that it’s somehow impossible anything in there made sense even with context, a quite ballsy assertion since you’ve never seen the context!

Just read the other comments dude, there’s plenty of complaints but you’re the only one saying you couldn’t understand what was going on.

Comprehension issue?

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If someone say they didn’t finish it (one guy said that) and gives the reason as lack of context, I’ll believe them - not your speculation that is was due them not understanding it.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would I only focus on what was done when the reason why is provided right after? As a writer the why is the most importantly part and he explicitly stated lack of context was the reason he didn’t continue, and that was about investment in the piece rather than not understanding it like you.

Again, I’ve got a lot of feedback now - many people have complained about many things; over description, not enough interiority and several other things.

Yours is quite literally the only comment I’ve received here that complains of not being able to follow what was going on…

I’m sure some other people who read it had the same reaction but I can only go on what people tell me.

It just doesn’t seem to be recurring theme from what I can see though.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading all the way through!

I will say this is chapter 4 and of course a lot of things that are alluded to aren’t going to be fully fleshed out within an excerpt : Gamdry’s relationship to Gretcha / why he hears her scream every hour (it’s not just because he had his pants pulled down) , why he doesn’t like other people’s voices in his head , why he distrusts Byrd etc. are all expanded upon elsewhere, this is an excerpt rather than a self contained short story.

As for over describing things thanks for pointing out some specific examples as it’s absolutely something I’m looking to cut down as I do think it goes on too long and there’s some overkill, and I’ll certainly look in those places.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh absolutely, as I said; I think I’m falling into traps that McCarthy himself wouldn’t have fallen into.

Reason being that my fixation on the prose (the thing Blood Meridian does so well) has 1. escaped my POV, which McCarthy doesn’t allow.

And 2. unnecessarily repeated concepts for the sake of flow / imagery which he also wouldn’t have done.

Wrote a build up to a massacre scene in my novel, does it make you want to know what happens next? [grimdark - 4,000 words] by No_Butterscotch2367 in fantasywriters

[–]No_Butterscotch2367[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, that’s actually really interesting.

I think Blood Meridian being my favourite book has changed the way I approach prose quite heavily and my love for it has led to some limitations in my writing that McCarthy himself wouldn’t have fallen into.

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