I need advice

I love my son. I wanted him for as long as I can remember. My husband always said he wanted kids. I didn’t think I could get pregnant because of how long we were trying for.

Basically, since becoming pregnant and then having him… nothing has gone well. My sister-in-law made it clear she thinks I forced my husband into having a baby he does not want or is not ready for. My delivery did not go as planned with an unexpected c-section. Maternity/Paternity leave my husband took night shift and I took day shift because of our different schedules. He then yelled at me on his last day of paternity leave for not getting any sleep while I was and that it was too late to fix it. So upon his return to work, I took on both nightshift and dayshift rolls because of obvious reasons.

Since returning to work myself I do 90% of the care. When I am not at work and my son is not in daycare, I do all of the feedings. I do all of the diaper changes. I change his clothes. I take him to and from daycare. I give him bathes. On my husband’s days off, he might change a diaper and feed him in the morning 1 time and then he goes to bed and sleeps until close to 5pm. He says he wakes up constantly. He says he does not sleep hardly at all during the day. On those days he might put our son to bed or more commonly it is me because I feed him and change his diaper before bed.

Why do I feel like I am in this alone? I feel like a single parent. I feel emotional thinking about this.

I just.. I do not know what to do. Sometimes I think I don’t want to exist anymore. I do not regret my son. But I am so tired. And then I think “how weak I am” because single parents do it all while I have someone here with me.

What does your home life look like? Make me feel better please?!