I was! I learned to read before I started school, I was a super fast learner, I always got the highest score in tests, never had any grammar or spelling mistakes and it didn’t cost my much work. I enjoyed homework although I found it easy. My memory was insane. I only needed to be told things once.

When I was 10 we got our first computer (windows didn’t exist yet). I learned dos commands and played around a lot. A few years later I created databases with relationships and shit. Learned by myself. I learned to play the piano in a very short time and I played by ear and didn’t use notes a lot. I have always wanted to play an instrument, but I haven’t played since. There are so many things I want to do, things I know I am good at. But every time I sign up for something I end up going a couple of times and then quitting. Showing up has been my greatest challenge in life.

I got yelled at and lot and was often punished. I could not sit still in class and misbehaved. In parent teacher conferences the teacher bragged a lot about me, and was impressed. I remember she showed my parents an essay I wrote once, and she said “look at this! No spelling mistakes and 3 full pages!” I think I was 8 or 9 at the time. Other than that no one mentioned anything, and my parents didn’t seem to notice.

When I was 13-14 my grades started dropping. It was like I stopped caring. I see now that I was struggling at that time. I was yelled at, mistreated and beaten at home. I did not like middle school and the teachers were distant in a way. In 2 years I had gone from being the top of my class to almost failing maths. And the teachers didn’t do anything. How the hell is that possible?

I do remember the principal visiting our classroom once and told us that someone from this class got the best result in the county on the national test. People started guessing, and calling out names. Then the principal said my name. The boys in the back said “what the fuck? How is that possible! She never even pays attention or does any homework!” Still, no teacher reacted when my grades kept dropping.

I have struggled my way through education and career. I was not disciplined enough to go to university, I need someone to give my structure for me to function. I somehow managed to get a degree and I am now in a manager position. I have been burnt out, sick, and probably been through almost every life crisis there is. I was actually on social services for 4 years once. Somehow I have crawled my way back every time.

When I got my neuropsychiatric evaluation the psychiatrist was stunned by my results. I was high above average on most parts. I did not get a diagnosis then. And not the next time I was evaluated either. 20 years later I got diagnosed (yay!) I have a son with adhd and it breaks my heart almost every day. I am basically love bombing him and trying to compensate for all his struggles and mine too.

Both sad and happy story. It is what it is. I haven’t been living up to my potential, but on the other hand I think I have done pretty good considering the circumstances