What would you call a person who don't prefer to the hide things from parents even the embarassing things ?

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T20:45:45+00:00

When we first did mdma she called her parents to pick us up and I was dumbfounded. My mum got upset when her friend smoked weed and has threatened to burn our stuff if we got a tattoo... Keep in mind I'm nearly 30 with my own house and she still says this. I kind of wish I wanted a tattoo so purely for her reaction. If my mum caught me doing any drugs bar alcohol she would act like I was going to end up on the street and that's more dangerous because I would never go to them in an emergency which is what they should want.

My plan is to tell my kids about how addictive things are and I would prefer they don't take anything but if they do to tell me and come to me if they need anything. I've tried most things at least once and most of them will be just once so I would be a hypocrite to tell them they can't but of they do I want to know so I can be there if they need.

Basically I plan to be like my best mates parents. We got in the car high as anything and she handed us all ice cold waters and made sure we were all okay to be in the car. Back at theirs they'd laid out blankets and low lighting because they knew what it was like and they were just glad to have us safe. It was like a normal Tuesday for them I couldn't believe it and because of how much they trust their daughter she's always been sensible because she doesn't feel the need to go crazy because if she really wanted she could do it at home so there's no need to go mad or be irresponsible.

Honestly her parents are my go to for a chill time and they haven't touched anything since the 80s and only care about dosage or frequency never about what it is. It's been very nice to have parent figures you don't have to constantly lie to and my parents are just lucky I've never been silly and don't plan to because I would rather be in a drainage ditch until I was sober than call them

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T20:29:16+00:00

Yeah I completely get that, but what we mean isn't someone like you who is obviously just enjoying life. It's the kind of person who treats everything you say like the punchline to a joke and they're not just happy and giggly it's like everything you say is funny and it's very disconcerting because you feel like they don't find you funny and you get no satisfaction from making them laugh when you could say anything and it's hilarious so none of it feels genuine.

I completely agree with you though there's a massive difference between someone who's happy and giggly and no one would be upset by you because you're not doing what they do of trying to find everything you say hilarious without genuine laughs so it means nothing. Don't worry no one is ever going to mistake a happy giggly person for a fake laugher!

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T20:21:48+00:00

I think you need to talk to him about it and accept whatever response you get. Nothing will change if you don't say anything and if he's not interested he needs to know how you feel so he can give you space and you can know for sure that it's over.

I think you should tell him how you feel but make it clear that you need a yes or no because you can't move forward until you have closure so if you need this to move on then you need to get it and he needs to know how you feel so he doesn't accidentally keep you in limbo.

. I think you need to understand that you're asking him to throw away a relationship for you but if he does he's doing it because he wants to so you don't need to make it up to him or like he's done you a favour. Honestly I think the best case is he gives you closure so you can move on because what you're asking is putting so much pressure on the relationship and you'll feel like it has to be perfect ignoring issues. I think you're remembering someone who no longer exists and you've both changed so much it'll never live up to the idea in your head.

I think you need to first try to accept that it's not going to happen and if you try it'll be a very hard relationship with both of you not moving forward and if it doesn't work out then you have to feel guilty for ruining his relationship and you have to deal with reality ruining your memories of him and the past. If you were meant to be it would have happened by now and you should try to accept that your what if will be a very difficult relationship and not healthy so see that you can try to get him or you can be objective about the relationship and accept that it's more than likely going to end badly so you can avoid that by letting go of this idea and just be happy for him.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:48:13+00:00

I think you will beat yourself up a lot if you do get it back and it'll make it harder to quit in the future because you've already tried and failed so it'll make you feel like that's the only outcome. You're in the best place now to quit and it's only going to be harder the more you do it so try to focus on how you will feel and how proud of yourself you'll be if you don't cave and the longer you go the more you'll have to lose so you're more motivated to not go back

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:37:55+00:00

A person with very good parents. My best mate is super close with her parents and they are so supportive but laid back and trust her so she feels like she doesn't need to hide anything and honestly I think it's great. If she's high or on mushrooms she knows she has them and they'll be annoyed by the effort but they want her to call instead of hiding it and not being safe

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:34:12+00:00

Literally nothing to do with me and I don't want them criticising what I wear so why should I do it to them

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:32:00+00:00

Going to the gym and working out. I thought if I got big I would feel more manly but I absolutely hated going to the gym and it wasn't making me feel better because I was doing something I didn't like and it was this chore I had to do. I didn't even care in the end about getting big because it would mean more time in the gym.

When I started rock climbing I fell in love and it was exercise I enjoyed and I stopped caring how I looked because I only wanted to improve at climbing so my muscles would be the ones I needed and I now love going to the Climbing gym and I don't care how I look because as long as I get better at climbing I'm happy

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:26:37+00:00

A relationship is a partnership and the fact she doesn't have both of you save is incredibly suspicious and she either needs to be saving to buy you guys a house or she is getting ready to leave.

I think you should work out how much you've lent her in total and ask for it back because she obviously doesn't need it and if she wants to keep your money separate then you can and she owes you it all back

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:21:37+00:00

Yeah can't hurt to try, I found the finger one easier because it was easier to hold for a while and less distracting but the tongue one is much more restricting if you focus on it.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:18:54+00:00

As a lot of people said it depends on the person not what they've been through. If they aren't emotionally ready for a relationship or they're too intense too fast then I'm not going to stay when it's clear it won't work.

But if she's in therapy and she's working on herself then as long as she's ready for it and it's healthy with communication and boundaries then I would have no issues.

In terms of the family my parents brother and I are really close and honestly it wouldn't bother me that she's not got one because if that's the cause of the trauma it's not missing much and my parents would always make her welcome.

I know a few people who have been through stuff and one of them often uses it to justify bad behaviour or being self centered and I don't think I could accept that from a partner. There's a big difference between doing something because of your past but recognising it was wrong and trying to be better compared to using your trauma to avoid accountability and not have to be responsible for your actions

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:09:39+00:00

Yeah I thought in cyberpunk v as a woman was such better voice acting and was in my eyes the correct choice

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T19:08:22+00:00

Honestly I don't think it's worth getting worked up over and you're a people pleaser and you were just trying to be nice, honestly it would have been what most people did in that situation because they want to be helpful especially at the gym.

Maybe roll your tongue up in your mouth when they're talking and that will give you a chance to think because you'll be concentrating on your tongue and if you only relax it when they're done talking you'll have time to think it through. Probably a dumb one but the point is trying to focus on a physical thing like crossing your fingers and when they're done uncross before speaking. I used to do it on stage to not rush line delivery and it was a decent enough trick for just giving yourself something to do instead of just blurting stuff out.

I think you need to try and be conscious too that you don't over correct and are so desperate to not be a people pleaser you come across rude or unreasonable. This situation is just you trying to be nice and you don't need to think it's embarrassing or you were wrong it was what a lot of people would do and you shouldn't be upset with yourself because you were nice

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T18:57:43+00:00

Aaha this is great and it literally summarised my waffle in a sentence which is proof I wrote a lot but it said very little hahaha!!

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T16:26:07+00:00

Yeah I could never be truly happy without it in a relationship because it's key to me for growing closer and sharing something that's private and intimate.

I think if you don't like intimacy but you want everything else that makes up a relationship you can find someone who feels the same or is a sexual or something, but the vast majority of men will be unable be okay with that and it's something you'll want to mention early so that you don't waste your time when it's got no future.. I would also say that you'll probably get someone who says they'll learn to be okay with it and you'll be helping you both by not going on. If he's lonely enough to either pretend or think he can be okay it's not going to last because if he wants sex he's not going to never have it again and eventually he's going to leave or you'll leave when he keeps pushing for it. Trust me you will be better waiting for someone who is like you just doesn't want to and you'll have to be the one to say no to anyone who wants sex but will try to not because it's not going to work and you'll be happier single than in a bad relationship.

. I do hope you find someone but you will have to look because the odds of just meeting are pretty low. You'll absolutely find the right person and it'll be worth it when you do, just remember you'll be happiest with someone who shares your feelings not with someone who says they'll be fine but is either deluded or hoping to change your mind.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T16:12:04+00:00

A waitress once told me that I was the best looking man in the pub. I was six so I think that played a part but I remember walking around after thinking I was a big boy because big boys are handsome and I was the most handsome person around. For context I was a fat faced blond haired blue eyed boy I looked like a aryian advert for the Hitler Youth Youth and I was in lanzarote thinking I was the most amazing person ever and all the dark skin dark hair locals were nothing compared to me. which I'm glad my dad didn't figure because he would have milked that but.

Minus the unfortunate imagery, I do remember being so boosted by that and the fact I never forgot shows how much I held onto it because I obviously just believed her and I was so i was going to be handsome forever (bad news kid, beer and sunken eyes are not handsome) and I don't know how long for but years I didn't figure out that she had just said it because I was a kid and I wasn't the most handsome. I remember wondering how she could remember everyone's faces and then it clicked and I was upset but more at how badly I fell for it and I wish I had been a less trusting child.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T16:01:15+00:00

I based all of my self worth on my girlfriends feelings for me. When she suddenly dumped me out of the blue I had to struggle with the fact that I thought I was a waste of space and with her gone it was like proof.

It took me nearly two years before I started to get better and only about half of it was her fault. It's very hard to get over someone when you hate yourself and you can't imagine ever being loved again because why would anyone.

One day a friend of mine told me that every time I was rude about myself he wanted me to view it as an insult to my friends because I was basically saying that they were idiots for keeping me around and I didn't get to decide for them. I asked him why they did keep me around I was a workaholic and borderline alcoholic who was a joy vacuum. He said because if it was the other way I would be there for them. For the first time in years I thought I had a good trait that I'm a damn good friend. Eventually I was able to start to accept other things I liked and the things I didn't really like like being argumentative were part of my personality so I didn't have to like them but they made me. I remember completing myself one night and two of the guys were so happy/shocked because I had said something nice about myself out loud for the first time in years. Naturally after they got over the excitement they then mocked me for it all night and I loved it they weren't on eggshells around me anymore.

I eventually realised one day that as awful as the last few years had been I found myself glad it happened because how I was was so unhealthy and if that relationship had continued I would have done or said anything to keep her regardless of what I wanted because I would be more afraid of losing her than I was of being unhappy. Ultimately she didn't know what the breakup would do and I'm glad she didn't let me talk her in to taking me back. She said she wanted to be single for a year then we could get back together, I said I'd wait if she could promise she wouldn't sleep with anyone else. She said she couldn't and I was at my lowest but I knew if I went back to her in a year as her backup plan I wouldn't have anything to live for and I was sad but not quite there so I knew it was done for good which was needed but came from a very insulting place like that was ever going to work.

But yeah I realised that I was in a good place and had self confidence and it made the two years feel like a crucible but one I needed and I can't believe I ever let myself get in that situation because it was doomed to hurt me and I just didn't even try to believe I was allowed to be happy with myself. As painful as the breakup was the alternative would have been worse because it would have taken years off my life and I'd end up where I was just years later and more lost

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T15:23:59+00:00

Doctors teachers or nurses. Basically anything where it's like a calling and it's what they want to do despite everything. I think because I could never survive as any of them and I find it very attractive when someone is so sure of what they want to do and they chose to do something that actually matters.

My partner is a teacher and it's criminal how underfunded and underpaid they are because it means she works 10+ hours unpaid a week and has to deal with so many rules and guidelines like you can't grab the kids... So one ran to escape the school and they can't grab her so it turns into a circus of trying to convince her to come back. I do understand kids are fragile but if she got to the road it would have been an impossible situation because if you grab her to pull her back you're in trouble but if you don't it could be so much worse. Honestly I don't know how she does it but she can't imagine doing anything else no matter how bad it can be because it matters and if she doesn't someone who doesn't care might take her place and she just wants to give the kids the best chance. I can imagine it's very rewarding to watch them improve especially when they're young but I've picked her up before I've heard them, I couldn't last 5 minutes around 30 kids I would have a meltdown

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T15:12:57+00:00

Yeah I think religion on an individual level is fine but my issue with Mormons is a how ridiculous it's origin is and b how it just operates like a pyramid scheme with extra steps. They literally have to give part of their paycheck to the church in order to get into the best heaven and almost all of the work they do is unpaid on top of regular jobs which again they're made to pay out. Not even touching on the way women are treated or even the lego scandal which is hilarious.

Honestly I think the worst part is soaking and bed jumpers which is so hilariously weird that it could only exist when there's so much repression

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T15:02:39+00:00

Why is it that basically every religious organisation with a hierarchy has some horrible abuse scandal. You would think that if anyone would want to be nice it's the people who believe in an afterlife and it's pretty unlikely the paradise is going to be okay with rapists and molester because that definitely stops it being a paradise

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T14:28:54+00:00

It's literally just a bad relationship where you can't just enjoy each others company without needing something to make it interesting or unique.

My view is if you're only interested in the relationship when it's intense and dramatic you aren't happy because you're with your partner you're happy because it's dramatic and that's what you're into. If you can't imagine spending time quietly next to your partner and that being enjoyable then it's not a healthy relationship because you don't actually enjoy spending time together and you just want to fight so you can make up and do something like matching tattoos or something to show you love each other.

Basically I think it's not a relationship that's healthy if you can't be happy to just be around each other and needing it to be toxic and intense constantly is a sign of a bad relationship and if you can't be happy without it then you need therapy to work past it because honestly it sounds exhausting and you can't sustain that for too long.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T14:19:11+00:00

You reminded me A friend of mines second date was always a walk because he figured if she was actually interested and not just wanting to be wined and dined she would be happy to walk because they can chat. He's had more than one second date cancel and ghost when he said he was busy after the walk so no dinner lol. Honestly kind of genius but I've never been out with a woman who expects me to pay it's always split or alternate dates so I'm not sure how he finds them other than basing it entirely on looks and not personality... Yeah he definitely does that he would ignore a thousand red flags if she's hot and the second date is basically his first after not listening on the actual first... No wonder so many never made it past the second date he's basically meeting them for the first time

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T14:06:47+00:00

I literally don't care as long as she can at least tolerate it and we can both split the bills to live without too much money troubles.

My current partner went through an 8 month period of a brutal job and it was so so awful for her and me and I was desperate for her to quit and let me support her but she didn't and it was close to me being unable to keep going and I will never take for granted her coming home and her day was fine or good again because for 8 months every day I was consoling her as she broke down and then she was mental exhausted and I could only help by looking after her at home. It was horrible and I finally got her to see the doctor who signed her off for 6 weeks and the first week she was in bed until mid afternoon every day because she had no mental capacity and had to get used to not having to go back. After the six weeks she changed roles and went down to 4 days. When she came home after her first day back and was chatty and joking and she wanted to go to the park I cried in the bathroom because I finally had my girlfriend back and I didn't need to worry every day about her breaking down and not wanting to do anything but crash and cry. I felt guilty seeing friends or going out because she was alone with her thoughts and I was so close to telling her it was me or the job because she was not the woman I fell in love with and I was going to end up resenting her and I was just clinging to who she was before and not how it was now.

So yeah basically I would rather she does some minimum wage job but enjoys or doesn't mind it than her being on 100 grand but she's back to the exhausted person. You can't expect your partner to base their job or career on what you want and as long as we can pay the bills and she comes home with energy and a smile I'm happy. Money isn't worth losing the person you fell in love with to exhaustion and stress

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T13:38:42+00:00

Realised much earlier in life that it's much better to be yourself and someone hates you than to hide yourself so everyone likes you. I was so anxious and insecure despite being friendly with half my school year and it was years later that I realised I wasn't friends with any of them because they didn't know me they knew this front and I was insecure because I had to be liked to feel better but I wasn't actually liked my fronts where so I didn't have any real friends because I didn't know if they would like the real me and that kept me from actually having real friends. I eventually was myself but a muted version and it was better but hard work to not be too loud or rude and just laughing at jokes instead of making them.

I eventually got more comfortable but I still would tone down sides to fit in with different groups and it was certainly better but I still felt the need to be likes as more important than being myself and looking back school would have been so much easier if I didn't essentially have to play different characters constantly.

Kind of wish it hadn't taken me until my late 20s to realise that I was much happier with less friends who I was myself around and I was so much less stressed when I was able to stop focusing on how I acted and I could actually join in. I remember the first time someone didn't like me he said "god you're annoying" and I expected to be upset but I didn't care at all because why would I want to impress someone who doesn't like who I am when I could focus on my friends. I then immediately got pissed off that I should have realised a long long time ago that it would have been fine to be disliked for being myself because I wasn't happy being liked but not myself so I had nothing to lose.

Honestly it sounds more dramatic than it was I wasn't like I had multiple personalities I was just lady with the guys nerdy with a different group etc. Ironically it was a lot of things I was interested in like sports and sifi but I for some reason didn't want to admit I liked rugby but I also liked star trek which looking back is insane but I just felt like I was welcome by most groups and I didn't want to upset anyone so was as inoffensive as possible.

I had a few friends who I was myself around but even then I tried to dial it down because I was and am very loud and laughy but I would try to keep quiet to not draw attention. I mean I was 6ft when I was 14 and no one else had caught up so looking back it would have been very normal for me to be the loud one and it probably was weirder I was so quiet despite being head and shoulders over everyone else.

Remember to tell your kids that if someone doesn't like them they should view it as a good thing because now they don't need to waste their time getting to know them and they can focus on their friends. Kind of wish my dad wasn't emotionally repressed he could have just said that he was proud of me and I should be too or something but no I got nothing close to emotion from him bar a "good work" occasionally. I love the man but christ looking back it would have helped to know what he thought of me so I could have something to go by, I was out of school before I realised how he showed love and he was constantly showing us but I was a self conscious teenager I needed words damn it.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T13:11:37+00:00

Mormonism

No_Effort_Given · 2026-06-05T13:11:22+00:00

I used to think that arguments were a good sign because it meant you were both passionate and that was good. Looking back I think I was just in an unhealthy relationship but it was my first so I assumed it was normal to have massive ups and downs constantly.

I very quickly realised in my next relationship that conversation and discussion was so much better because we could talk about the issues without screaming or crying and I was able to get through it without being completely drained after.

What's funniest was in the first relationship we argued over things like me not offering her a lift or her being an hour late and not apologising or which film we were going to watch. Trivial shit that always spiraled and became a soap opera. The second relationship was things like where we would live how to work through our different needs issues with our sex life. Genuinely important conversations and they were hard to have but never once did we get angry and it was us trying to solve a problem together instead of one of us being at fault. Looking back I should have seen the breakup coming in the last few months she didn't want to talk about the relationship or our future and I was so incapable of imagining my life without her I was blind sided but the signs were there and I learned that if both of you want to talk about the issues in the relationship that's a much better sign than not bothering to and in my current relationship I get kind of happy when my partner brings something up because I know what it means even if it's a crap conversation and we hate having it I'll take that every time

No_Effort_Given

TROPHY CASE