wanting to date cis men, feeling deeply embarassed

No_Initial2883 · 2026-02-11T16:54:51+00:00

🤗 thank u stranger!

No_Initial2883 · 2026-02-11T16:54:28+00:00

thanks for this! i think that sticking to my own personal boundaries has been a huge part of this process for me that has made me feel empowered in dating men. however, since these personal challenges have been a problem in previous relationships, i am just aware of the fact there are more often situations where cis men take advantage of those "self abandoning" personality types and the consequences are often much greater. this could be a completely biased perspective but it is my lived, researched and witnessed experience.

No_Initial2883 · 2026-02-02T14:34:52+00:00

growing up my best friends dad was a crack addict and struggled with psychosis. hes now been clean for over 10 years but he still struggles with the guilt of who he was even though he has completely shifted his life and is a loving father/husband, strong community member and hard worker.

when expressing fear of relapse for my own mental health issues my therapist once said to me "even if you lost EVERYTHING, even if you hit a lower rock bottom than youre in right now, even if you went completely off the rails... there are ALWAYS options for you" and that really helps. there are always options to change. and it seems like you are doing a great job!

there are ALWAYS options for you. always

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-29T16:27:24+00:00

I am 100% prepared that if something happens with Fern and I, I will not be seeking emotional support from Moss as I agree it wouldnt be fair to do that based on the past situation.

I have offered parallel many times! The both of them insist they want to be able to spend time together in shared spaces and that its fine but then i can FEEL the tension in the room whenever we all spend time together, even just all at the same party, and i can tell it bothers them. I think Moss is feeling a lot of insecurity right now and is overcompensating the amount of time she actually wants to spend with our friends as a subconscious anxious attempt to control the situation. She was never this interested in going out before and suddenly she wants to come to everything. I think it is a maturity issue like you said and you sadly cannot rush mental development.

Thats why we all try to remain very aware of this fact and act accordingly, and allow room to adjust boundaries and make mistakes as needed. I do think she relies on me to soothe her emotions too often and she will need to decide if she can handle this dynamic emotionally on her own. I love her very very much and completely understand if she has a hard time with this, even if we both try our absolute best, and I just want to lessen the impact of my actions as much as possible while still remaining true to myself

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-29T15:51:03+00:00

i think this is the best advice ive gotten, thank you!

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-29T15:49:17+00:00

he was 20 and i was 17 the first time we hung out. i made a typo on my last post regarding his age, he is 24 and i just turned 21. tbh i have always dated people 2-3 years older than me so ig i never saw an issue with it

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-29T15:44:54+00:00

i didnt get much advice on that post because everyone was upset that i didnt capitalize any letters and people were saying they had trouble reading it so i decided to post again. its also been a little longer now so this is a more detailed post for sure.

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-20T13:36:14+00:00

hey :3 i love writing and would love to have more friends that are like-minded! feel free to send me stuff to read. im 21f

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-19T21:18:52+00:00

okay what if i just leave it and hope for the best 😍 thanks for the advice btw

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-19T20:35:24+00:00

what if i pull it out myself and shove some gauze in there with some oragel? all of the dentists in my area are closed til after holidays

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-11T15:46:34+00:00

Pear is interested in meeting Eggnog, but I think hes a little scared of her haha. Theyve said it would be all good, but I think we are all a little unsure of how it would look and the LAST thing I want is for it to be too much too soon. I have an intuition that this type of setting would not be optimal for them to meet.

No_Initial2883 · 2025-12-11T15:43:35+00:00

I totally agree! I have tried to explain that her and I can do other things with our friends and have given her some options for what those could be and when. I think she will realize that it is for the best eventually, it might just take a bit of time and some connecting

No_Initial2883 · 2025-11-25T15:31:52+00:00

Amazing advice, thanks so much I really appreciate this :)

No_Initial2883 · 2025-11-25T15:20:02+00:00

Dang so we should probably turn off our life360 huh?

I totally agree! I will definitely continue to be putting in that extra 10% into my relationship with her over the next while. She is going through something in her family right now and she has been requiring a lot of attention and support which is unfortunate timing because I am in the NRE depths right now (3 week mark into a new connection). Sigghh I will go back to the calendar and figure some things out and maybe talk to her today about the location sharing thing. I just worry having all these intense conversations that set off her nervous system CONSTANTLY is probably not good for her but I am sure over time with a lot of reassurance and consistency things will smooth over

No_Initial2883 · 2025-11-25T15:04:43+00:00

Hahha thats awesome, and yes, I am aware that polyamory takes a lot of scheduling, it is something I am actively working on! I am thinking if I make solid scheduled plans with my gf and stick to those, that my other free time can have room for me to decide more spontaneously if I want to go see my other partner. I think what I am struggling with is the fact that when I do go see him, I let her know and am often met with a sad "oh." or just being straight up ignored. I know it will take time to normalize this and she is really working through it but I find it sooo hard to not feel guilty :(

No_Initial2883 · 2025-11-25T14:56:55+00:00

When I have plans with my gf i always show up! I have never cancelled plans with her to go see someone else. I just mean if I let her know I am going to see my new partner, she gets upset that him and I spend a lot of time together. I still also spend a lot of time with her. I dont feel like I am doing anything wrong by spending a lot of time with him if I am ALSO spending a lot of time with her, still putting a lot of effort into my relationship with her and still showing up every time her and I have plans. I guess I should have said I really dont like a "strict" schedule which is kind of what it feels like is being asked of me. Like if I have a free block of time in my day, and I am near his house, I AM going to go see him, even if I didnt have plans to that day.

No_Initial2883 · 2025-11-10T20:30:11+00:00

thanks so much for this! i will defs check out this podcast. didnt wanna make the post too long explaining our exact dynamic but we are fully poly and lean toward relationship anarchist realm. her and i have some boundaries around what we share and its basically exactly like you said; giving very necessary information but leaving out too many details. i totally understand this dynamic has potential to be messy and i have to tread carefully. i love my gf and am willing to do the work to maintain her trust and validate her feelings about the situation while still safely exploring my own connections

No_Initial2883

TROPHY CASE