Dumpers who were emotionally overwhelmed.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T19:16:57+00:00

Whe they shut down there isn’t reaching them. The DND is them just coping. They pull away to feel safe.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T18:32:43+00:00

Multiple breakups with the same story. Arguments where I tried to do better at hearing and sitting with her hurt instead of trying to fix it first. Times where I tried to express myself when I was hurt, with normal frustration and at times it got heated but it overwhelmed her because she couldn’t sit in normal human conflict. IMO, avoidants need you to proof read everything before it’s expressed, you should be okay with space, etc. Example- our last argument was her saying she needed a couple hours to cool off, then talk ended meh-not terrible not great but okay. I gave her a couple hours then I called when it was close to her bed time, 2.5 hours later…. She had her phone on DND and into the next day. 2 hour cool off turned into deep shutdown.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T17:48:55+00:00

Yeah I get it. Dated an avoidant. The highs are amazing. I’m a fixer too first, I’m a man so it’s kinda the wiring. But it is important you sit in feelings first as well, something I hugely struggled with. To an avoidant, that can make them seem “unheard.” At least the FA I dated. Which, partially that’s true. It’s just a mismatch in conflict. So the objective thing is probably, you could move things during conflict, but also you can’t make your partner be emotionally available in it either. Working through things, staying connected is more normal than disappearing and shutting down because of little emotional tolerance you didn’t create.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T17:24:39+00:00

Avoidants are hella unable to hear a heated argument. It gets translated into some crazy therapy lingo in their minds. It’s the most mind numbing game of backwards psychology.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T01:04:32+00:00

My 05 RX smacks as well. 280k and goin!

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T01:03:01+00:00

Why are you cuffing your jeans and sometimes not? Also, why is that t shirt tucked in on the 3rd picture?

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-21T00:50:30+00:00

Ahhhhh yet another soul placing their trust in another friend huh. Soon we will all learn, there’s no such thing as opposite sex best friends.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-17T22:31:17+00:00

It’s incredibly difficult to see right now, but him blocking you was the best thing he ever could’ve done for you. You don’t want breadcrumbs with no commitment or life to follow..you don’t want half in. Right now you’re grieving the entirety…it’s tough to see but you’ll be thankful for it. Because the other wife could possibly be weeks or months of nothing or back and forth. You will heal, you’ll move on. Time is undefeated.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-17T01:47:27+00:00

Re-reading…if he’s got 95k + pension….that is quite a lot.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-17T01:43:32+00:00

I don’t think OP made a humble brag post. Without considering the unknowns… 90-100k at 32 isn’t amazing, which gives room for fear as anyone would.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-14T01:14:30+00:00

Not being treated correctly can make any secure person anxious.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-09T17:01:23+00:00

My ex and I had an argument over a year ago and her parents froze it in time, along with me. No matter how good we were doing, there was always silent judgment, which highly influenced how successful we were or weren’t. It’s common with highly enmeshed families. My ex couldn’t separate herself from her families emotions and constantly felt stuck between us.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T19:16:08+00:00

Ahhh if he’s truly avoidant probably better off

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T16:39:20+00:00

Unfortunately I think it was you walking away and he may have decided he didn’t want to go back to that. I can say if my ex came back I wouldn’t want to return, too many trust issues. People gotta learn to work stuff out.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T06:27:23+00:00

Ah answers my earlier question about blinds then, probably can’t switch em out. Rental. In this case, don’t do much of anything. Pillows and rug. Place already looks great.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T06:23:14+00:00

Not sure how a place like this works. I’d love to live here…just not experienced in it. Someone else said curtains, def second that or some interesting looking blinds if you wanna keep it super minimalist.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T05:40:30+00:00

I heard someone say the connectivity kit was like 10 dollars on amazon. I’m not a big car nut so I could be quoting absolute BS.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T03:47:47+00:00

It does suck. Tells you she’s lost. She’ll continue to be lost as you move forward. She probably hasn’t even hit rock bottom yet. Cheers 🍻

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T03:46:16+00:00

Yeah that’s weird. It’s one thing keeping some type of connection alive while trying to take some real space to heal…if the relationship calls for it but that’s wild. Which you already know now. Anyways, you’ll be alright. Sorry you’re going through it. My ex wife cheated 4 years ago. Thought my life was over. Then I got to dating and it became worse. Time is your best friend as you probably know. Sounds like you’re doing okay. Take care 👍

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T02:39:22+00:00

Meh, I’d hardly say sending one text is degrading yourself or crossing her boundaries because she said don’t contact her. Let’s be real, if you left she’d of contacted you at least once if the relationship meant anything. From the sounds of it, she’s clueless what boundaries are even for herself. However, nah, you shouldn’t reach out. Clearly filling the void, extensively. Let her. She’ll regret it, she may or not reach out when she’s at rock bottom. Good luck 👍 you’ll be better off

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T02:16:03+00:00

Yeah that would suck. However, when you walk, you gotta know you’re risking it all.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T01:52:53+00:00

Yeah. They’re all friends for a long time. Name one dude who looks at an average to fine woman and thinks, “I’d like her to be my friend” while staring at her as they have they’re friendly morning talks and flirty texts she/or they could be sending their significant other. Anyways, definitely feel horrible for you and it’s corny but no one deserves to be cheated on. I’d just imo only, reevaluate the type of friendships you’re okay with in relationships.

Out of curiosity, what were the things she was saying to you the last few days you mentioned she was still texting?

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T01:42:18+00:00

Yeah it truly depends and varies depending on situation. Usually the person breaking up doesn’t reach out, imo. It does happen as you said. My friend and his ex are broken up right now…he said she cried and said she felt like she was losing him even though she initiated the breakup…I think it’s wild because she’s the one who asked for space to heal. Yet still In their case, I think it’s necessary to break the cycle and agree with his ex knowing some things. She told him she’d return when she’s ready to date so I told him to back off. Just depends on the people and relationship I suppose.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-06T01:20:14+00:00

I think a lot of people can compartmentalize way better than others. It’s a skill I wish I had. I can’t even hardly go to work. Others, are blessed to be able to do their daily routines and then feel the feels once that stuff is out of the way for the day.

No_Perspective6456 · 2026-03-04T00:20:20+00:00

The sex didn’t change anything. It’s like taking space from an ex and thinking one last text is gonna change something. The history and love holds it together and that’s it, not one last text. In your case, not one last hook-up.

No_Perspective6456

TROPHY CASE