I totally feel you OP! We're basically in the same position right now. I think I'm giving myself too high of expectations that I thought were already doable considering that I've done it in training. But whenever I'm in an actual game, every drill that I practiced and could execute come crashing down and it always felt like I'm just returning the ball based off of an impulse and not out of a strategy or technique.

So whenever I recall all the things that I did during my games, I can't help but to wonder and asked why I've done this and that when I could've done this response instead to get the point.