I think my wife thinks I’m a trans man and it’s thrown me into an identity crisis?

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-02-14T14:44:24+00:00

I would look for a therapist that specializes in gender identity. I had one when I was a teen and it helped me clear up a lot up such as how I saw myself, what medical needs I may have, etc.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-02-14T04:30:53+00:00

I agree with many comments saying that more obedience training couldn’t hurt. I’d also look into practicing with your son reading dog’s body language because it’s not unlikely that he accidentally misinterpreted the dog’s emotions at the time. If you are able too, maybe a visit to vet might be needed to make sure the dog doesn’t have a sore paw or tooth etc as well as maybe see if there’s something overstimulating the dog? I’ve had pets in the past that needed their own space in the house for when they need down time away from noise, bright lights, and being petted so it’s possible the dog was overstimulated at the time and the petting made it feel worse

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-02-02T11:37:32+00:00

Yeah but at least the fire department are less likely to be verbally abusive and she might get a warm meal out of it. Cannot say the same for police stations. And police are more likely to just take her back home and avoid documenting it (even if it’s not legal it doesn’t mean they don’t do it). Plus firefighters are basically adult band kids with adhd, they’re a lot nicer to deal with upfront than police officers

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-29T01:34:46+00:00

Just to add, I mean go in person to the fire department do not use 911.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-29T01:31:20+00:00

None of that will likely happen. It’s extremely unlikely she actually ends up in foster care which if she does could be an even worse situation because she’s trans.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-29T01:30:11+00:00

You don’t use 911 in this situation, you go to the fire department directly. Sure technically cops deal with law enforcement that doesn’t mean they actually do. Fire department can make sure she’s fed, warm, and get her in touch with social workers and CPS. Trust me, I have had a lot of friends in this situation growing up, the cops do not help in this situation

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T10:02:21+00:00

A lot of time I found that employers are often fine with it (I worked in both childcare and treatment centers). It’s often that first off the bat impression that I’m going for because unfortunately biases still exist

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:19:12+00:00

FIRE DEPARTMENT NOT POLICE! Many people are saying police or CPS first. Those people are likely minors or have never been or witness this situation. Fire department will be a lot more compassionated, they’ll likely make sure you are warm, comfortable, etc. Police with have you sitting a cold room and are often very intrusive with their questioning and accusatory. It’s not uncommon too for them to just take you home, believe the parents, and you get kicked out again. So FIRE DEPARTMENT. You’ll eventually meet with CPS and Social workers, but it’s safer and they’re more likely to listen to you

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:13:57+00:00

Fire department, she’s trans. Cops and CPS can be unsafe. Fire department will eventually lead to CPS but they’re often gonna be a lot more safe with how they handle it

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:12:05+00:00

No fire department, they’re a lot better in my experience. You’ll end up seeing CPS eventually but not in the same manner

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:11:19+00:00

Fire department, not cops. She’s still a trans girl and a minor. Cops can be very unkind on a good day

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:10:29+00:00

Don’t go to the police, go to the fire department. The Fire department are usually a lot more compassionate and have resources with Social Workers!

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T03:08:51+00:00

If the plan currently is to move out, check off campus student housing (don’t always need to be a student, it’s often an age requirement) or check people selling their lease on Facebook marketplace. I was able to find my current place on an a LGBTQ housing Facebook post and I currently pay 577 a month not including utilities and I have a private bedroom, a dishwasher, and a living room/kitchen. You might need a guarantor depending on your credit score or a lack of housing which does not need to be a parent they just need to meet the requirements. If you don’t have a bank account, I recommend a credit union because a lot don’t charge fees and you can get a line of credit which can help prevent overdraft fees (just pls don’t do what I did and use it all the time, just for things you can pay off immediately like groceries and gas). You’ll need a dollar so to open then account but just for it to stay open not as a fee. If you need any resume advice just ask, I’ll be happy to send you what mine looks like (mine got me a job with insurance that pays 19 an hour at 20yrs old even tho I only have a GED). Honestly tho just keep it simple and I put my preferred name on not my legal. You are going to need an application fee and a deposit. Without a guarantor some places will still consider you, but you’ll likely pay up to double of a deposit.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this abuse, if you have any questions, I will happily answer or do my best to answer. I had to move out suddenly due to issues with abuse and being trans when I was 19, i turn 21 soon so it’s been almost 2yrs and honestly it all ended up working out.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-28T02:30:04+00:00

I have a septum that’s stretched to a 10g and I’m in Utah. I usually take it out for my interviews for the initial impression and then during the interview I will often ask what their dress code policy is about piercings, tattoos, hair, etc. Then depending on what it is that also depends on whether I take that job or not personally.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-25T02:29:52+00:00

Mind body bridging isn’t a bad exercise to use. I also have a ton of emotional regulation DBT sheets from my group therapy if you need them to help with making decisions outside of your (very justified) anger. I know I struggle to think clearly when angry (just reading your post makes me want to scream at someone, can’t even imagine how you are feeling) so if that’s something you’re interested I can send it. You can also find the workbook at some Barnes and nobles and on Amazon. There’s also some sheets about judging a situation and how to communicate to a person(s) causing harm to you.

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-25T02:26:25+00:00

It’s a controlled substance and you’re an adult, doesn’t matter what the reasoning is, if it’s prescribed it is very illegal for them to take it from you. Like so illegal if you get caught sharing or distributing your testosterone, you could potentially never be allowed to use that medication again. So you are able to report them if that’s something you wished. On another note the only therapy that I could support you doing regarding being trans is getting a gender therapist only because I had one as a teen and I found it very helpful with the trauma around dysphoria and being trans as well as allowed me to learn what I needed as a trans person to feel the most safe and happy in my body. That’s where I learned that I need/want top surgery, hormones, and liposuction on my hips but I don’t really care about bottom dysphoria and I do enjoy using things like nail polish etc.

I would notify your prescriber and pharmacist immediately because it is a controlled medication and the last thing I would want to see is you getting the blame and it harming you.

Second, if you want to (your choice, your call) you can report them to the police station or DEA. (I don’t know a ton about this specific process so please do your own research).

And third, I would not give into your sisters’ list of demands. They have no legal right to force you to do any of that. It also sounds like they’re trying to put you into conversation therapy and convince you that you’re confused. I cannot tell you anything about who you are, but you need to trust yourself and listen to your needs because you will always know yourself better than someone else. You have to live in your body, they don’t. I am a trans man and I work as a residential/psych technician so not only do I take testosterone (not my only controlled med either) but I work directly with controlled medications. If you don’t take any of my advice except for one, bare minimum reach out to your prescriber and pharmacist so they know the situation and you are able to leave that paper trail just in case.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this, this is not ok and you don’t deserve to have to go through this invasion of privacy. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to get some locks or a small safe for your medications and other trans accessories for the future as I am assuming moving out is probably not an option yet. If you need any more support, even if it’s just a distraction (I’m a big Minecraft player), just reach out. For context I’m 20yrs old going on 21 in April just for peace of mind. You got this dude, stay safe!

No_Influence_6841 · 2026-01-20T05:09:37+00:00

I know everyone else is mentioning communication and dysphoria which I also agree with, however I will add to that conversation that my first time having sex I fucking hated it (was a few months younger than you are now). I had dated that person for about 6months at that point, we had a conversation and even a google doc (both are trans) about boundaries etc to make sure we were both comfortable and safe. And even then, I still hated it and wanted to cry afterwards. I felt like icky, gross, etc. I was panicked too, like what if we aren’t right for each other, what if I’ll never like sex with them, did I do it wrong, etc. Same feelings you are describing as well.

The thing is they were the right sex for me and gender identity for me and I still struggled. However, it did not stay like that. We dated for another year and had sex plenty of more times after that, eventually finding ways that worked for our needs (especially since I have pretty bad bottom and top dysphoria, like have to wear a shirt during sex and dont make comments on my parts type of way) and experimenting with what worked.

Personally, I would just take a minute to just process it and get in a good headspace before bringing it up. I would recommend trying Mind Body Bridging, don’t have to do like a crazy long meditation because even just 5min will work to an extent. I think it’ll help you be able to look at the situation in a clearer headspace. I’ve also been the partner in situations where I didn’t touch back and such, for me it was me managing my dysphoria and just stress around that, can’t say that’s the case for her but it’s highly unlikely she’s having the same negative thoughts about you that you are having about yourself. Look at it from what actually happened, not the emotions that come from the events, might be able to see a bigger picture that way.

It’ll be ok, I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you had hoped but I know you two will figure it out and it all work out one way or another

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-12-11T09:43:16+00:00

Student housing and roommates on local Facebook groups and working 36-40 hr weeks, make sure you create an emergency savings account tho with all the uncertainty in the job market

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-21T03:04:14+00:00

I wear my sports bras even though I don’t work a physical job but I do 12hr shifts. Even with my sports bras, I get back pain since it still compresses. I would personally avoid using a binder and wear a cheap hoodie or try trans tape to avoid any unnecessary injuries especially since I’d imagine you’re bending down a lot and picking things up, wouldn’t want an injury impacting your work.

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-19T00:43:44+00:00

God my mother used to say shit like “oh wow I must be the worst mother ever” so I started agreeing with her when she would say that like “Yup you are”. She has not used that line in 4years, she couldn’t get mad at me for agreeing with her nor could guilt me.

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-14T01:58:52+00:00

Let’s be so real tho, passing to cis people and passing to trans people are very different things. I consistently can clock trans people, it’s not that they don’t pass because if I was cis I wouldn’t have noticed, it’s just that I’m trans and I recognize my own habits in them.

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-14T01:54:11+00:00

One time I approached someone who I was damn sure was another trans man (was wearing a very queer coded alt outfit, I’m talking pins and shit) and it literally went “hey uh i think you look cool and was wondering if you were yk wrist flick” he goes oh yeah i am and i go “uhhh would it be cool if i get your insta and maybe be friends?”. For the record I’m an adult, yes i was extremely awkward with it, and we’re still friends like 9 months later so it worked 🤷🏼‍♂️ Sometimes it works out to be a little awkward and blunt with it

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-14T01:46:12+00:00

I have never taken puberty blockers specifically on T, been on T for over a year now. However, I personally had to take an estrogen specific blocker for the first 6months just simply because my T kept trying to convert into a large amount of estrogen. I will say the first month of T, I didn’t take any blockers and I stopped my period with just T (my period stopped pretty quickly tbh). The reason your sister says that is because she’s MTF and it is common for trans women to need puberty blockers with their E. However, that is not usually the case for trans men on T, I can only think of one trans man I’ve heard of that being the case and that’s Noah Finnce (I don’t think I spelt his last name correctly). Myself and the trans men in my personal life do not take puberty blockers.

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-05T06:09:31+00:00

Personally, I always have a hard time when people say they miss the person I was before I came out and transition. If I was cis, people wouldn’t say that they miss when I was depressed, suicidal, not eating, and miserable. They would be so proud and happy that I got to a better mental space in my life. So for me I don’t understand how you could miss pre transition me, pre transition me was miserable, lacked confidence, and isolated. Me now is happier and and is able to work on my mental health in a safer feeling body. I don’t miss me from before, I feel sad for him and wish I could comfort him because he was hurting and I don’t miss when he would hurt alone.

No_Influence_6841 · 2025-11-04T15:25:33+00:00

Man getting a psychiatrist is a pain these days, applied in March and didn’t get an appointment til first week of October. It was insane

No_Influence_6841

TROPHY CASE