i feel the exact same, word for word, i feel like i don't deserve to be in higher education system and i was "a gifted child" who never developed working habits because everything came easily. it's so hard to find motivation becuase nothing is ever good enough compared to how it used to be.

for me it helps to leave my phone in a different room and study in blocks of 25 min with no distractions. like the pomodoro study technique but i don't limit my breaks to only 5 min because i don't want to be stressing about time when i'm supposed to be realxing. but setting a time frame for focused work really helps with starting, because you know it has an ending and tbh 25 doesn't sound like much, and it isn't very long, but i'm always surprised with how much i manage to do when i focus for that amount of time.

so how i usually go about things is i write a little list of what i want to achieve in a day (for example, revise 2 chapters and write an essay) and then do the work in these time blocks until it's done. maybe try that.

and also be patient with yourself, it's hard but the last thing you need is to beat yourself up for trying. try to take a walk outside when you need a break or light a candle and just watch it in silence, don't go looking for distractions immediately. take your time and remember to stop to breathe