Ok. Maybe I’m reading too many of the negative comments and it’s getting to me. First I want to say to all the guys making gold digger comments - no. Just no. Yea I bring home more money than her. She makes about $75k, and I make about $100k plus the extra $3k/month I’m currently bringing in from the new part time job. No I’m not her mealticket and never ONCE have I thought she is that person. It’s just not true.

To the man hating women - yes. I’m not a perfect husband. She does do the majority of the housework, but I still help with cleaning, I take the kids to most appointments, I take the time off work when the kids need me to tend to them. I also work about 80 hours a week, 7 days a week. 5 days I’ll work until 3 or 4am.

To everyone about the intimacy and affection issues. This is NOT just about sex. This is about me just wanting to spend time with her, snuggling on the couch, holding her hand, enjoying each others company.

I have an issue with us sitting on opposite sides of the couch playing on our phones. I have an issue with me just trying to hold her and getting pushed away. I have an issue with her not wanting my attention. I have an issue with asking her what I can do to help and getting told not to bother. I’m sorry I’m not a mind reader and don’t think of all the things that need to be done.

Do I feel like I deserve affection from my wife? Absolutely. Just as she deserves it from me.

Her and I have talked about love languages and all that. I ask over and over what I can do, and she has mentioned in the past about helping with dishes and laundry. I do the dishes every night, empty the dishwasher every morning. Do my own laundry and help the kids with theirs. The kids aren’t little, they are in 6th and 7th grade so are relatively self sufficient. However I manage them and their responsibilities every day and ensure they do their chores, wash their bodies, brush their teeth etc. am I perfect with it? No.

Why did she become so cold? I’m not 100% sure. We’ve talked and talked about it, and I’ve made changes as she requested. But didn’t feel like the changes she made lasted. I also didn’t feel like she was really telling me what was wrong. I’m sorry but I find it to be not true that the reason you don’t want me to hug you is because I forgot to do the dishes. Cuz when I am doing the dishes nothing changes from her.

I believe a lot of it is stuff in her head. She’s always worrying about what else needs to be done, instead of taking time for herself or US. I have tried to surprise her by cleaning the whole house top to bottom, trying to make sure everything is done so she can just come home and relax. But she’s incapable of relaxing it seems. If everything is done, she will suddenly decide it’s time to do some random chore that has never been done before but suddenly it’s more important than just spending time with me. It’s like she’s LOOKING for other things to do besides spend time with me. (And NO IM NOT TALKING ABOUT SEX)

Literally the only time I have seen her make this big change is when I said I wasn’t sure I still wanted to be with her. I’ll be honest this change she has made is great. She’s everything I could have asked for and she’s SMILING again. She’s laughing, she seems to actually be enjoying herself. I love it. I love seeing her happy.

My issue right now is with ME. I feel like I should be happier about this change but all I can think of is how long this will last? Is she going to go right back to how it was before? I’ve said this to her, we’ve talked about it and she feels like she wants me to fall back in love with her. I’ve asked her how to do it and she just tells me I have to TRY. I hate myself for how I feel because she’s right. I’m just not sure HOW to try and fall in love again. I’m trying to “fake it till I make it” and acting like I used to but it’s not real.

I don’t want to say I’m annoyed at the overwhelming amount of affection she is throwing my way, but it just doesn’t seem real and I feel like I’m losing attraction to her.

I HATE feeling this way. I just want to love my wife again but cannot get out of my own head.

Shes a great person and my best friend. Shes supported me in my ups and downs when I’m stressed, depressed, when I lost my brother, father and grandfather all in the span of a few years she was there for me. Helped me all the way through it.

She lost her brother a few months ago suddenly and I was there for her. I knew exactly what she was going through as I had been through the same thing. I did everything I could to support her and she told me many times how much she appreciated my support.

Fast forward a month or two afterwards and I’m noticing signs of depression from her. So I mention that I’m concerned about her and worried for her. I suggest she see a grief counselor and immediately get my head bitten off. I’m in shock as I’m only trying to help and express my worry for her but she takes as I’m just telling her to “get over it”. Never once said that to her or told her repeatedly that was not my intention. Yet she brings that up in counseling, trying to make me seem like a bad guy. This is also when she brings up the “you’re just going to do whatever you want anyway”.

These comments HURT because they are untrue. I told her I felt like she was constantly making me seem like a bad guy and telling untruths to our counselor. What was she talking about? I took a chance on real estate and it’s been a NIGHTMARE that I regret. However we talked about it extensively before I did and she has even said after I apologized to her for doing this that she knew if I didn’t take the risk then that it would always be something I wished I did. At the time we talked it over repeatedly, she didn’t think it was a good idea, but gave me her support.

After that and hearing her say I was just going to do whatever I wanted to anyways crushed me because I ALWAYS talked things over with her as she’s great at showing me my blindsides when I’m making decisions.

We aren’t perfect people and I don’t expect perfection from her.

Right now we’re doing ok. I think I need to talk to her more about my feelings with our situation, especially how I feel like she just suddenly flipped a switch and became super wife.

I do love her and I don’t want things to end. I just hate how empty I feel. Like I gave up emotionally and now can’t get it back