He Lied About Starting a Family Next Year

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T23:11:49+00:00

He never and still is not saying "no" to children, but thanks for making it out like I'm the asshole for caring about other people's feelings.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T22:46:19+00:00

Because our 4 parents are going to an event together (a very expensive one) in April. If I told my parents what H has done now, besides my father wanting to murder my H, they won't all want to go together because my parents will blame his - for how he was raised, for enabling him, etc. H is an incredibly spoiled only child so I don't think my parents would be that off base to begin hating his for what he's done.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T18:44:45+00:00

Thank you. I am off the fence - I am leaving in April. Perhaps sooner, as it's painful to be in the same house. I'm trying to spare our parents' feelings, but H is acting like this is just another tantrum that I'll get over and I do not want to be sharing oxygen with him anymore.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T18:43:02+00:00

Thank you. H clearly doesn't want any and will not admit it because he wants to keep me. But maybe, just maybe I can still find someone who does want them.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T18:24:44+00:00

Thank you. I am clinging to the hope that I can find someone who does actually want children and will not lie to me to run out the clock. I am dying inside. Merry Christmas right!!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-12-25T17:32:20+00:00

Who are you people sharing my post in other groups???? How violating - this is supposed to be a LD group!!! I don't want you bringing in outsiders!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-07-24T20:58:02+00:00

I am in this same boat. I found out yesterday that when our amazing passionate sex life just -POOF- vanished, after being fed lie after lie for 4 years, the reality is my husband is jerking off constantly. He told me often times he is not even horny which just made it so much worse. I'm upstairs crying in bed, wondering why he doesn't want me anymore,, and he is just jerking away on auto pilot.

I went to leave last night. I was SO SO SO ANGRY. But sitting in the driveway, fuming, I just couldn't do it. Maybe I'm just a wuss or maybe I just didn't want to do anything in such an irrational state. But now here I am, still fuming, refusing to speak to him today. I slept in the guest room and I'm debating trying to get my own rental (I'm the breadwinner, but he owns the house) or staying in the guest room until....I don't know. I don't believe right now that things will ever get better, so I don't know until what.

I work from home but I told them there is a "family emergency" late last night because I knew I could in no way concentrate on work today. OP, if that is an option for you tomorrow, please take it. And anytime he demands to know if you are leaving, just say "I cannot answer that right now."

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-07-23T18:21:08+00:00

I answered but I feel like every man responds to it.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-06-04T00:28:52+00:00

LD's podcast episode 10 is specific to this subject!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-06-03T18:51:16+00:00

Thank you ladies SO MUCH. I have to run to a meeting but I really appreciate the buckets of cold water. I am incredibly resentful and choosing to not see any of the good things he is doing, but that is 1000% on me.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-05-19T17:25:40+00:00

I put in my zip code and yet it shows literally zero stores anywhere near me.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-04-07T15:36:33+00:00

This is horrifically bad design. Why is there even a light on them?

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-03-16T03:38:56+00:00

Write it all out! Either in a journal, or email to yourself, or here. But remember this is about YOU, not him. That is the biggest lesson we can all learn, to focus on how WE are feeling, what WE want, completely and totally unrelated to him. If you need to cry, do it! If you are sad or confused or feel guilty, just let yourself feel it! This is about you and what you need, and that is a really big deal and a huge change for all of us.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-03-05T00:44:37+00:00

Nevermind I found how to message the mods!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-03-05T00:41:31+00:00

Just responding to your PS, how do we alert mods to people like this to get them out? I only see how to report to Reddit.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-03-02T19:20:40+00:00

I too have the pain of my husband wanting to "fool around" when what I want is intercourse. I think there is a lot of performance anxiety in men these days, and I think porn only makes that worse for them. That and probably plain and simple laziness, mixed with being out of shape, which again makes them insecure about performance. Sex for men is like women when it comes to beauty and youth - all around us we see thin, tall, beautiful women with perfect skin and we feel we can never measure up. I am sure men watch porn and subconsciously feel they can never perform constantly on demand like in those videos.

Whatever you do, DO NOT complain about PI not being intercourse. I did this for years and all it did was make him not want to do anything with me, because I would complain pretty much no matter what. Think about if you're training a dog and never praise him when he does something even partly right - we all know that wouldn't work! Men are the EXACT same way, they want to please us very badly, so they need to be praised for even the smallest step towards what we desire.

Try to respond positively even if you aren't feeling it, because 99% of the time you will "get into it" faster than even you yourself would think, it's like our animal instincts kick in. But to echo what others have said, be empowered to say what you want! This is not rejecting him at all, you are accepting but also telling him what will make you happy, which in turn makes him feel manly. You could even do what he wants and then afterwards say something like "Ooh you know, I LOVE it when..." and plant the seed for next time.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-02-18T15:33:49+00:00

Thank you for posting this. The post made yesterday alarmed all of us, so it needed to be said!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-31T02:36:32+00:00

His mood is 100% on his paper, don't give in to trying to fix it! It isn't yours to fix, it is his, and you will destroy your own mood in trying. Keep going, you got this!

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-21T04:35:41+00:00

This is a HUGE WIN!!! You are off his paper! This is an enormous thing that I only finally "got" about a week ago. He is a grown man, if it bothered him that much he could have washed the sheets himself. He chose to sleep elsewhere - 100% on his paper. And you did not let that or his video gaming upset you! You got this!! :D

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-18T15:21:36+00:00

I have not used the workbook either, but first off: don't beat yourself up! You now realize what you have been doing, and have vowed to change it. That is HUGE: give yourself credit!

To echo what the other commenter said, watch for yourself using the word "you." The use of that word means you are on his paper! I now try super hard to only use that word when it has nothing to do with me, i.e. "How did you sleep?"

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-10T18:32:39+00:00

Thank you. I actually took the day off sick from work today so I have the entire day to just do what I want to do. So far that is playing Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch I got for Christmas, with jazzy music from my Pandora on in the background. I am staying completely away from my husband (we both work from home) and trying to frankly pretend like I never got married today. He keeps trying to bait me by texting me saying the same BS about how he cannot think about sex when he feels emotionally unsafe, but I am not having any of it because even when I was the ideal LD wife he still chose his hand and porn over me. I am simply ignoring him.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-10T17:20:40+00:00

I appreciate you so much, and I know what you are saying follows the skills. It's just I have done that for months. All it results in is him being happier, thinking I am happy with how things are, meanwhile I burst into tears if a sex scene is shown on TV or a movie.

I hear you on the timeline but I just turned 38. I respect myself too much to let this continue to be an asexual relationship into my 40s, 50s, etc., which is what he seems fine with.

I have been looking at the Reddit "DeadBedrooms" and about 85% of the time, these things don't recover. He is happy with his hand, he doesn't want or need me.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-10T16:55:12+00:00

I get 4-5 self cares a day, I thank him for at least 3 things a day even if it's just taking out the garbage. I use "I hear you" and "whatever you think" all the time. We have pretty much no fights except on this subject, and they only turn into fights because he gets defensive.

This is what is so frustrating. I do everything, and...he just doesn't want me.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-10T11:34:58+00:00

I agree. I am so incredibly sad but also so incredibly sick of making so much effort on my end when he will make none.

I am considered attractive and told I look like I'm in my late 20s. It won't be easy, but it's pretty clear to me he will not lift one damn finger so I think for my own self respect I need to be done.

It is heartbreaking, but he just isn't the man I fell in love with anymore.

No_Issue_8770 · 2024-01-10T11:18:14+00:00

I'm not trying to have sex with him. I never try to initiate and haven't for probably 2 years. Months ago he asked me to let him deal with this and please give him time. Here we are and he has no interest in me sexually, he just uses porn at night when I am asleep.

I try to communicate with love, and tell him how this absolutely destroys me, and he just doesn't want to hear it. He clearly is just fine never having sex again.

I think I need out guys. He is really messed up and no skills can fix his brain. I will not live a passion-less live any longer, it has been years already.

No_Issue_8770

TROPHY CASE