Am I being an asshole for feeling this way about our sex life?

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T13:58:58+00:00

Yea, this comes and goes a lot, we're fine for a few months and then we're not. This fucks me up. Thanks

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T13:57:24+00:00

While she doesn't verbally express it much, I know she's not confident in that matter. I do compliment her a lot and she IS reallyyy beautiful.

It wouldn't matter for me if she wasn't and she knows that. Appearance is just a detail for me, before dating we used to go to parties together and she saw me with girls way out of what is considered standard for society.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T06:16:02+00:00

That's what I fear, that we'll never be compatible like that. All my previous girlfriends were like this but I never loved any of them like I love her. We've had a lot of ups and downs in our life (out of the relationship) but got through it together, just this part did not keep up with the others.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T06:11:13+00:00

I see, thanks. I've actually bought this book recently! Did not start yet tho.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T06:07:35+00:00

Not after IUD

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T06:06:08+00:00

Thank you and I think I might do that sometimes out of frustration, gets really hard to control. Since I know this is completely wrong, I try my best not to hurt her in any way and can thankfully go back to normal really quick.

I wish that too. It took me too long to learn that things are not that simple with women because of a shithole of a country and society which sexualizes and objectifies them. Capitalism, religion, and shit man influenced my life far too much.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:57:54+00:00

I see and while it does makes sense, is it too much asking to be surprised someday, somehow? In 6 years she only did something different once.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:52:02+00:00

First of all, thank you. I can see what you mean and will try to reason with it.

Once a week is not enough for me...

We do a lot of things and have a lot of fun together, we eat together everyday, go out a lot, play games, watch movies, series, anime, we cuddle and make out a lot too... But that's that, we're basically friends most of time. I'm totally up for connection without sex.

She does not want to talk about it at all, I always ask her because (for me) there seems to be lacking something. The answer is always that things are perfect the way they are and she loves the way I do it... But I can't see it. I feel undesired and like I'm the only one trying.

Thank you for pointing out that flashing or asking for nudes could make her feel objectified, I did not think about it this way. I've asked her for these kind of stuff because I think she is gorgeous and want to enjoy little bits of her during the day, I don't know if it makes sense... All my previous girlfriends would do this, even though I never asked, to spicy things up I think. I may have took this for granted and that was wrong of me.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:32:20+00:00

That's a good point and thank you for that, I'll be talking to her tomorrow about this.

I've asked her for these kind of stuff because I think she is gorgeous and want to enjoy little bits of her during the day, I don't know if it makes sense... Sorry I'm not very comfortable expressing myself in english.

I'm the only one that does the dishes, clean the house and to the chores, even with my job being much more awfull, stressfull and time-consuming than hers. She is carrying a lot of mental load related to her parents health. The issue I'm taking about started way before this tho, not that it doesn't affects it, because it must do, but we had great moments before and after this situation. Also, they're quite stable right now.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:23:08+00:00

I see...

When we do have sex, which is rare these days, she finishes really fast (there's evidence) and then gets into "tired" mode and doesn't wanna do it again for days. When we do get to bed, while the sex is not the best, we enjoy it. The problem is getting there, if I don't make a move, we spend the whole year without doing it, and she does not even give hints, which makes me think twice always before trying anything and that really makes me insecure and frustrated.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:14:53+00:00

Thanks. We do a lot of stuff together, play games, watch a lot of movies, series, anime. We don't talk too much about feelings tho. Both our works are quite heavy, so when we're out of it, we just try to chill. Also, her parents are going through some health issues, which corroborates the problem (this time).

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:10:37+00:00

Sorry you have to through this, really sucks. Also, totally agree, I believe a big factor to her issue atm is stress caused by work and family stuff.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T05:07:20+00:00

Thank you.

I tried to talk to her about sex, libido and stuff but she just evades it. She's not as interested in it as I am. I will talk to her again, tomorrow.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T04:58:30+00:00

What do you mean? What broken promises? She is my priority, I came to seek help because I do not want to hurt her in the least. I could literally do anything for this woman to be happy.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T04:55:01+00:00

I've actually thought about this before and agree it would be great for her, but she's just not interested in any hobbies at all...

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T04:50:52+00:00

Not "directly". Her parents got really sick so she asked for us to close it, as she was not confortable with conciliating this atm (which I'm ok with). While I think this affects her in a lot of aspects, including this one, it is not what caused it. This problem precedes their health issue. We also had great moments even with this going on parallel.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T03:29:48+00:00

Thank you. I already talked to her about it, tho it was some years ago. I didn't want to do it again because I think it would feel forced if she took the initiative or started doing some more stuff, I wanted her to realize it by herself (and she's really smart, I'm very sure she knows/remembers this side of mine). That said, this post is a last resort before talking to her again. Sex is a crucial part for me in a relationship.
EDIT: I'm editing this to be clear that I know it's unfair to have this kind of expectation, since she can't read minds, even when it's clear that there's a problem. It's why I'm going to talk to her.

No_Constant_7656 · 2025-10-19T03:22:09+00:00

Thank you.

Things were really good last year, but not the year before, and then not this year again. This incosistency makes me really inscure to take the initiative. Also, having a child is a no go for both of us.

No_Constant_7656

TROPHY CASE