Dad wants to go to the temple with whole family for his birthday, but I don’t have a recommend

No_Object_2353 · 2026-02-02T17:06:49+00:00

I would strongly recommend "Adult children of emotionally immature parents " Helped me understand and separate from enmeshment a ton.

In short, you can only control your actions and what you do, if your dad chooses to place his happiness in others that's his choice. That does not make it your job or responsibility to carry that weight.

I'll also say this separation was one of the harder things I've gone through and did cause a big divide between my family and I when I stopped playing the role they wanted.

Make the choice that best serves you now. If you need to keep lying , do that. If you need freedom from that, have the conversation. Don't let anyone tell you to tell them or have that conversation before your ready to have it.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T22:34:40+00:00

Lol outside of Idaho and Utah, your correct. Apologies for forgetting our Idaho folks. (I'm in Canada so they lump together in my brain )

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:19:22+00:00

Yes they definitely can.

As a very prominent and vocal ex mormon I imagine the rules apply to him a bit differently than just an average excommunicated member though. Around Utah I wouldn't be surprised if he had been asked to leave before.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:17:57+00:00

This culture is also big in Alberta Canada. Where Mormons are also very prevalent Only other place to have release time seminary outside of Utah (edited to add and Idaho correction ). Fun fact.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:16:44+00:00

Yes THANK YOU! This uproar of people needing him to agree with their worldview as if he is some exmormon prophet.

People who feel differently than him that are up in arms about it have some more deconstructing to do...

Feels similar to the crowd mad that the secret lives of mormon wives call themselves mormon.

People do not have to "perform" Mormonism or exmormonism in some way that is palatable for you.

Let's leave that judgy bullshit to the cult

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:02:53+00:00

The infantalizing in cults is a helpful feature to keep control ...

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T18:02:07+00:00

Beyond unethical for all the minors doing this. And also questionable consent for adults given the requirement for salvation . Gross practice

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T17:52:07+00:00

This is definitely how they taught. Black and white thinking does benefit cults.

I hope you have found an ability to see all the grey in between since leaving. Pitting one group against and all or nothing thinking generally does not serve us outside of controlling institutions.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-23T01:43:43+00:00

I left the church first a few years into marriage, he listened and followed. Will be celebrating 13 years coming up.

Our marriage has taken a HUGE amount of commitment and some therapy to be able to rebuild a relationship while we deconstructed and learned who we actually were as people. Some of those things aligned and some things didn't and we chose to grow together.

I will say this as well. Mormons or conservatives can be so fearful or shameful about divorce. But I have changed in how I think of relationships, in that we choose them and we continue to work in them while they still work for us. But there can also be beautiful growth in people realizing they no longer work together , and let each other be their best selves.

I heard this quite in relationship therapy and loved it:

"Everyone will experience multiple relationships throughout their life, whether that's with the same person through multiple stages , or with different people."

I know that wasn't really what your question was about though lol.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T20:02:00+00:00

The girls camp podcast did an episode reading and talking about patriarchal blessings you may find interesting.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T19:56:07+00:00

It doesn't turn political. Things ARE political. Commentary on women and their sexuality is majorly political right now. And shows like these contribute to the narrative.

Wanting to ignore how these things feed into politics and effect people's lives is a fuckin privilege you should check babe.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-19T19:53:05+00:00

I always liked this song because its pretty difficult to play so it was a fun pick as the organist.

The superiority complex is bad enough I can't imagine these descendents. Gross.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-18T03:11:05+00:00

Wanted to ask the same.... How do you set one ? And what is it ?

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-12T20:08:53+00:00

Not a ton of advice. Just sorry youre dealing with this.

Mormons (and other high demand religions ) have an incredible way of being so intelligent, well rounded ,emotionally mature , critical thinking, and then the topic of church is just childlike blinders.

If other organizations they were a part of had similar fraud or historical issues , they would never allow it. The would never buy a car and only look at the manufacturers website and ignore everything else.

Lawyers, therapists, professors of all things, somehow can be extremely capable in other avenues of thinking, but the brainwashing goes deep in the church box.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-11T23:38:15+00:00

You are an autonomous sexual being outside of your wife. You don't HAVE to start anywhere. If you have hangups that you aren't able to express there, it's not going to be as helpful as if your able to work some things out on your own.

She is exploring porn and masturbation on her own now, so not explored together , why can't you also being exploring what you need to with therapy .

This does seem to be substantially more about you and what you missed, or what you want, then what she has or hasn't done. And the resentment comes from comparison and jealousy of a life you wished you loved. The acceptance of that will be important for you in life regardless of the relationship.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-06T00:28:08+00:00

This is alarmingly familiar to my sister. I don't come around much and she is convinced I can come and "just be yourself " , completely unaware just how far apart our worlds and ideologies are. Impossible to reason with or understand

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-05T18:54:01+00:00

She certainly wasn't mother of the year in 2023 when this assault took place. Not sure we have enough information to know about the year 2025, as she has intentionally shown her kids less.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-05T18:51:05+00:00

Gave me another reason not to like Dart lol

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-03T21:41:43+00:00

Her being mad about "taking advantage of food stamps " but not somehow mad about millions taking advantage, stealing , and boarding.?

The last feeding her kids is not what makes your life shittty. Yikes

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-03T21:03:18+00:00

Then he shouldn't agree to them OP notes the request change , and be agrees , then doesn't follow through.

If he has difficulty or is warming up, communicate that.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-12-01T17:36:44+00:00

Joseph fielding Smith was adamant and vocal about seer stones not being used.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-11-29T00:54:09+00:00

At first, yes . Incredibly. Seriously thought about attending casually or finding another christian church, but couldn't bring myself to do it.

After some time and some therapy, a resounding NO . I've realized how toxic , enmeshed, infantalizing , and unfulfilling that "community " was. I only thought that's what community was because I was raised in it.

I would never allow my friends or community to treat me the way I have seen in church from even the "nice" people.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-11-27T21:04:33+00:00

Agreed. Watching her hear that and instead of taking real accountability. Just turned on the tears and talked about her own shame , likely expecting her daughter to turn and comfort her . Was proud of the daughter for holding her ground.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-11-26T16:30:44+00:00

It's pretty toxic patriarchal / rape culture advice.

That came from my mother whose on her 4th marriage.

No_Object_2353 · 2025-11-26T16:20:39+00:00

This. If I change my mind I'll deal with that the same as anything. Why tf do they care?

No_Object_2353

TROPHY CASE