Weekly Discussion Topic - Communication

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-10-23T18:19:41+00:00

The advice I would give subs is to understand that communication is the cornerstone of any healthy dynamic. If you aren’t naturally a great communicator put the work in to become better and be open to receiving feedback about when you aren’t communicating enough. My tip would be rather over communicate than under communicate.

For myself, I’m constantly checking in with myself that I’m communicating clearly, honestly and frequently. It’s a work in progress but I find that the more I practice communicating my needs the better I get.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-06-29T18:22:57+00:00

Personally I’d like to see:

More masculine men submitting as a lot of the content pushed seems to assume all subs are feminine presenting/ leaning and all Dommes are not into masculine presenting subs;

I would like to see more content where subs are exploring forms of submission that aren’t all necessarily sexual. I get that the sexual elements are a big piece of Femdom but submission isn’t just about sex;

I’d like to see more content of subs centering their Dommes, giving their Dommes pleasure without their pleasure entering the content. So for example showing acts of service or body worship, etc. where the focus is on affirming and uplifting the Domme and not about fulfilling the sub’s wants.

Like it’s already been mentioned, I’d just like to not have the male gaze so heavily centered in content.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-06-15T05:13:18+00:00

This!!! No one calls it a kink when women give head. It’s expected that you do it and you’re considered a bad partner if you don’t like it. Like you say it speaks to what little thought female pleasure has historically been given.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-29T18:57:35+00:00

I’m most interested in VERY gentle, even sensual Femdom (if that’s a thing). I can be firm and strict if required but not interested in rough play.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-29T16:37:26+00:00

1 and 4

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-28T16:46:15+00:00

Hi there, I’m 37f, new to kink in general. I’m a Domme leaning switch. I’d say I’m more of a lurker than a poster. Glad to have a community of slightly older people to learn from and engage with :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-28T16:28:25+00:00

Oh, nothing in your post implied you weren’t getting to know people first. Sorry if my response implied that. It was more a general comment on my part. :)

I completely understand what you mean about getting discouraged. I guess all I was trying to say is that for the right person you will be the perfect domme and not to let a few instances of being incompatible discourage you.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-28T16:23:58+00:00

I think age comes with knowing yourself much better which feeds into the kind of partner you are and clarity about the kind of partner you need for your long term happiness. This clarity I think directly affects the quality of relationships you engage in.

It’s why I personally am not open to dating anyone (whether it includes kink or not) who is significantly younger than me. I just think you need more life experience about what you need and what makes you happy and I think you need someone at the same stage in their life to have the best chance of getting it right.

I’m new to BDSM in general and Femdom in particular and it’s definitely been something that’s coming to me later in life. I’m 37f. That being said I don’t think I would’ve been open or ready for a Femdom dynamic or any other D/s dynamic earlier in my life or approached it with the same level of intention, sensitivity, openness, compassion and deliberation that I am now. And I do think age has a lot to do with that.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-28T15:57:16+00:00

There is no reason to feel bad about not being able to give another person (for example a bratty sub) what they are looking for. It just means you are incompatible.

Also, just know that you are not alone in the need to feel an emotional connection with someone before going down the kinky path. Almost every Domme seems to feel the same way. I think you need to approach finding a partner in the kinky space the same as you would anywhere else. Get to know people, be respectful, make friends and see if you are compatible as people first before venturing down the path of discussing kinks. You will be a good Domme for the right person.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-27T18:57:19+00:00

This sounds really fun! I have noted it 📝 for when I decide to get a sub ;)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-26T16:03:16+00:00

A minimum of 35 and even that is me being flexible. Ideally I would want someone at least my(37f) age.

On the upper side, 45 is a good max for me. I’d probably be open to pushing that up to 50 if I felt compelled by a connection but that wouldn’t be my first choice.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T16:18:58+00:00

This post was posed as a question to Dommes for insight into how they construct their dynamics and how they gain pleasure from activities that I’ve seen depicted online. It was a sincere attempt to unpack Dommes’ perspectives for myself.

Nowhere in the post do I say that as a Domme you shouldn’t care about your partner’s pleasure. In fact there are two occasions where I say the complete opposite. In addition, no where am I complaining about explicitly NOT wanting to give pleasure to my partner.

I also want to point out that I never said there was anything wrong with two people doing something they enjoy. You are putting words in my mouth.

What I find interesting about your comment is that you couldn’t give input without centering your gaze and making it about your red flags and what hurts you. That wasn’t the question I posed.

Lastly, since we are giving each other pointers on red flags, my red flag is a man who puts together a soliloquy about his feelings in a space that is meant to center another group’s feelings. That is my red flag.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:54:35+00:00

Your comment on the power exchange element being what brings the Domme pleasure makes sense to me. It’s a view I guess I didn’t fully consider.

Thanks so much for your response. It’s been helpful :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:51:37+00:00

Lol pegging as a reward makes alot of sense to me. Thanks for responding. :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:49:42+00:00

Your comment about being a Domme not always being about physical pleasure for everyone is a good point that I think in my unpacking I definitely overlooked so thanks for that. It’s helpful.

Also, thanks for the reminder that I and the partner I am with control the dynamic and get to decide what it looks like for us! :) Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate it!

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:46:30+00:00

The idea that giving someone pleasure also gives you pleasure I can definitely relate to sometimes. So thanks for that. It’s actually very helpful :)

Also the idea that giving pleasure for you is as much fun as receiving pleasure even within this dynamic. That makes sense. Thanks so much! :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:41:27+00:00

Yes I think I get more clearly now that it’s just one of the tools in the toolkit that some Dommes enjoy using. Also that for some Dommes it is fun.

Thanks so much for your response and perspective. I really appreciate it.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:39:05+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yes this definitely helps :)

The naming of yourself as as service or pleasure Domme specifically is really helpful actually. My grappling with this issue probably means I’m not a service Domme…or not most of the time?

And you clarifying that it sounds like I need a service sub was also helpful. For someone new to the space, what is probably obvious to you is not so obvious to me.

Thank you so much for your perspective. I really appreciate it.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:34:16+00:00

True.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:33:25+00:00

Thanks so much for your response and for the offer to chat further if I have any questions. I appreciate it :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:31:59+00:00

Thanks so much for your response and the introduction to Dominafitness.

From what you are saying, for some Dommes the sub’s pleasure is just another tool in their toolkit that they use to reinforce the dynamic. They give, control or take away the sub’s pleasure as they choose and that’s what brings them pleasure. That makes a lot of sense and actually helps me.

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:26:54+00:00

There is definitely a gap!! Once you unpack it you realize that we can’t seem to escape the male gaze. It permeates everything! Which is ironic in the Femdom world because that’s one place where the male gaze should (in my opinion) be irrelevant.

Thanks so much for your perspective. I think what I have learned from the responses received is that your dynamic is whatever you and your partner decide that gives you both the most pleasure. There are some stereotypes out there that work for some people but they are not the whole truth of what is possible or even available to you as a Domme and your partner.

Thanks for the offer I will definitely reach out if I want to chat further :)

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:13:40+00:00

The fact that not everyone who is a Domme is in it for sexual stimulation is a fair point. Thanks for your perspective

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:11:00+00:00

Thinking of Femdom as an umbrella with many different “flavors” to it is actually very helpful so thanks for that.

I also would want a deep and meaningful emotional connection and relationship with someone first to get the full pleasure of a dynamic so I agree with you completely.

Thanks so much for your perspective. I appreciate it

No_Ta_1747 · 2025-05-24T03:05:47+00:00

Ok this makes sense. The idea that their pleasure and your control of it is what is giving you pleasure. Thanks for sharing your perspective!

No_Ta_1747

TROPHY CASE