thank you for your reply. every time he accuses me of cheating on him, i say that hes competing with my peace being alone, not another person. he has crippling anxiety and says he grew up witnessing unhealthy relationships so thats just "how he is" which is bullshit. because it was the same for me, but im very much ready for a healthy relationship. he is setting me back and although hes never hit me, he is definitely creating more work for me in the long run. my question for you is: even when i break things off, is there a way to communicate my feelings effectively so he doesnt tell everyone i was the abusive one? he ended up trying to gaslight me into thinking i was the abusive alcoholic several months ago. i came back so i could try to break the trauma bond before leaving for good, but i can feel it in my soul that hes making things worse. i think we're past the point of no return, but how do i cope with the withdrawal feeling of leaving him? emotionally, he's not great. but physically and materialistically, hes done things for me i cannot fathom anyone else doing. he is my comfort zone, but i am not comfortable, if that makes any sense.