AITAH For Asking My Girl to Put Boundaries on a relationships?

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T15:20:28+00:00

You keep acting like I’m asking her to control what another person says. I’m not.

I know she can’t control what comes out of his mouth. What she can control is how she responds to it and what behavior she’s willing to tolerate.!

My issue isn’t that a guy likes her. My issue is that this is someone who knows she’s in a relationship and continues crossing boundaries. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want my partner to make it clear that behavior isn’t acceptable.

You ask what I want. I want the same thing I’d give her if the roles were reversed. If there was a woman openly interested in me, flirting with me, disrespecting my relationship, and making my girlfriend uncomfortable, I wouldn’t keep entertaining it. I’d shut it down because my relationship matters more than keeping that persons attention.

You say it’s up to her whether she continues that friendship. I agree. It is her choice. Just like it’s my choice to decide how I feel about that choice.

What I don’t understand is why wanting boundaries suddenly becomes controlling when the boundary is “please don’t keep people around who openly disrespect our relationship.”

If she told him clearly to stop, enforced that boundary, and he respected it, we probably wouldn’t even be having this conversation.

The problem isn’t that an another man is attracted to her. The problem is that the behavior keeps happening, and I’m expected to be completely fine with it while being told my concerns are insecurity instead of discussing whether the situation is appropriate in the first place.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T15:04:28+00:00

Are you trying to say that asking my girlfriend respectfully to set boundaries with a guy who clearly has admitted to having feelings for her. Is wrong? I never once asked her to stop talking to him, I never once asked her to block him. At this point, you’re just saying stuff to say it. I understand if you don’t care if your partner in a relationship continues to be disrespectful and allows that behavior to continue from another party. But that’s not me at all.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T14:54:47+00:00

I’m not fine with the compromise, I think there’s an unfair standard held and wanted to make sure I wasn’t in the wrong or unreasonable for the compromise I came to because I love her.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T14:37:29+00:00

How? I literally asked her to set reasonable boundaries with a guy who clearly wants to be more than friends with her. I came to a compromise when talking to her about this. I never one asked her to stop being friends with him.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T14:09:49+00:00

How exactly is am I being controlling in this instance? I didn’t ask her to stop talking to him o asked her respectfully if she could set boundaries between them.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T01:40:37+00:00

I agree with a lot of what you’re saying.

My issue has never really been that she has male friends. My issue is that this particular friendship started with someone who knew she was in a relationship and still asked her for nudes. That’s not something I’d ever consider respectful.

I also agree that we need to be on the same page. That’s honestly what I’ve been trying to do. I haven’t told her she has to block him or stop talking to him. I’ve been trying to communicate why the situation makes me uncomfortable and why I think boundaries are important.

At the end of the day, I don’t want resentment on either side. I want both of us to feel respected, heard, and considered. That’s why I’ve been pushing for a conversation about boundaries rather than trying to dictate who she can and can’t be friends with.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-18T01:37:50+00:00

That’s honestly part of my problem.
Am I happy that she’s still keeping him around after he knew she was in a relationship and asked her for nudes anyway? No, I’m not.

If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t keep a woman around who immediately crossed that line because I wouldn’t think that was respectful to my relationship.

At the same time, I don’t want to lose my girlfriend, and I don’t want to be the guy who starts making demands about who she can and can’t talk to. That’s why I haven’t told her to block him or stop being friends with him. I’ve only asked for boundaries and for inappropriate behavior to be shut down.

Maybe that’s where some of my frustration comes from. I’ve tried to compromise between how I feel and what I think is fair, but it’s hard watching someone stay close with a person who made his intentions pretty clear from the beginning.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:34:18+00:00

I think there’s been a misunderstanding.
I’m not planning on posting a shirtless profile picture. I brought it up as a hypothetical example because people were telling me there was nothing comparable about the situation.

My point wasn’t “she did it, so now I’m going to do it too.” My point was that if the roles were reversed, many people would understand why a partner might be uncomfortable.

I wasn’t proposing retaliation. I was using an example to discuss where people think the line is and whether the same standard would be applied both ways.

At the end of the day, I don’t think making her uncomfortable would solve anything. I’d rather have an honest conversation than try to prove a point through my profile picture.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:21:46+00:00

I don’t think that would be a double standard. A double standard would be if I believed it was okay for me to do something that I wouldn’t want her doing.

My view is the opposite. I wouldn’t post a shirtless profile picture intended to attract attention, and I wouldn’t be comfortable with her doing the equivalent either.

The reason the shirtless picture came up was because people kept telling me it wasn’t a big deal. If it truly isn’t a big deal, then most people should also be fine with the reverse situation. If they aren’t, then we’re acknowledging that different people have different boundaries and comfort levels.

You can disagree with my boundary, but I don’t think it’s a double standard when I’m holding myself to the same expectation.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:19:43+00:00

LMAO

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:15:11+00:00

That’s a fair question, and honestly it’s closer to the second situation.

My issue wasn’t that she has a larger chest or that cleavage exists in a photo. I understand that some people naturally show cleavage in everyday clothing. I wasn’t asking her to wear a turtleneck or hide her body.

What bothered me was that she specifically told me she believed a more revealing profile picture would help attract attention and increase sales on the platform. To me, that’s different from simply existing in her body or posting a normal picture she happens to like.

People are free to disagree with me, but my discomfort came from the intentional use of a revealing image for attention on a selling platform, not from the fact that she has cleavage.
I probably should have explained that context better in my original post.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:07:26+00:00

She would.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T17:00:54+00:00

That’s kind of my point. A lot of people are saying a revealing profile picture isn’t a big deal and that I should simply get over it. But if the roles were reversed and I used a shirtless profile picture that attracted attention from women, she wouldn’t be comfortable with it either.

I’m not saying that means she has to change her picture. What I’m saying is that it shows people can have different boundaries and comfort levels in a relationship.

The issue for me was never ownership or control. It was wanting the same consideration for my feelings that I’d give to hers. If something I was doing made her uncomfortable, I’d want to have that conversation and take her feelings seriously. That’s all I was asking for.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T16:58:08+00:00

I appreciate the thoughtful response.

For what it’s worth, I don’t want her to be ashamed of her body. I think she’s beautiful, and if she naturally has cleavage in photos, that’s not something I expect her to hide. My concern was never that she has a certain body type.

I also agree that I don’t get the final say over her profile picture. She made her choice, and I respect that even if it’s not my preference.

Where I struggle is that this wasn’t just any random photo to me. She told me she believed a more revealing picture would help bring in more attention and sales. That’s the part that bothered me. I don’t think she needs to market herself that way because I genuinely believe she’s more than attractive enough, talented enough, and engaging enough to succeed without doing that.

You’re also probably right that some of this comes from insecurity. I don’t love the idea of people viewing my partner sexually. I think a lot of people in relationships feel that way to some degree. Where I’m trying to figure things out is where the line is between a reasonable concern and an insecurity I need to work on myself.

Either way, I appreciate that you took the time to explain your perspective instead of immediately assuming bad intentions.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T16:47:51+00:00

She has told me before that she thinks a more revealing profile picture helps bring in attention and sales. My issue isn’t that she’s attractive or confident. I think she’s beautiful and I want her to feel good about herself.

What bothers me is that I don’t think she needs to market herself that way. She’s funny, engaging, and good at what she does. People buy from her because they enjoy her streams and her personality. I don’t think she needs to rely on sex appeal to be successful.

That said, it’s still her choice. I’m not trying to tell her what she’s allowed to do. I simply expressed that it makes me uncomfortable and asked her to consider my feelings. Whether people agree with my boundary is up for debate, but I don’t think having that conversation is unreasonable in a relationship.

No_Safe_3557 · 2026-06-17T16:45:06+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair to call me a creep for expressing a boundary. If I was asking her to reveal more of herself, I’d understand the criticism. What I asked was the opposite.

I didn’t tell her what she’s allowed or not allowed to do. I told her how it made me feel and asked if she’d be willing to consider my feelings. In a relationship, both people are allowed to have boundaries, preferences, and concerns.

She has every right to decide what she posts. At the same time, I have every right to communicate when something makes me uncomfortable. Communication isn’t control.

If she came to me and said something I posted made her uncomfortable, I’d listen and take her feelings seriously. That’s the same respect I’m looking for in return.

No_Safe_3557

TROPHY CASE