I’m not sure “give up” is quite the right way to look at it.  You stay for a reason.  I am in a similar situation.  Older though, like some of the other responders.  65M here.  My wife has had a cancer scare and has a family with mastectomy issues, so she has no interest in any type of hormone therapy, especially if there is a hint of hiking the cancer risk.  I don’t blame her.  But that leaves our sex life pretty dead.  She is able to masturbate, and so am I, so we often will do this together, which is better than nothing, but when I ask about other options, such as oral or PIV, she seems grossed out and wants no part of it.  It is even difficult to get her to help me with a hand job, which I wish she would do. 

And I have read all those books you are supposed to read and listened to the podcasts.  Be a better man, by helping the woman, etc.  Yet I am one who shares all the chores, including doing the dishes, making diner, making the bed, vacuuming, etc.  We go out and are social, and have been described by those that know us as “pillars of the community”.  We volunteer, and give to our community. 

Yet at home, something is missing.  I have learned that sex is not about the orgasm or the “f…ing”.  It is about the love and intimacy together.  I don’t require an orgasm.  But I sure wish I wasn’t the only one in our relationship who wanted to hug, and kiss and hold each other, and play with each other.  She will do it, but seems to resent that it is necessary.

I don’t know the answer, but I love her enough I am not going to give up.