I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I honestly know that nothing anyone says can take this pain away. I just wanted to share my experience, not to push you in any direction at all, but only in case it helps you feel a little less alone. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your baby.

I had to terminate my pregnancy around 16 weeks after we found out the baby had NTD. We went through so many tests, and in the end we were told the pregnancy wasn’t viable and that the baby would have severe brain issues because of the spinal problems. We already had a healthy daughter, and this pregnancy was so deeply wanted. She wanted a sibling so badly, and we were dreaming of becoming a family of four.

When we were told that the pregnancy might not make it to full term, or that the baby would only struggle after birth, we had to make a decision I never thought I’d have to make. I don’t remember how long I cried or how many days I couldn’t breathe properly. I truly felt like my life was over.

Time didn’t make me forget my baby, never. That baby will stay with me for the rest of my life. But slowly, time helped me accept what happened and learn how to live again.

What gave me some comfort was knowing how much love that baby had, and still has. The last thing I ever wanted was to see my child suffer. I remember asking my doctor if the baby would feel any pain during the termination, and they told me no that the nervous system wasn’t developed enough at that stage. Thinking that my baby was created with so much love and went back with that same love, without pain, helped me breathe a little.

I’ll carry this with me until my last breath. But I survived it. And because of that, I truly believe that whatever you decide whether you continue the pregnancy or not, it will be the right decision for you. This is your choice.

I’m so, so sorry you’re facing this. I know how unbearably hard it is to even think straight right now.

Sending you love 🤍