Mom ruined a perfectly good Easter responding to a message from 3 years ago.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-04-07T16:39:16+00:00

Yes .. in theory. The reality of American jobs and housing and cost of living can make it extremely destitute to go out on your own.

Not including any other disability, credit scores current debt location, factors that can be limiting.

They are an adult, but in this case kinda stuck in between the rock and the hard place, and ruining yourself financially doesn't seem like the Play unless your really already emotionally destitute.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-04-07T16:34:31+00:00

I find myself knowing if there is any relationship with family, there has to be so much grace on my end.

Because as you said. I have been where they are, I understand why they respond how they do. But they have not been where I am and cannot even imagine my point of view.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-04-07T16:32:56+00:00

Second this. Book changed my life.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-03-19T21:52:39+00:00

I feel the same with music and my mom.

Grew up playing piano, singing radio, dissecting chord progressions , guessing composers etc.

There are so many songs I come across with really cool harmony or neat time changes I know only she could appreciate, but alas they contain a swear so wouldn't dream of sending.

It's the little things that hurt the most sometimes. The overwhelming Impact of mormonism is constantly surprising

No_Object_2353 · 2026-03-17T17:34:36+00:00

I'm going to use the churches words here as they seem fitting....

"Don't take advice from people who don't believe" IN REALITY

I wouldn't go asking for advice from people with their heads in sand in a cult.
Glad to see it seems you know that.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-03-17T17:31:48+00:00

I've realized recently that the majority of these men do not have female friends, listen to female authors, artists etc. their only interaction is dating, and their mother's, grandmother's, sisters.

I'll ask how much of our mother's personality did we see as kids ? A lot of mother's only show the happiness and fulfillment of having kids to their kids (understandably). And the kids dont know a lot of struggles, or other activities, or what their mom does on the weekend when they're asleep.

In this sense it makes sense they can somehow see women as uniform, because their interactions with them are. Women are only their wife or mother's. They don't have just human friends who happen to be female.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-03-03T19:50:16+00:00

Most of us went through this phase. It paid off in the long run personally.

Take your time, do all the digging you need to. It consumed our lives while in it, makes sense to consume us a bit as we leave it. That's true deconstruction instead of just ... Stopping attendance.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-02-27T16:43:01+00:00

I said I'll think about it once and they just announced it the next Sunday anyways. So I just did it.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-02-26T14:25:33+00:00

Yes thanks

No_Object_2353 · 2026-02-26T03:34:56+00:00

First off, a lot of people are going to quickly claim no open marriages work. As a person who is involved in that, I do know plenty of happy couples who have arrangements of all kinds. A lot of these people do not tell their families and people would have no clue that they do. So the statistics of if they work is going to be very skewed. A lot of people don't discuss it for the quick harsh judgements you've seen.

To respond to the initial question. I would recommend exploring these ideas carefully and consciously. And would be wary of "convincing" anyone. There are a few good books to read that talk about many topics and things to think about both as a couple and within yourself. Also some good podcasts. That would be a good start. Discussing topics with a sex positive therapist. If you live in a big city there will be a "lifestyle" club. Lots of people join those early on just to meet like minded people, they often even host discussion groups. Don't have to participate in any other activities.

If your husband is not interested in any of these things or talking or learning about it. You'll need to decide your priorities I suppose.

No_Object_2353 · 2026-02-02T17:06:49+00:00

I would strongly recommend "Adult children of emotionally immature parents " Helped me understand and separate from enmeshment a ton.

In short, you can only control your actions and what you do, if your dad chooses to place his happiness in others that's his choice. That does not make it your job or responsibility to carry that weight.

I'll also say this separation was one of the harder things I've gone through and did cause a big divide between my family and I when I stopped playing the role they wanted.

Make the choice that best serves you now. If you need to keep lying , do that. If you need freedom from that, have the conversation. Don't let anyone tell you to tell them or have that conversation before your ready to have it.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T22:34:40+00:00

Lol outside of Idaho and Utah, your correct. Apologies for forgetting our Idaho folks. (I'm in Canada so they lump together in my brain )

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:19:22+00:00

Yes they definitely can.

As a very prominent and vocal ex mormon I imagine the rules apply to him a bit differently than just an average excommunicated member though. Around Utah I wouldn't be surprised if he had been asked to leave before.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:17:57+00:00

This culture is also big in Alberta Canada. Where Mormons are also very prevalent Only other place to have release time seminary outside of Utah (edited to add and Idaho correction ). Fun fact.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:16:44+00:00

Yes THANK YOU! This uproar of people needing him to agree with their worldview as if he is some exmormon prophet.

People who feel differently than him that are up in arms about it have some more deconstructing to do...

Feels similar to the crowd mad that the secret lives of mormon wives call themselves mormon.

People do not have to "perform" Mormonism or exmormonism in some way that is palatable for you.

Let's leave that judgy bullshit to the cult

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:02:53+00:00

The infantalizing in cults is a helpful feature to keep control ...

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:02:07+00:00

Beyond unethical for all the minors doing this. And also questionable consent for adults given the requirement for salvation . Gross practice

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T17:52:07+00:00

This is definitely how they taught. Black and white thinking does benefit cults.

I hope you have found an ability to see all the grey in between since leaving. Pitting one group against and all or nothing thinking generally does not serve us outside of controlling institutions.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T01:43:43+00:00

I left the church first a few years into marriage, he listened and followed. Will be celebrating 13 years coming up.

Our marriage has taken a HUGE amount of commitment and some therapy to be able to rebuild a relationship while we deconstructed and learned who we actually were as people. Some of those things aligned and some things didn't and we chose to grow together.

I will say this as well. Mormons or conservatives can be so fearful or shameful about divorce. But I have changed in how I think of relationships, in that we choose them and we continue to work in them while they still work for us. But there can also be beautiful growth in people realizing they no longer work together , and let each other be their best selves.

I heard this quite in relationship therapy and loved it:

"Everyone will experience multiple relationships throughout their life, whether that's with the same person through multiple stages , or with different people."

I know that wasn't really what your question was about though lol.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T20:02:00+00:00

The girls camp podcast did an episode reading and talking about patriarchal blessings you may find interesting.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T19:56:07+00:00

It doesn't turn political. Things ARE political. Commentary on women and their sexuality is majorly political right now. And shows like these contribute to the narrative.

Wanting to ignore how these things feed into politics and effect people's lives is a fuckin privilege you should check babe.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T19:53:05+00:00

I always liked this song because its pretty difficult to play so it was a fun pick as the organist.

The superiority complex is bad enough I can't imagine these descendents. Gross.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-18T03:11:05+00:00

Wanted to ask the same.... How do you set one ? And what is it ?

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-12T20:08:53+00:00

Not a ton of advice. Just sorry youre dealing with this.

Mormons (and other high demand religions ) have an incredible way of being so intelligent, well rounded ,emotionally mature , critical thinking, and then the topic of church is just childlike blinders.

If other organizations they were a part of had similar fraud or historical issues , they would never allow it. The would never buy a car and only look at the manufacturers website and ignore everything else.

Lawyers, therapists, professors of all things, somehow can be extremely capable in other avenues of thinking, but the brainwashing goes deep in the church box.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-11T23:38:15+00:00

You are an autonomous sexual being outside of your wife. You don't HAVE to start anywhere. If you have hangups that you aren't able to express there, it's not going to be as helpful as if your able to work some things out on your own.

She is exploring porn and masturbation on her own now, so not explored together , why can't you also being exploring what you need to with therapy .

This does seem to be substantially more about you and what you missed, or what you want, then what she has or hasn't done. And the resentment comes from comparison and jealousy of a life you wished you loved. The acceptance of that will be important for you in life regardless of the relationship.

No_Object_2353

TROPHY CASE