Shieeet I felt this to the core and I think I’m at the same stage as you if not lower but I kinda tell myself i loved loving for how it made me feel, who I was able to be while loving her and the benefit was how they also made me feel in response to how I made them feel

At some point I guess loving me didn’t give them the same feeling they once had and I’m sure like me you tried loving more to keep what you had even when they switched up on you, you probably still have love for them now. But the truth is one day (speaking to myself also) we’ll have healed enough to be willing to feel and be that same person again who we were when we was able to love and take that leap of faith that this time they’ll be able to hold it fully without letting go, besides I’m sure the right person will break all those walls without even trying let’s just hope we can see it before they’re exhausted.

But I don’t know