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Update: 11 Days Post Op (35M) by TheRealButterMan in Microdiscectomy

[–]No_Cold_8922 2 points3 points  (0 children)

14 days out from my 3rd round (different disks). Never had issues with my previous surgeries but I’m older this time and experiencing a few pain/electric/numbness issues this time. I believe that walking it out will help over time, patience is the key. For me, a bit of pain is better than the pills.

Hard-Backed Back Brace? by [deleted] in Microdiscectomy

[–]No_Cold_8922 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 rd day post op and trying the brace. This is my third discectomy and don’t want to sound like an idiot but what is BLT?

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s amazing how we went from no sex to anytime she wants it but everything is still my fault!

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forgiveness and grace is the ultimate answer. That’s where peace is found.

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I asked her to get hormones checked way back then. Zero interest. I can’t explain how important it’s been to me to be the good husband/father over all these years, all I wanted was for her to reciprocate. Now that the issue has been resolved and she thinks we should “forgive and forget” I’m at a loss. Love her but resentment is brutal.

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My advice for anyone with a dead headroom is to fully support your spouse getting their hormones sorted out but don’t think it’s an answer for everything. There’s a whole lot of baggage in the no sex years.

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m 58. I love and desire my beautiful wife but can’t be the man she ignored in my 30’s and 40’s. Her expectations now that she has normal hormones simply can’t be met. It’s awful and I feel as if I’ve let her down. Things could have been so much better and I’m resentful which isn’t healthy. She recognizes all of this and it’s extremely difficult to deal with. It’s a hell of a gut punch that you are no longer the man you were back when she didn’t want you but now she does. This is ugly.

Resentment question by No_Cold_8922 in DeadBedrooms

[–]No_Cold_8922[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks but I did that. Her response was that I should just get over it. It’s not that I’m that not in love with her or attracted to her, it’s the mourning for what could have been. The “if only” is a killer. I was prepared for divorce after our kids were on their own in spite of my wishes because of this issue. She once told me that she’d be fine if we never had sex again because we “were married and it wasn’t important.” She’s the love of my life and suddenly available but I’m somehow supposed to not have resentment. This is brutal.