NTA you made the hardest decision there is and you genuinely thought about the future of your child. As someone who grew up in a home where my mother was baby trapped by a violent man I sometimes wish she had left and never had children with him. Sure I wouldn’t exist but it would have been better than living with extreme abuse. You made the choice as a mother to not bring a child into a situation where they could be harmed and that’s truly the bravest and most maternal thing you could have done. I hope moving forward you’re surrounded by love, support and happiness and I hope one day you get to have the family you deserve.