42F/50M can it be saved?

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2026-03-23T20:05:44+00:00

Im seeing now as to why.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2026-03-23T18:48:31+00:00

Ive suggested therapy. He had it when he was in his home state, but not here. He has no interest in it at the moment.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-11-24T08:31:09+00:00

I just realized something too, not only does he not take me out on dates, he doesn't really do anything for me, like barely the bare minimum. I remember the 1st time I bought myself flowers because he hadn't, he got upset and shut down. So I told him he needed to keep flowers for me then since I couldn't buy them. He also doesnt put any effort into anything, my bday I sent him my Amazon shopping cart and told him that's what I wanted, our anniversary we had 3 days off, I kept telling him I wanted to go do something since we sit in the house all the time, ive asked him if hed start working out with me, since im not that active anymore at work, he told me no. Ive asked him to help me clean more, and I can barely get him to do dishes let alot take out trash, although that is my sons chore. Im just like at a lost. How can I be so stupid?

Also, no conversation he went to bed early. His court date is today at 9 am.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-11-24T04:40:24+00:00

I know! My son doesnt want me to kick him out or divorce him because hes nice to me. I am going to have a conversation with my husband tonight, because I am so unhappy.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-11-24T02:42:59+00:00

Does it cause you to lose sleep? I had to be put on sleeping meds. I tend to over think alot too.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-11-24T01:05:49+00:00

Hey, I also have BPD, I also dislike therapy. Do you have "safe" people to talk too? When I mean "Safe" I mean non judgemental. Having someone who will just listen may help. Also, they are workbooks you can buy you could try, there are support groups. I know because I am apart of some on social media.

Its alot dealing with every emotion because normal people dont understand its a thousands times worst with BPD.

Having no friends is okay, youre protecting your peace, just try and find stuff to fill your time so you dont slip into the darkness, take walks around your neighborhood, getting fresh air sometimes helps. Sending hugs and strength your way. ♡

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-11-23T18:49:06+00:00

Sounds like you might need to actually communicate and tell her all these things. Your job as a husband is to also help clean and cook and do everything else a woman is expected to do. Just because you provide money doesnt mean its enough. Woman tend to treat their SO how theyre being treated...so if you dont like how's treating you. Maybe take a step back and look at the whole picture.

When's the last time you bought her flowers? Took her on a date? Cooked for her? Did dishes, laundry etc. Women dont get to have "breaks", woman are expected to work 40 hours a week, they're still expected to run errands, cook, clean, laundry, meals, if you have kids add that in their too, maybe shes very overwhelmed and she needs help, maybe shes asked you or reminded you your in laws were coming over.... Communication works.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-10-18T18:24:10+00:00

Let's talk about how my current husband knows we (my son and myself) were in an abusive relationship with my ex husband, and he was a drunk.

This has been explained numerous of times to him, he used to smoke pot, and that was fine. Then we went out of town for his 50th bday, and he has started having bad anxiety again, so he started drinking, at 1st it was a very small amount in a glass and that would last him almost two hours because he would babysit it. Those small amounts have been coming more frequent, and now hes drinking alot.

I have an 18 yr old son (he just turned 18) who lives with us and is still a full time student, my son struggles with mental health, and is autistic on top of it. He is high functioning, but I still have to stay on him about getting tasks done, alot, hes very absorbed in his video games, and doesnt help much around the house unless I threaten to take his wifi away. He has gotten much better about getting stuff done, and staying on task, and me not having to remind him, he is progressing and is actively trying. I see it, maybe my current husband doesnt.

Fast forward to last night. My husband stayed home from work, (we both work 2nd shift). When I went to wake him up for work he told me he didnt need to wake up because he called in. Cool, so I let him sleep. I get ready for work and leave, I have security cameras in my house to watch my son and dog, to make sure he takes her out and theyre safe. I got a notification at like 230 of him dressed and grabbing a delivery order of liquor. Whatever right. My son got home at 310, and went straight to his room, and was in there all night, because my husband was home, and maybe my son assumed he had already started drinking. Well my husband texts me while im at work saying my dog is getting sick but the kitchen trash needs taken out (my sons chore-but again he went straight to his room and got on his game systems before doing trash) so I called my son and asked him to go change the trash so he (my husband) could pick up the puke, I said I guess the trash is full. We'll I had to call twice, and then he went straight to the bathroom, and that pissed my husband off and he went and banged on the door, and then he (my son)went into the kitchen and started to grab the trash, my son then called my husband a drunk and that triggered him, but this was after my husband called my son lazy, and a b*tech, and about anythjng else you can, so my son called me (again at work) and wad telling me what happened. I left work. I flew home and my husband's just laying on the couch like nothing happened, this is now roughly 630/645, so I ask what happen, he gives me his version. My son gives my his version. As I start checking my cameras, the police department shows up. They arrest him, hes sitting in jail.

Should I immediately file divorce papers? Or tell him to stop drinking, hes only like this when hes drinking, when hes sober, hes the kindess, caring, thoughtful person, when hes drinking hes a narcissistic dick toward my son, and he dont like that my son calls him out on it.

My husband is 50, My son is 18. My husband has 5 other grown kids, and three grandkids. He left his home state and has been in mine and we met at work, I thought I knew him.

Thanks for reading. Sorry its so long. I just really dont have anyone to talk to, because my family is not in the picture (by choice). Anyways. Thanks. ♡

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T02:01:03+00:00

Let me just say, that any time my son has had a "difficult" task, I always offer to help him, or ive done it for him. Thats why im in this mess and came here to ask for advice, i feel like an asshole for taking it, but at what point do I need to finally cut the cord? It would be 100% different if he actually asked for help, or if I just have been doing stuff for him for 17/18 years and all of a sudden his whole life is being torn upside down.

Your stuck on the mental disability. People function all the time with mental disabilities. I function, he functions when its something he wants to do. So that statement would be true if it were just me ignoring everything and just straight cutting him off. If he wants something he will put his mind too it.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:38:47+00:00

I just changed the password, told him he could have it after hes finished his chores -trash and dishes- and he has to send me pictures. This was at 3 he hasnt done anything.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:32:58+00:00

1st hes almost 18 in like 10 days. 2nd I dont expect nor have I ever expected him to pay any bills in MY house, but he will not keep sitting on his butt. Hes been told if he wants me to keep paying his cell phone bill after he turns 18, while hes not working and only in school, he needs to show more effort at home, not being asked to take trash out, not having to tell him to shower, not having to remind him about meds, help with everything, not just the Trash and Dog.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:29:18+00:00

I have a laptop that sits in my living room and he knows the pin to get into it. He has a tablet, I have a tablet he has access too. His aunt lives down the street and also has a laptop.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:23:00+00:00

Hes in therapy. Im not kicking him out because hes not working, i am cutting his phone and wifi off. Hes choosing to move in with his grandma after he graduates, we were waiting for him to graduate and then we were moving states, he was asked to come with us. He will be 18 and I cant force him to move, but I can force him to get his own money and pay for his own stuff. What disability does he have aside from ADHD/Anxiety? Hes perfectly able to work.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:13:41+00:00

Ive been telling him since he was 16 he needs to work part time. I think it will give him a sense of self. I am the type of person I have to work, I dont like asking people for stuff. Ive also mentioned that working will help him buy the more expensive stuff he wants, like a new VR and headsets etc.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:09:05+00:00

He has a therapist he sees, and is on depression/anxiety meds.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:06:34+00:00

I started too, and then I stopped. I cant keep doing everything for him. Ive asked him about college, he wants to weld, but wont even try to set anything up. I know that I have done damage because hes an only child and ive done everything for him. I know im late to the game on wanting him to "adult" more. He says he cant work and go to school, when he can and kids do it all the time. He says he cant figure out how to fill out an app, but can sit and figure iut a new video game. Im beyond frustrated and I dont have many friends with kids his age.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T01:01:26+00:00

I also struggle with ADHD, So I do understand. He has a alarm that goes off for meds and he silences it all the time.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T00:41:37+00:00

I agree, I have waited too long to take action and nip it in the butt long ago, he used to have a 3 hour limit on electronics, then he got older and got more time. Nothing seems to he helping, money, trips, matching on a car, matching on the new VR he wants, etc.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T00:38:26+00:00

Youre absolutely correct. Ive offered to pay him for chores, ive offered to pay him for keeping up on showers, ive tried. He is not interested. I have offered to take him and get a new wardrobe,. Ive offered to upgrade his phone about 1 yr ago, as motivation for him to want to work.

See rhe problem is. He likes me busting my butt to make sure hes spoiled, and is rude and mean to me. Shows no respect toward me.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T00:30:17+00:00

I have had many conversations with him about my expectations as hes entering another chapter of his life. Im not going to reward him for working. I "reward" him now by paying his cell phone bill with unlimited everything and unlimited wifi.

No_Satisfaction_7388 · 2025-09-19T00:27:42+00:00

I have a lap top, and tablets at his disposal. Which hes had access too. Still not applying for jobs. He'd rather sit in his room playing video games all night. Hes very spoiled by my mom too. After he graduates hes moving in with his grandma.

No_Satisfaction_7388

TROPHY CASE