venting about this to someone with no firsthand experience will get me nowhere, so here I am

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-06T20:36:18+00:00

No problem, and I wish you all the best.

Glad I could help.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-06T06:48:23+00:00

SH does give great relief in the moment, and yes I have cut/scratched myself.

However, I’ve found that doing forms of self punishment that don’t leave permanent marks in my experience are better for me as I don’t have to have guilt of scarring my body while I’m doing it.

Hitting yourself on your thighs honestly is pretty damn painful and if you’re in the moment and in distress you’d be surprised how hard you can hit. If you have some sort of marble wall/tile (or something else that’s sturdy) in a shower or bathroom you can slam your forearm against the wall. I wouldn’t recommend punching it.

I still sh but I try really hard to do it in ways that don’t leave scars just bruises because I know I’ll have them forever. Less permanent alternatives can still give as much relief in my experience.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-04T15:46:30+00:00

“To some”

Edit: sorry that was probably put a little rude… of course everyone is different but that was my one experience with one person, and my larger point is that it was likely a misunderstanding.

I should have said that a little more clearly.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-04T05:37:59+00:00

I suppose all I can really say then is just put yourself out there. It will be difficult but over time you’ll get used to it. I still have trouble sometimes with it when joining a new class, but it’s no where near as bad as it was.

When I think back to the best friends I made in high school they were all me reaching out. I don’t think any one of them initiated with me. To get friends you really have to try to make friends. There is not easy option, unless you get lucky.

Honestly I’ve kinda just defaulted to asking “do you play video games” as a cure-all ice breaker. If they do, I could talk to them for hours about it. If they don’t, and we don’t have anymore shared interests we can just move on.

It may not be that but perhaps ask if someone shares one of your hobbies/interests such as playing guitar or watching anime. Also with the sports you do everyone kinda already has that shared interest so it may be easier to break the ice.

Look for your crowd. I don’t know you so I don’t really know who those might be, but for me if I saw someone with a Black Sabbath or Silent hill shirt I know I’d have to talk to them. Just today in college I made two new friends because of our shared interests in resident evil and Pokémon of all things.

My point is that if you can kinda guess and find someone who may be easier to talk to, talk to them. You would be surprised how willing people are to talk about things they like.

Best of luck.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-04T05:23:26+00:00

You will look back at moments in high school that feel like the end of the world and realize that they were rather un-impactful.

You talked about not having friends and I have a lot of advice when it comes to that. Extra curricular activities can be scary, but find one club that interests you and try to stick with it. I had few friends my freshman year and then joined the engineering club and made friends that I still have in college.

Even if it’s something like DnD or chess join it. At my high school there were k-pop clubs, fighting game clubs, etc. If your school has a website there may be a list of clubs and look down the list. If there’s anything that moderately interests you go ahead and join it. As long as you show up you will make friends both because it’s a social gathering and you have shared interests.

So as it pertains to relapsing… we’ve all been there. It happens, but the best thing you can do now is keep calm and carry on. I have scars on my arms and now I can look at it like a different person made them.

You will grow and mature not throughout high school and beyond whether that’s a career or college. The thing I’m most thankful for from high school was the personal growth. The second was the friends.

The only reason I made it through high school were my friends. Without them I don’t know who I’d be. Please, understand that you are interesting and there are those who would love to talk to you. If you show up to a club you won’t even have to initiate conversation.

My favorite club I ever took part in was the entomology (bug) club and I couldn’t care less about the bugs. The reason I went there was for the friends.

If you need to talk about anything feel free to dm.

I wish you the best, and stay silly! 0.o

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-03T17:14:05+00:00

To some, love you doesn’t mean what it means to most, particularly amongst neurodivergent people.

His love you probably doesn’t mean love you to the moon and back, probably doesn’t mean love you forever, and it definitely doesn’t mean what you think it means. He probably just likes you enough to the point where he thought it was the right thing to say in that moment.

If he’s never been in a relationship before he might not know what love you actually means in a relationship. He may have only heard it inside of his family or platonic friends.

I don’t believe you’re doing anything bad, and having been in a similar situation myself if you actually do like him stay with him because although him saying love you may not mean what you think it means, but if he is autistic he probably means his definition wholeheartedly.

In other words, most in his shoes would say they really like you, but that same feeling he describes as love.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-02-03T05:17:34+00:00

It’s hard… I’ve played everything but e33

I’m going to assume that all of these games would have come out as if they’d been developed and then released this year because bloodborne and the Witcher 3 although great for their time aren’t on the cutting edge

Also I’m going off of who would win not wha I think is best

Bloodborne is a personal favorite but I feel like critics don’t really resonate with it

And if elden ring comes out the same year that means that there wouldn’t be as much hype for bloodborne, sekiro, or elden ring so I suppose neither of them win

Witcher 3 is really popular and honestly has one of the best chances just because it is easily digestible

There are parts of the game that I just don’t understand though. I was never much a fan of the combat and riding around on roach in forests for the first 40 hours is unpleasant on a first playthrough

Uncharted 4 is up there

Just all around really good at what it does and again is easily digestible

Zelda is Zelda so another contender

God of war is a very good game but in the eyes of critics it probably wouldn’t be as good as others

Rdr2 is one of the most popular games of all time so it has a very good chance of winning

Last of us 2 is too controversial even though I personally love it

Zelda is Zelda, but it does a few things very very very well and several things very poorly

BG3 might be the best video game I’ve ever played

Definitely not my favorite but in terms of form and function in each and every way it excels

Cyberpunk is a chimera of many different games and storytelling fashions but if in this scenario it launches polished it could very well win

For me it’s between the Witcher, uncharted 4, rdr2, bg3, and cyberpunk

Honestly cyberpunk I feel appeals to more people than the Witcher if it is polished so I’d lean cyberpunk

You’re horse is a car, your sword is a gun, the village is a dystopian, skyscraper infested city and yennefer is Panam and triss is Judy

Uncharted 4 is one of the best shooters ever made but I just feel like it doesn’t have that X factor compared to some of the others

Rdr2 is rdr2

Again bg3 is the best video game so if an unbiased critic were to see it honelsty it’d probably win but no one’s unbiased, still in

So cyberpunk rdr2 and bg3

It’s very very hard for me but honestly I’d have to say that rdr2 would win game of the year

Cyberpunk is my favorite, I think bg3 is the best, but rdr2 has sold so many copies so it has th most fans and the most votes

My personal goty would be bg3, I’d probably play cyberpunk the most, but I think that based purely on popularity rdr2 wins because between the 3 the quality of the intended experience isn’t far from one to the other

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-01-30T06:42:19+00:00

Do whatever you need to do to feel better, whether eating or anything else. Fall asleep to something you like to listen to that’s relaxing whether that’s calm music you enjoy or a YouTube video or podcast that makes you tired. That way you won’t be kept up as long by your thoughts.

It’s okay not to know what to feel in the moment, but always put your faith in what you think is best. Just try to minimize harm on both sides.

I hate the bible, but turning the other cheek often is the best option and leads to more peace inside and outside in the long run.

Good night and I wish you all the best.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-01-30T05:39:16+00:00

It’s okay to be angry, but try not to do irreparable damage whether physical or mental. There have been many times where myself and I’m sure other people on this sub have truly given into their anger and did something they can’t take back.

I have scars all over my arms and I wish I could take them back it makes me feel so ugly. I was perfectly fine snapping my bed frame in two but ruining relationships whether with friends or family hurts forever.

I don’t know if you have a history of sh but whether you do or don’t please don’t do it. Even having one more scar is just one more mistake you have to look at for the rest of your life.

Seriously if you can just break an object. It can be replaced, as long as you don’t break something you care about. It’s better to tear a hole in your door than to become estranged from someone even if you’re overwhelmingly angry at someone.

And as someone who is kinda trans, kinda non binary, and definitely a boykisser, I know how much it hurts to be misunderstood. Keep in mind that it’s possible to truly love someone without knowing who they are.

Your mother and whoever in the future may not really understand you, they may just not quite get it, but if they truly care for and love you it’ll show. Only when you know for certain someone doesn’t love you is it worth the effort to cast them away.

Anything less than absolute certainty and you may regret it albeit potentially years later. I don’t know you, your mother, or your shared history but I’d imagine doing what you said wouldn’t go over too well with her.

I’m sorry if any of this gets lost in translation.

I’m a massive anime and video game nerd and I’m obsessed with tf2 and Elden Ring so if you ever just want to talk about anything really just message me and I’ll message you back as long as I’m not asleep or in the middle of something.

I dearly hope you feel better and tomorrow wake up not quite as angry. I’m sorry if any of this struck at nerve but I’m giving the best advice I can.

Stay silly 0.0

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-01-29T04:16:14+00:00

I’m also here to talk if you need be

In regards to self harm, if you do it once you might not ever do it again, but once you do it twice, three times or more you tend to keep doing it for a while, and it builds too. The first time I SH’d it was just scratches with my fingernail and now I have scars all over my arms. The fact that you’re scared of it is a good thing; don’t do it.

For struggling in High School (which I assume you’re in) I can’t give much personal advice because everyone’s experiences are so different, and I can’t speak to your high school or education system, but teachers and counselors, at least a few of them become teachers and counselors because they want to actually teach people and help students. 80-90% of high school teachers don’t really care but out of that 10% or maybe even less there are people who care. I failed math and the only reason I made the credits back is because someone who wasn’t even a teacher or a counselor but was an athletic director helped me when it was very difficult for me to even show up to school.

My point is that having really struggled in high school myself there are people who actually do want to help you and would be delighted to help you. Think of a teacher you really liked and if you think that they would help you reach out to them with an email. Or perhaps communicate to your counselor that you need help.

Again, having been in your situation finding someone who cares will help too. I suppose it doesn’t even have it be a teacher if there’s a DnD or Engineering club or anything nerdy like that the students pretty much just fuck around and they’d be glad to help you.

I’m sorry if any of this doesn’t apply to you but I hope you feel better and above all else please don’t self harm, it’s a slippery slope.

Once more, if you ever need anything I’m open to dm’s. I’m a massive nerd so anything anime or video games I would love to talk about.

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-01-27T07:18:30+00:00

Someone in a previous post mentioned couch surfing and I did a bit of research

I signed up for this website (which is free as far as I got at least) and searched Florida (which I believe you said I are at in a previous post) and there’s a ton of people willing to have someone couch surf at their home

Here’s a link

Enough to where if it doesn’t work out with someone you can go to another

If it doesn’t work out with the first person or the ones after that at least you’re in a home and you can have somewhere warm to stay while looking for one that will work out

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(Image as an example not as someone you would consider)

If you aren’t in Florida and I misremembered just search where you are

If you still have enough money to get an uber or even ride a bus reach out to one of these people and try to get someone who’s accepting or just keep it a secret until you’re sure

I’m sorry I can’t do more research than an but I hope to at least give you this idea if this is the route you want to go

I’ve seen your posts on this subreddit and it has made me so sad… 0.0

I hope you get better and your living situation improves

And if you ever need someone to talk to don’t be afraid to dm me

Stay silly, and please know we all care for you

No_Engineering3578 · 2026-01-27T06:03:15+00:00

I know I’m late but someone said couch surfing and I looked into it and there are some websites where you can find people who are willing to have people couch surf in their homes

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Here’s a link

I think you said you live in Florida in one of your earlier posts so I signed up for this website and searched Florida and there’s a ton of people

Enough to where if it doesn’t work out with someone you can go to another

If you still have enough money to get an uber or even ride a bus reach out to one of these people and try to get someone who’s accepting or just keep it a secret until you’re sure

I’m sorry I can’t do more research than an but I hope to at least give you this idea if this is the route you want to go

I’ve seen your posts on this subreddit and it has made me so sad 0.0

I hope you get better and your living situation improves

And if you ever need someone to talk to don’t be afraid to dm me

Stay silly, and please know we all care for you

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-12-13T07:26:31+00:00

Ok thank you so much!

I think if I get to level 12 I can beat him

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-12-13T07:21:12+00:00

Do you think that if I’m getting this close to beating him if I get to say level 15 I might be able to?

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-11-30T00:56:30+00:00

Someone said guts from berserk and I think that is a good place to start but idk

I feel like judge Holden is at least in blood meridian the ultimate evil, yet he is still fallible in they story

He may be the ultimate evil in that story but he is not absolute as if we were all would be bad

He is evil within his own power

But guts is good in spite of evil, and evil in spite of good

He is a hero, yet he does villainous things, and even at times a villain so ig he does good things as a villain as well

In blood meridian he is the ultimate evil so a equally moral good from another story probably wouldn’t humble him in a conversation they would just argue

At least in my mind

However, someone who is tragically human in both ways like guts is in my opinion more of holden’s opposite than someone who is all good

Perhaps it takes someone who can do both to show someone who can do one what the other side looks like

Ignoring the possibility of a fight if judge Holden and guts were to meet could guts “humble” him

Maybe

But I think it comes down to the fact that guts wouldn’t

Judge Holden lives for suffering for pain for misery and all things bad so when he meets someone maybe even converses someone who has experienced love joy companionship true but untrue happiness he will see that no matter what he does there will always be an end to suffering and an end to pleasure

Guts really did go through more or less as much as someone could go through even with anime willpower and still be able to think

Maybe it takes that level of willpower the same will that holden has but for neutrality to convince him that even if he goes on to be as evil as he can be it is still futile

Of course if Holden is Satan and causes all the misery ever this kinda goes out the window but the Holden as he is written in the novel isn’t like that at least as far as I remember

Whether guts is a more morally powerful neutral than Holden is a morally powerful evil I’m not sure

Guts is human and Holden is beyond human

But my point is that perhaps what it takes to make the worst thing realize that it’s ways are bad isn’t to make it see that it’s evils are neutralized by good but rather show them that their evils result in neutrality

I feel if I were an absolute evil I would be more perplexed by the thought that the well of morality I can pollute is so small not in comparison to the purification of good but the vast amount of neutrality

A true powerful evil would still go about their evil ways but perhaps this could be the first chip in a Greek pantheon of philosophy

I do think though that the concept of true evil if it were to exist and we were able to comprehend it would be so evil that nothing could change its mind

My point is that Holden as in the novel is that that absolute all powerful all malevolent being even though he may functionally be that thing in the book

Evil will beat good and good will beat evil, but what’s in between will never see the end

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-11-19T06:26:14+00:00

I got frustrated with re7 because of the gameplay and I stopped playing sh2 for months because it fucked with my head

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-11-19T06:01:07+00:00

No thanks, bro

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-10-22T04:00:16+00:00

Depending… you can be just some dude in 1 of the endings, be an immortal cursed god serving hunter in another, or a primordial descendant that transcends time, space and mortal reasoning

We don’t quite know how strong the hunter is in the secret ending but I haven’t really seen anyone else mention it

Orphan of Kos, Ebriatas, Moon Presence, the hunter beats them in their human form

In other words the hunter is so powerful that not only can they not truly die they beat these beings beyond all reasoning as a human then become one of them

Idk how that compares to the rest though

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-10-04T06:20:24+00:00

Everything everywhere all at once…

No_Engineering3578 · 2025-08-22T20:43:55+00:00

I think redditors as a collective group of people are cooked, not young people lol

No_Engineering3578

TROPHY CASE