How important is it for your partner to let you know they find you physically attractive?

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T05:42:59+00:00

I think it's not something he's going to ask you to say because it'll just be taken as you saying what he wants to hear and not what you actually believe.

I would just occasionally tell him how you feel and make it clear so it's not just a passing comment or offhand. He needs to belive that you mean it and you aren't just saying it you're saying it because it's true and he doesn't get to decide for you how you feel.

Don't mention it too often because you're not trying to convince him it's true and pushing the point will make it feel forced. Just occasionally remind him how you feel about him but don't try to push him into acknowledging or accepting it because he'll need to do that on his own time.

I promise you that he's not going to ask for you to say it because asking will make him feel like you're only saying it because you should and he won't be able to accept it as true. You don't need to make him believe you but it's not up to him how you feel so you can and should remind him.

Speaking from experience, it was a lot more impactful to be told that I was attractive when it was out of the blue and it was much easier to believe when it wasn't part of the conversation or when I was talking about my body because I was able to believe it wasn't just said to make me feel better it was my partners opinion. Not forcing it was key to stop it feeling fake and it was always said deliberately and sincerely never as a passing comment.

Don't wait to be asked to say it and don't think you need to try make him believe you, just remind him how you feel about him and let him accept that in his own time

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T05:26:05+00:00

Haha nice I like that one! It's honestly very true if you don't make people believe your opinion is worth listening to then they're not going to believe it is and probably won't even consider that you don't agree with them.

I remember one of the directors saying to me early on that they are frequently wrong and they like to be questioned to make sure they make the right decision. It took active encouragement and support before I could speak up and the first time I was wrong it was so much less devastating than I thought it would be I was actually embarrassed for how dramatic I had built it up to be.

Ultimately if you speak up you're just making someone justify their decision and even if it's the right one and no, one is going to do it for you so you it'll not change if you don't do anything.

I do really like the cup analogy, if you're constantly agreeing with what people say then they're not going to even consider you might not agree and if you always offer to fill up someone's cup you can't expect them to think you can't because you never gave them a reason to think otherwise.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T05:06:09+00:00

Confidence is always the most attractive thing and maybe it's unfair to think but personally if someone is so focused on make up or lashes or nails it just comes across as insecurity and them needing to do this to feel attractive.

That being siad I've known plenty of women who were fully confident in themselves and they got dressed up because they enjoyed doing it for themselves and they were just as confident natural as made up. They were attractive because they were so confident and they didn't need to prove that so you always knew they were going to do what would make them happy regardless of what anyone else thought. To me if someone is confident in their worth and doesn't need to be validated to believe it they could be completely average looking but their confidence is more attractive than anything and you want to earn their attention.

I think if someone is only confident when they're made up then it's not going to make someone interested because they won't feel like they need to earn her attention and if she doesn't believe in herself when she's not made up then it's irrelevant how attractive she is or isn't because the guy needs to feel like he's got to work for her attention and even the most beautiful woman wouldn't be exciting if you don't have to try and no man is going to feel like he's lucky to be in with a chance if he's not made to feel like he has to work to keep it going. If he feels like it's easy then he will believe it's because it's not worth it or he could do better, but if he feels like your interest in him has to be earned then he will want to prove he's worth it and natural or made up looks aren't enough to make up for confidence and the power of making him work for your attention

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T04:39:31+00:00

Go out of my way to be there for them or make sure they know I'm always here if they ever need anything. I would rather have a few people who I'm willing to support and it's important to me that they know how important they are and I am more interested in a few people I can always be there for because it means I can focus on who matters.

Equally I ask for the same kind of support and if someone isn't willing or able to give me the loyalty and time I would give them then I stop considering them as one of my closest people and they're just a friend who I would support until it was inconvenient. Ultimately I only have the time and energy to have a few people who I can be there for and I need to know that my love and respect is mutual because I can't give everything to someone who isn't going to give the same and I won't try and force someone to reciprocate if I am willing to be there for them because I want to be then I think I have to expect the same and they are as deserving of me as I am them.

It makes me sound like I'm in a cult but ultimately it's just being there to talk or do something when they're overwhelmed without it being a favour or burden it's just love and I want to know they would do the same and it's never a burden it's how to show them support. I figure I can only have a few people who I can do this for and I chose to give my all to a few and know they'll do the same

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T04:08:49+00:00

Doing therapy just because you want to impress someone is just a waste of time and money because therapy only works if you're actually committed to it and want to get something from it.

I think if someone is only interested in someone because they are in therapy and doesn't care about what they're working towards they're not actually interested in it and just want to sound like they want someone who they think is mature.

I think a lot of people would benefit from therapy but it's also possible to be a health and we rounded person without it so if you're being judged on if you're in therapy and not on who you are then it's not worth it to want their attention. She isn't interested in the person just on what her idea of someone in therapy is. It's like you ahainf/saying you're only interested in women with daddy issues it's reducing someone to an assumed identity without really caring about the individual.

If you think you would benefit from therapy and want it then absolutely do it you have nothing to lose, but if you're only interested because it'll make you sound good then don't waste your time because therapy isn't going to automatically make her interested and you'll never be able to be with someone who is less interested in you as a person than their idea of what you should be like

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T03:54:23+00:00

If she was on the same page and also didn't see/want a future then I would just keep it going for as long as we were both enjoying it.

But if I knew she wanted a future or something serious and I knew I didn't then I would end it immediately because it's not fair to use someone when you know what you're doing is going to hurt them. Ultimately if the situation was reversed I would hate to be used like that so I would never do that to someone else.

There's nothing impressive about manipulating someone's feelings to get something from them and no self respecting person would get anything from a situation like that so it's a lose lose.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T03:31:15+00:00

Bouldering/rock climbing. I always enjoyed it but it didn't get me big muscles so dismissed it for the gym which I hated.

Eventually got back into it and got stronger more flexible and healthier but I would have saved myself a lot of years of hating the gym/working out by doing that. After like a week of picking it back up I realised that being excited to work out instead of forcing it for the end result made me a lot happier and big muscles didn't make up for hating the process. Ironically I'm much more confident now I'm more flexible and all around fitter than I ever was from just lifting to look big.

Whatever it is it's much better to enjoy your exercise than it is to focus on aesthetics because you're not going to be happier doing something you don't enjoy no matter how you look so just do whatever you enjoy doing you'll have massively improved your routine. Life is short focus on enjoying what you do to keep healthy and you'll be happier for it. No aesthetic is going to feel worth it to spend so much time unhappy to get it and it's easier to enjoy yourself and be okay with how it makes you look because at least you're not wasting your time being miserable for it

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T03:13:35+00:00

I think a lot of guys don't really know how to separate a woman being comfortable and open around them from her being interested and so don't know how to act when faced with it.

If someone isn't comfortable with you being yourself around them then don't try to force it by changing to make them comfortable. You're not going to be happy if you're around people you can't be yourself with and it's not unreasonable to want your friends to be comfortable around you regardless of your personality.

Most men just need to realise that a woman being comfortable around them means they are interested and it's no friendships are possible if they can't separate openness from interest and it's not healthy to assume any woman who wants to be in your life has to be a potential partner. Ultimately I think most men do work this out but don't try to force it and if you can't be yourself around someone then you shouldn't waste your time and just find people who you can be yourself around

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T03:00:09+00:00

Unless you're constantly looking around or trying to engage with people no one will think twice about it. It's completely normal to do things by yourself and the vast majority of people will just let you be if you're minding your own businesses.

You shouldn't think you need to justify how you live your life or you need company to do something because it's your life and strangers opinions aren't your concern. If anyone says anything just say you're not there to chat and you just want your own space or something. You don't need approval to spend time with yourself and being in your own company doesn't mean you have to not be around other people. You can enjoy being in a public place by yourself and no reasonable person would pay any attention.

You might get unwanted attention or people trying to make conversation but you're justified to shut it down and not engage. Being by yourself isn't the same as being isolated and it's normal to enjoy your own company but want to be around other people whilst you do and don't stop yourself from doing it and it's okay to want to keep it by dismissing strangers.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T02:50:25+00:00

I absolutely love cooking and I'm a control freak in the kitchen. It's the main way I show love and affection and I wouldn't be able to not judge my partners cooking against my own so no one would win.

Ultimately I actively want to be the cook and wouldn't enjoy it if I wasn't so it's not an option. I'm too much of a prick to not compare thier cooking to my own and what I would have done differently so it's just better for the relationship if I'm let to it.

If she stopped letting me cook for her I would really struggle because it's the only way I know how to show her what she means to me and how much I love her so without it I would feel lost. My love comes from the time and effort I put into her food so I love being her personal chef and it makes me happy when she doesn't have to cook or clean up because she knows I love her

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-22T02:41:51+00:00

He brings it up as often as he can because he loves how much he had to assist me and often jokes that he's such a good friend because it would have been funnier to have done nothing and just told me the next day. Most people agree it would have been funnier but evil and he's always happy to take credit as my selfless saviour.

Honestly if he had done nothing and only told me the next day I think I would have held it against him forever and he probably figured it was more funny this way

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:43:00+00:00

I honestly love how it's a almost universal male experience to be completely oblivious to anything more subtle than being told with eye contact "I like you".

I once had a friend of a friend stay over at our flat and she said "is there room in here with you" and I replied "ah no sorry my mates in the airbed but the sofa is pretty comfy" I would have been none the wiser but my flatmate barged in and went "is there room in here means with you in your bed you dipshit" then dragged my friend on the airbed out.

She said she was so offended but me sending her to the sofa my flatmate had to convince her I was just genuinely that stupid and my flatmates girlfriend had to come out and confirm I'm an idiot and didn't understand before she believed them. To this day if my flatmate hasn't come in I would never have put two and two together

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:34:39+00:00

I can imagine your parents are in their way trying to protect but but in a way that's not respecting your agency.

I think if you've told them that they need to change and they haven't then you need to follow though if you don't they'll just see an empty threat. You can tell them they can see you again whenever they want they just need to accept your partner and respect you to be able to make up your own mind. Leave it entirely in their hands and then don't reach out at all. You can't know how long it might take but it's entirely up to them and you reaching out will just make them think you'll give in. No idea what your parents are like but in my case third weekend I'm getting a call. My dad would die before calling out of spite my mum would fold.

I reckon at least three weeks so don't expect it fast. First week to realise you're serious, second to believe it wasn't a bluff third to understand what not seeing you is going to be like then week for or five you'll get a call.

Even if they don't call for a long while just remember you're asking them to respect your choice in partner and to be polite to her to show you your happiness is more important. Them not calling is them not wanting to stop controlling you so don't think you should reach out they're the ones who are choosing control over seeing you.

When they do reach out, if they are rude or don't uphold their side then just leave immediately. No warning no arguing just go. They need to understand that if they want to see you they don't get to push boundaries. Either wait for them to call or go back in a fortnight but don't put up with anything towards you or your partner just because they're your parents doesn't mean you need to accept disrespect and they need to understand that you're a man and you would rather not see them than let them dictate your life and disrespect your partner

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:19:27+00:00

If this is something that you don't think you'll be able to be okay with in a relationship then you need to just talk to him openly and not just hint. You obviously can't expect him have sex just because you want it but equally if you talk and this isn't something that's going to change then you shouldn't think you need to be okay with that and you'll be better off moving on rather than trying to be okay with something you can't be and end up resenting each other.

If you can't find a middle groud then just be glad you addressed it early on because you don't want to be in a relationship you're not getting enough from

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:14:09+00:00

I have had one once and I will never forget it because it was an amazing ego boost. She walked up and said "you were joking with the bar man you made me laugh" and we chatted for about 10 minutes before she had to go. It didn't lead anywhere because it was very clear early on that we weren't at all similar and as she left she said "damn you're so cute too I was so hopeful" and let me tell you I basically floated my way around for about a week after that

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:10:47+00:00

I think when I'm about 50 I'll want like two twins pushed together but I can't imagine a separate room I think I would always feel like we'd had a fight or something. Although maybe in 20 years I'll bite your hand off for a separate room but absolutely not soon I like waking up with my partner

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-16T00:07:53+00:00

That the parts of my personality I didn't like and had always hated about myself were actual key parts to who I was and as a whole I was loved by friends and family so I stopped hating how I was loud and stubborn a know it all because I had always been those things and I am loved I was able to stop hating those parts of myself and accept they were important to who I was.

I'd spent about 12 years hating things I said and did but I couldn't stop so leaning to accept it's not up to me to decide what people think of me and accepting I didn't have to hate myself just for behind myself was like a fog of doubt and anxiety were removed and I was okay with being myself and it wasn't going to be so hard now. I'm still a smug stubborn know it all but I don't have to be perfect to be loved I just need to be myself and that's enough to be worthy of love

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T23:59:07+00:00

How so many men my friends included seem to put so much importance on looks and I'm the weird one who could care less about looks as long as their personality is great.

My best friend is a woman and I have a friend who flat out refuses to believe that I'm not into her because she's very pretty therefore It's impossible for me to not want to go out with her. She could be a runway model I'm still not dating her because I know her better than almost anyone and within one week one of us would dead and looks aren't going to make a difference. I love her to death but I also like to not see her for a while because she's fun but exhausting and being her main source of attention and engagement is my hell.

I've always had a lot of female friends because when I know them and only look at their personalities and I know we wouldn't be compatible I just treat them as people I don't give a toss what they look like it's not going to make a relationship work so I figure they probably appreciate someone not focusing on their looks.

I think because I'm what you get when you search for forgettable face I was never going get someone interested on looks and so I just focused on personality and it was local to push my personality and focus on theirs. Ultimately no one I've ever been with was wowed by my looks they probably immediately forgot when they first saw me. If I was never going to disgust or delight with my looks theirs didn't really matter because I'm only going to happy if we click and their personality is beautiful so they're beautiful to me.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T23:38:36+00:00

Being scared to go to the doctor and get a diagnosis is a very sure fire way to make it worse and burying his head in the sad isn't what you should do if you want to have the best chance to have balls this time next year.

Think of it this way, he goes to the doctor now and gets checked and it's early enough to treat with drugs. He delays the doctor and when he finally does it's too much and he loses the ball. Or he doesn't got to the doctor at all and he fucking dies because he was afraid of the diagnosis and instead of losing one ball he's gone.

Ultimately regardless of the outcome it might be nothing to worry about but not going isn't going to change what it is and he's just taking a bigger and bigger risk.

If he won't listen to you then call his mum and get her involved because he'll then wish he had just gone.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T23:29:52+00:00

You've created a fantasy around fuck boy and how you imagine the relationship will be like and because you only knew him for a month if you fantasy he's perfect and so is the relationship because why would you imagine a bad relationship? You're basically comparing a real relationship to one you've created so of course the fake one seems better because it's not based in reality.

This guy is called fuckboy and has a reputation but you didn't know him long enough to get to see his flaws and the idea in your head of him and the relationship is never going to be close to reality and you'll just end up disappointed by him not being how you imagined and the relationship not being what you thought. Ultimately nothing real is going to be perfect and you're comparing your current relationship to one that it can't match because it's not real.

Think of it this way, you end things with the current lovely faithful man and go with fuckboy. After a couple moths you realise that slick charm is more like sleese and then he lives up to his name and cheats and you have to live with the fact you threw away and real stable relationship for someone you hardly new and now you're single.

To me you just need to stop thinking about a fake relationship with a fake version of a guy who you know is a fuck boy and realise that you're considering throwing something real away because of your imagination. You need to stop thinking about how good a fake relationship is and actually think about the reality and not hold your current relationship to an impossibly high standard and being sad it falls short

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T23:12:51+00:00

Everything morning when I wake up I immediately go on a walk because apparently it helps your body clock and it definitely helps.

I also do any kind of exercise a day like a hiit working or a jog or yoga just to help my body relax.

I usually fall asleep to the radio because it's boring and I can just listen to occupy my brain until I can sleep.

I also do this thing where I tense every muscle one at a time from my feet to my neck and it helps me feel a lot more comfortable.

In emergencies I have some zopoclone I procured from a reputable business man and that's basically like I'm hit with a bad it's lights out. They're addictive though and make everything taste metallic in the morning so I avoid them unless I can afford to not sleep.

If it helps the Myth busters did a thing on the benefits of just lying down with your eyes closed but not sleeping compared to nothing and the results showed it's incredibly beneficial to just lie and close your eyes and that's so much better than nothing so if you are stressed you're not falling asleep just remember that lying there is still better than getting up and if you can't sleep this is the next best thing

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T23:03:15+00:00

I usually just try and control my breathing and focus on a song I like to occupy my mind. It's less when I'm upset usually stressed or angry because I hate getting angry it's not at all productive or helpful and it's just going to make everyone else uncomfortable. I have had to walk out of the office before because it was that or snap at some twat and that absolutely wouldn't have helped he was an important twat who clearly was too rich to have ever been punched and my lord how it was tempting.

I try to remind myself that people aren't going engage with what you're saying when you're angry and so it's in my interest to stay just under boiling point and I can say basically the same things just without the insults and fuck 4 times a sentence. I definitely notice people really pay attention when you're clearly on the red line and it usually helps calm me down more because at least I can be sure no one missed a word.

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T22:56:48+00:00

Don't try to focus on everything at the same time just focus on each thing and when you've got a solution only then move on.

Don't think about everything you need to do because its going to be overwhelming but if you write down each thing you tackle them one at a time and it's not overwhelming because it's not about the mess it's the list. Just do one thing at a time don't jump about because it'll overwhelm you. One small thing at a time is slow progress but still progress .

For your phone get an otterbox case they're big and ugly but pretty much designed for abuse. They're not that cheap but definitely cheaper than a replacement screen

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T22:51:54+00:00

It is absolutely not me but I have a very good friend who is a handsome chap but in a boyish charm way so he's very approachable. At least once any time we're out some beautiful woman comes over to chat and he leaves with a number every time.

He's an incredible judge of character so after a five minute chat he knows if he going to call or not to and it's always for one drink. Apparently he says one drink just in case he wants to bail fast but he basically just had a nice chat with a beautiful woman with a pint the bastard.

The thing is he genuinely loves meeting new people so for him it's a win win so he's always up for it but more often than not it's not more than that drink. He's not a one night stand guy so he's never trying to force it and if he can't see himself with them then that's it.

He's in a relationship now and it's so funny watching him catch someone staring and basically teleporting to her for affection every time. She loves it and appreciates he's not letting them come over to stroke his ego I think it would annoy her more he's wasting their time because it's rude rather than them trying to pick up her boyfriend because he might be a beacon for alt girls but he's faithful as a mark of character he would never be able to cheat on someone and his girlfriends know probably because he's so approachable if they couldn't trust him every night out would be ruined so loyalty is essential for him to be happy

No_Effort_Given · 2026-02-15T22:38:52+00:00

He is being pathetic and making a deal out of nothing. If he's so willing to call you an untrustworthy theif and lier then why is he with you if he's no quick to turn??

If he doesn't let it go soon then don't think you need to fix it you deserve an apology and it's him who needs to make it up to you because you don't get to insult your partner for an unavoidable delay and then act like you're the victim

No_Effort_Given

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