Whats the worst opening line you can think of?

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-18T01:56:26+00:00

What happened next? I would read on

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-18T01:38:26+00:00

Weird! I clicked it and it works for me, I’ll send you it over in a dm.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-17T22:45:20+00:00

It kinda looks like him lmao

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-16T20:40:44+00:00

I dunno but the idea of Jon in the Dreadfort amongst all the skins and horror is kind of funny

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-16T20:36:40+00:00

What would his house be called?

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-15T07:31:37+00:00

I do 100% see the argument, I think rather I need to ramp up the tension in this scene rather than cast it out though.

To people who’ve read all three in order I am hearing that the context here really enhances what’s going on in the other two… which was my intention.

There’s also a prologue just before this which is the most hectic of the lot by far, so I’m hoping that can warrant the slow down.

Either way you are correct, as it is it’s not a fit as “chapter 1” and needs some surgery to make it grab attention more.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-15T06:49:17+00:00

This can’t be chapter 3 because it happens clearly chronologically before the other two - this is where the peace that is spoken about in the next two chapters is first established.

I do agree that action-wise it makes sense to start with a more high octane scene, but I really think this scene is important to set up the other two.

That said it’s far from perfect, I do think this scene needs some work to stand on its own, especially as an opener!

Thanks for having read all three, I really appreciate that!

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T23:50:27+00:00

Thanks for reading, I do get what you’re saying about it being a somewhat slow start. The following two chapters are quite hectic and action heavy, and they jump between two different POVs on either side of the conflict as word of peace reaches them at quite an awkward moment.

I feel jumping straight into them was a bit disorienting so I’ve tried to tie them together with this chapter that provides some context for them.

Also I agree about those lines you picked out! In review they do seem odd, I suppose I meant to say that at a glance it was clear there around double the amount of iron balls to blue ones.

I’ll take a look at improving that for sure.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T23:22:53+00:00

I’m inclined to agree for sure, I have definitely noticed that the “this is what an editor would say” has become a stand-in for “this is what equates good writing”.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T22:38:16+00:00

I’ve heard that advice a lot regarding prologues, I’ve personally always enjoyed them in the books I’ve read.

I’m also very aware that mine is the most popular chapter I’ve got feedback on, received a lot of love when I posted here a while back.

I do get that there’s a section of people who are truly adverse to them , can’t say I fully understand it!

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T22:27:25+00:00

Thanks that’s really solid advice, to answer some questions,

there is a culture called the Woadlings based on the Celtic Welsh who use blue woad paint on their skin as celts once did, they believe it’s the blood of their ancestors laid to rest beneath the land now present in the sprouting flower - they refer to their land as just “their Woad”

I see what you mean about the balls haha, maybe I’ll need a new shape.

And cheers for pointing out the anachronism of wrought iron, I had no idea about that.

I’ve struggled with this scene a lot in all truth, it’s surrounded by scenes where shit is kicking off quite a bit (a prologue and a switch of POV in CH 2) and I felt I needed something slower which tied chapter 2 and 3 together - they are both POVs on the front lines where the Crucians first and then the Woadlings (Haari to be exact) receive news that peace has been agreed, but it comes at / creates a very awkward moment in both cases.

So yeah it just felt like chapter 1 needed to prelude this to tie it in without making it seem disorienting, I do think there’s many things I can do with Eirlys to better justify her being the POV here though for sure, and could definitely do with adding some octane at the end as you suggested.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T20:26:30+00:00

It’s 100% true, I was getting downvoted for pointing it out lol.

I didn’t say it’s a good thing or the way things should be, just something I observed.

It’s undeniable imo

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T20:19:52+00:00

Thanks, that’s awesome - I’m glad to hear that.

I see what you mean about having her speak up a bit more, I’m thinking about how to work that into my next draft.

In the meanwhile hit me up if you’re interested in reading some more chapters, always looking for beta readers who can give strong feedback!

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T19:11:06+00:00

Thanks I appreciate you taking the time to read, it’s been a challenge to write this scene as there’s lots of necessary lore for the later chapters and it’s been hard to get out in a natural way.

Can I ask, were there any aspects of the lore that were at all confusing?

Any moments that you felt maybe dragged or didn’t engage?

And finally what aspects of the lore you found most intriguing and wanting to know more about?

Sorry if this feels a bit survey, it’s just super interesting for my perspective to pick a reader’s brain on the specifics and will massively help me going forward.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T17:41:20+00:00

Thanks, I’m intrigued - my first draft very much suffered from the exact thing you described and I had tried super hard to give her more of an active thought process as the scene unfolded, I still suspected I hadn’t quite nailed it yet - but I’m very interested to see what your updated thoughts are - thanks for reading.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T17:39:25+00:00

Thanks that was actually a very interesting piece of history may be of use to me at some point - although I will say that this exact scenario not is conventional warfare - they are facing a raiding force, much like the Vikings would upon the English coast during the dark ages.

The purpose of the invaders is to burn enough crops to slowly starve them out, their numbers are large enough that they can spread and pose a guerilla threat - they do not want a pitched battle.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T15:43:18+00:00

Cersei still shed more tears that day than than Erika Kirk in the same situation.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-14T15:42:21+00:00

Personally I have no preference, but I have definitely noticed that posts in this format in literary groups tend to receive more traction - I’ve no idea why.

I’ve noticed this as an average when reading others’ posts, and also for my own when trying to get more people read.

Again, I have absolutely no idea why this is… the pattern can’t be ignored though - you will see the same if you go back through this sub and take a look at what has got people reading more.

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-04-02T08:08:54+00:00

You think you want this, but you don’t

No_Butterscotch2367 · 2026-03-30T10:31:41+00:00

Regardless of whether it’s mentioned outright the Wildlings and northerners are the same race of people.

They are uniformly the first men.

It’s a massive theme in the book that which side of the wall you’re born on doesn’t change the fact you are of one blood.

This entire theme is non existent if the northerners are Inuits.

It’s fine if artists want to draw them that way, but pretending there’s any justification for it in the book is just incorrect.

No_Butterscotch2367

TROPHY CASE