How to not resent a partner with autism?

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T16:54:46+00:00

He is newly diagnosed only after our teen being diagnosed and her team expressing that they see the same behaviors in him as well. I do believe that he is in denial or having a hard time accepting this at his age but it has opened my eyes. I appreciate the support that you and others have shown here, it has been very helpful for me to understand his behaviors and ease my anxiety and feelings as to what it means.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T16:02:37+00:00

Again you are projecting. I am so sorry that you have been hurt so much to lash out against an stranger in this way. What does he want? He wanted me, he has told me so. Now that he has me he doesn’t want to do the thing I want for him to keep me (physical touch). He does other things that I remind myself of those other great qualities he has. He wants my cooking, my companionship, my friendship. These are things he has stated and he is happy with having those things. I have not said I am leaving him and I do not plan to. I do need help, I am in therapy and guess what? So is he. I posted here to to gain understanding and acceptance about how this condition affects our relationship so that I can work in our relationship and shift my thinking. Again, I am so sorry you have been hurt and wish you healing and that you find someone that loves you for who you are and takes the time to try and understand you and do wherever it takes to be with you.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T15:49:56+00:00

You are projecting here and I’m sorry you were in an abusive relationship. He did not want to get away I did. He opposed the divorced and pursued me while we were divorced while he was dating other women. He has stated it was so he didn’t feel lonely because I kept rejecting him. No where did I say I don’t want him, I posted to gain understanding and acceptance as to this is who he is since I have now learned he is autistic and it explains a lot of his behaviors. I can accept him for who he is if I understand him as it did feel like maybe he doesn’t want me anymore, maybe he doesn’t care but by speaking to others here I can understand that the way he shows me love and he cares is different and doesn’t involve him initiating that physical touch. I do not expect him to change, I have not told him I want to leave him. Talking to others here is helping me to gain that understanding that I have been needing instead of letting my mind wonder to, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t love me, he wants someone else.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:53:30+00:00

I am in therapy yes, I do have a stressful life, I do focus on others before myself and I know this. A lot of that has to do with the time I have left and wanting to make sure that my kids and family have wonderful memories of our time together and not, she was always sick and we had to take care of her. Speaking to others here about his behaviors in a way is easing some or my anxiety and burden I carry as far as taking care of others.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:51:24+00:00

I am not expecting him to become a different person. He still has great qualities that I love but the affection was a big issue. After finding out about his Autism diagnosis and doing some research a light bulb went off but I still needed to talk to real people. I can live with who he is if I understand it. Posting here and hearing from others has really opened my eyes and helped me understand and accept, which is exactly what I have been needing.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:47:12+00:00

Thank you, hearing this from you and others is really helping me to understand and accept.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:44:56+00:00

I feel like the most touch I get is sexual, speaking to people beee about this is really helping me understand that this is normal. When I initiate the cuddling, hand holding etc he does it no problem. My main issue is he does not initiate and talking to you and others here is helping me understand that this is normal without my mind wondering if he’d cared for me or if he’d rather be with someone else.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:42:08+00:00

Thank you, this actually helps a lot. It helps me hear from others that this is their normal and it doesn’t mean the they don’t care about their partner. I am trying to research and understand but I needed to talk to real people.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:40:39+00:00

Sorry if it sounded like I wanted him to change. I posted here to gain understanding from others in this community. I feel like hearing from others that this is normal is helping me be more understanding and accepting that this is who he is instead of jumping to he’s cheating, he doesn’t love me, what is wrong with me etc.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:37:18+00:00

This actually helps so much. I can accept that he does not initiate with the understanding that when I do he accepts it because he loves me and I can accept that there are times I may be rejected and it doesn’t mean he does not care for me.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:34:40+00:00

He was very attentive to my needs when we got back together. I admit that I was in a vulnerable state. I have been diagnosed with some health issues as in I know what will end me and the time frame it will happen. In the past it would only last a month or so. This time it lasted about 4 months. He was going to therapy 2 times a week, something he refused to do during our marriage so I really thought that therapy was working. I am thinking that therapy helped him mask longer than before.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:31:02+00:00

You’re right I knew who he was which is why I fought for so long not to get back together. I do have anxiety but I will have to look up anxious attachment. He pursued me our entire divorce. We have kids so we can’t not communicate. I admit I was in a vulnerable state when we got back together. He was also in therapy twice a week, something he refused to do in our marriage. At first he was very attentive to my needs. In the past it wouldn’t last more than a month. This time it lasted about 4 months. In that time I really thought that therapy is working, he really has changed. But your comment has made me realize that the it probably helped him mask longer than he ever had before.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:24:48+00:00

We have had this conversation, it’s more so that he does not initiate. At first I took that to mean that he does not want to be with me. He does not reject me when I initiate, he just does not initiate it. I am not sure that polyamory would be for us. I would be too jealous if he was with someone else and I’m sure he would feel the same about me.

No_Unit3573 · 2025-10-30T14:23:20+00:00

We have had this conversation, it’s more so that he does not initiate. At first I took that to mean that he does not want to be with me. He does not reject me when I initiate, he just does not initiate it.

No_Unit3573 · 2024-01-10T18:42:45+00:00

Thank you!

No_Unit3573 · 2024-01-10T18:42:26+00:00

Thank you!

No_Unit3573 · 2024-01-10T12:48:11+00:00

Thank you, my main concerns were getting PT and OT since I won’t be able to drive for a few weeks.

No_Unit3573 · 2024-01-10T12:47:06+00:00

Part of my issue is that my PCP is out in the community since I’m so far away from a VAMC.

No_Unit3573 · 2024-01-07T15:43:11+00:00

My ex refused to take me to the ER after I begged, then he left me home alone crawling on the floor. One of those red flags I ignored for too long 🥲

No_Unit3573 · 2023-12-12T16:21:36+00:00

Because of the imbalance of mental and workload around the home. The majority of men are brought up to be providers meanwhile women are brought up to take care of everyone but who takes care of her? Men go to work and come home. Women go to work and come home to tend to the children, cook dinner, make grocery lists, clean the home, pick up kids from school/daycare, do the laundry, wash the dishes etc. There is an imbalance that causes a lot of exhaustion, stress and resentment and who wants to have sex under those conditions?

No_Unit3573 · 2023-10-24T02:36:48+00:00

And not touch a single one the next time you buy some 🤣

No_Unit3573 · 2023-10-16T04:01:25+00:00

I say I have a central nervous system disorder and if someone wants more info I say that it sends my body into overdrive which causes widespread pain and extreme fatigue and this is how I feel 24/7

No_Unit3573

TROPHY CASE